The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot
by TheGoddessOfDuckTape
Summary: Leo Valdez, a boy who is always the third wheel wherever he goes. Calypso, a girl who has spent her entire life being rejected by the ones she loves. Will they find happiness together despite their suppressing past?
1. Seriously Overpriced Coffee

**This is my first fanfic and so constructive criticism and advice is strongly encouraged.**

**Sadly, I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or the Heroes of Olympus or there would be a llama invasion by book two.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Seriously Overpriced Coffee

"She loves me,

I'm awesome.

She loves me,

I'm awesome.

She loves me…"

Petals littered the air as he continued his ritual. Leo had fallen in love and he had fallen hard.

At first, he did things traditionally by saying, 'She-Loves-Me and She-Loves-Me-Not.'

But after thinking about it (Yes people, Leo does think), he decided that he was really awesome and hot and a sexy beast. Eventually Leo started saying,

"She loves me,

I'm awesome.

She loves me,

I'm hot.

She loves me,

I'm smoking hot.

She loves me,

I'm sexy.

She loves me,

I'm a sexy beast…"

The truth was, Leo was really enchanted by Calypso. Sure she was still left on that little island of hers (O-gee-gee-a or something), but that didn't mean that he couldn't daydream about her. Right?

Eventually, Leo did run out of petals on the sunflower. He knew that he should've chosen roses because they were more romantic but Shrek used a sunflower and if Shrek used it, it was good enough.

"She loves me," Leo softly murmured. "She loves me." He floated around in a daze. "Does she really love me?" Leo was in a trance as he waltzed over to the cafe.

A pretty girl looked up from the cash register. Now people, if Leo was being himself, he would never give up an opportunity to madly flirt with a pretty lady but it seemed that after crashlanding on a certain beach and meeting a certain goddess, no one could seemed good enough.

"One short black please," Leo slurred while grinning like a mental patient.

"And would you like anything else with that?" the girl asked cordially.

"No, thank you." No thank you?! No thank you?! He looked down at his palms and then turned them around. What had he become?!

"That would be $4.50, please."

"You know I only ordered one, right?"

She frowned and gave an amused smile at the same time.

"That was one…"

Leo was starting to feel glum and miserable again. She had won the battle, but he would win the war when she saw what he put in his coffees.

"Can I get the coffee in an extra-large cup?"

"Do I want to know why?"

"Probably not."

"Well, in that case, it would be $4.75, please."

You guys must be thinking, short black? No way would Leo order a short black. But trust me, he had his reasons.

When the order arrived, he thought, 'This coffee had better be worth $4.75.'

Leo headed over to the counter where the cafe supplied sugar, creamer, whipped cream, syrups, sprinkles the usual paraphernalia you would find in a café.

Leo smirked. Let the games begin.

* * *

><p>Leo slowly sipped his coffee.<p>

The others were going to meet him soon and he would let them think that he was drinking coffee when in actuality he was drinking a beverage with 15 times the normal amount of sugar, creamer, syrups and sprinkles. Want to know why Leo asked for an extra-large cup? Well, the rest of the cup was filled to the brim with delicious whipped cream.

Leo watched as the Argo II pulled into the harbour. He hurriedly squeezed the lid back onto the coffee so that his drink wouldn't look suspicious in the least.

"They're here."

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. The Oddballs

**Hi everyone! I'm back!**

**I might not be able to update every single day but I'll just make up for it in advance just in case.**

**I do not own PJO because Rick Riordan does and if I took over writing PJO, I'd have writer's block and there would've never been a sequel to The Lightning Thief.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Oddballs

If Leo was feeling fine right now, he'd push past all the pedestrians, rush down the stairs, roll over a few picnic tables to make it look cool, barrel past his friends, climb aboard the ship and deeply embrace the masthead of his wondrous creation. And after some quality time with the Argo II, he'd gracefully stumble onto the harbour to greet his friends.

Fortunately for all those picnic tables out there, Leo wasn't feeling normal in the slightest. YAY for outdoor furniture!

The thing was, he really didn't even notice his friends as they walked off the Argo II and looked around. His mind was still on Calypso. Leo really couldn't think straight. She was so pretty and smart and strong and best of all, she didn't mind getting her hands dirty, and did he mention she was pretty?

He sighed. It was useless. By the time he found her again, she would have probably forgetten all about him. It was a sad life. 'Wait,' he thought. 'If nobody else visits Ogygia, she'll never forget me! I'm the hero that wasn't actually a hero. I'm one of a kind.'

Leo hated the fact that he was beginning to lose faith in himself. So much faith that he had gone into Guidance Counsellor Mode. He shook it off and once again thought, 'What have I become?!'

The six of his remaining friends that hadn't fallen into Tartarus walked up the stone steps and walked up to him. Leo looked up at them from the table.

"Man! Now I going to need a bigger table," he whined.

Piper nearly knocked him out of his chair with a hug. "Leo! Gods, where have you been?"

"Valdez!" Coach Hedge grinned. Then he seemed to remember he had a reputation to protect and he forced a scowl. "You ever disappear like that again, you little punk, I'll knock you into next month!"

Frank patted Leo on the back so hard it made him wince. Even Nico shook his hand.

Hazel kissed Leo on the cheek. "We thought you were dead!"

Leo mustered a faint smile. "Hey, guys. Nah, nah, I'm good." But even though he said he was fine, he really didn't feel that well. His hands weren't twitching or fidgeting with the bits of metal in his pocket as usual. He felt like now he had a reason to live.

He had sworn on the River Styx to find his way back to her and now he wasn't so focused on the prophecy that dictated the end of the world anymore. He was relieved and worried at the same time.

Leo started poking his head into the clouds when Coach Hedge recounted Piper's mad jujitsu and kung fu skills. Then he dropped straight back down when Piper mentioned something about Festus. He raised his eyebrows suspiciously,

"But Festus was deactivated."

"Um, about that, I sort of woke him up," Piper explained.

"How?" Leo questioned. It seemed as if he was challenging her.

Piper didn't respond to the challenge but she explained how she used her charmspeak to reboot the metal machinery of the dragon.

Leo murmured a few words that included 'Shouldn't be possible,' 'vocal recognition,' 'navigational method' and 'crystal.'

"Crystal?"

"Um… nothing." Leo wanted to avoid the conversational topic of Calypso as long as he could. Well, at least until he felt like he was ready to share.

A waitress came over to offer them menus. In no time they were chowing down sandwiches and sodas, enjoying the sunny day almost like a group of regular teenagers being chaperoned by a short but intimidating looking man. Well as normal as these people - five ADHD and dyslexic kids, one lactose-intolerant kid and a goat man with anger issues - could get.

Frank grabbed a tourist brochure stuck under the napkin dispenser and began to read it. Piper couldn't believe that Leo was actually there so she took it out on his poor arm by patting it every few moments. Nico was alert the whole time eyeing all the passing pedestrians as if they could attack at any moment using the everyday objects that they were carrying. Coach hedge munched on the salt and pepper shakers.

Leo and Piper couldn't help put glare at Coach Hedge's everyday habits. Coach seemed to notice.

"What?" he asked guiltily.

Then he said in his own defence, "Monsters could come by and use them as dangerous weapons! I'm doing you a favour!"

The entire group gave shaky laughs.

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Thanks for reading this! ****P****lease review and tell me how you feel!**


	3. Cravings for Lemonade and Stew

**Hi! It's so great that you are actually reading this. Thanks for clicking 'The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot' and bothering to read this far!**

**Please read through the chapter and later review to tell me how you feel about it.**

**I most definitely do not own Percy Jackson because if I did, Luke would still be alive and well.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Cravings for Lemonade and Stew

Being back with his friends was great and all but he couldn't help but miss being with Calypso.

He wanted to be back I his shed working hard and sweating while Calypso worked beside him. He honestly missed her lemonade and stew. The enchanted dishes and glasses on the Argo II simply couldn't compare to her homemade cooking.

'Her cooking really is good,' he mused. Then he realised that when you were under solitary confinement on an island for thousands of years, what else was there to do?

He sighed woefully and wondered if the rest of his life was to be filled with woeful sighs. 'Calypso wouldn't want me to sulk around.' Guidance Counsellor Mode was back, and the worst thing was that he was trying it on himself.

'There's no hope for me,' he thought. 'What kind of a sixteen year old boy am I? I'm worried about girls and feelings! Gross!' He decided that he was simply going to have to man up and suck it up. He could secretly try and find his way back to the island without the others finding out.

Obviously, Jason just had to come in at the 'right' moment.

* * *

><p>"So where were you while you were gone?" Jason asked solemnly. Jason looked more like a rebel now that he had a groove in his haircut and the scar on the side of his lips was adding to the bad boy look.<p>

'I'm supposed to be the bad boy around here,' he complained in his head. 'Team Leo and Bad Boy go together, right?'

"Er, I uh, crashed landed on an island…"

"And where exactly was that?"

"Er, I don't really know."

"Then how did find your way back?"

"Oh… Er… I… Er… Just walked around and asked random strangers."

"M-hmm…" Jason said with one very, very raised eyebrow. "Tell me the truth."

Leo didn't really know what to do. If he told, he was scared that the memory of Calypso wouldn't be as special to him. If he didn't… Well a son of Jupiter. Alone in a room. No witnesses. You do the math.

After his first quest with Jason and Piper, he knew that he could really trust both off them even though their stories were way more interesting than his.

"Ogygia."

"What about Ogygia?"

Leo gave a large sigh and let it all out.

"I crash landed on Ogygia where a Titan's daughter named Calypso is being imprisoned because she supported her father in the first war. She hated me and I hated her and then she had awesome food and fire-proof clothes and then she helped me with building a raft and gave me my jacket and I'm in love with her!" Leo was very surprised that he didn't explode from his heart thumping like fireworks. Being ADHD really didn't help.

"So basically, you fell in love with an immortal?"

"Your point?!"

"Nothing…" Jason said with a brooding look. "How are you going to get back to her?"

"I can't. She said that no man ever finds Ogygia twice."

"I know that look. You're still going to try right?

"I have to… Because I swore on the River Styx."

Jason gasped dramatically.

"But you just said that no man ever find Ogygia twice!"

"Nope. She said that. But I will rescue Calypso from Ogygia one day. Besides, after swearing on the River Styx, I really don't have a choice, do I?" Leo said casually.

"And what about that crystal you mentioned earlier?"

From one of his pockets on the jacket, Leo pulled out the crystal that Calypso had chinked out of her cave for him.

"With this, the navigational device should work."

"Should? Should doesn't really reassure me," Jason nervously told Leo.

Leo smirked.

"With my mad skills, what could possibly stop us?"

Jason opened his mouth to reply but Leo clamped his hand over it.

"It was a rhetorical question."

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Hi to all beloved readers!**

**Please review and tell me if there's anything that needs improving!**


	4. Seeking Guidance from Happy the Dragon

**Hi everyone!**

**Please enjoy this chapter and have fun reading it!**

**I absolutely do not own PJO or HoO because Tyson said so. Right, Tyson?**

**Tyson: Peanut Butter**

**Me: Close enough!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Seeking from Happy the Dragon

After his talk with Jason, Leo didn't feel any better than he did before. If anything, it just made him even more confused. His head felt as if it could explode from all of the combat inside his mind.

It wasn't like he could take his chances by ditching the quest and letting Gaia take over the world. Right now, all he could possibly do was try and get the navigational device to work. But he couldn't help dreaming about his future if he ever found his way back to Ogygia.

Leo thought about his own childhood. It was really lonely without anyone his own age around the neighbourhood. The disadvantages of being an only child. Maybe if he ever found Calypso, they could have two kids together so that no one would get bored. Was it legal for demigods and immortals to "get-together" anyway?

The more he thought about it, the more chaotic his got. Soon it was basically a full blown-out war. Phrases and sentences floated around his head.

'No man ever finds Ogygia twice.'

'You're really warming up to me.'

'You can't come back.'

'That's the rule.'

'Don't give me any empty promises.'

What was he supposed to do now? He had clearly said, 'I'm coming back for you. I swear it on the River Styx.' Of course, if he couldn't find his way back to Ogygia, what would happen to him?

When Zeus broke the oath, Thalia turned into a tree. Leo hoped that he'd have better luck. But with his luck, he probably just jinxed himself and would end up as something useless like a patch of pansies. It was a sad life.

Calypso was definitely someone who deserved freedom after thousands of years in captivity but was she honestly worth the destruction of the world? It was basically choosing between 'the girl of your dreams with a side of the end of the world' or 'heroically saving the world but giving up on his destined soul mate.'

Tough decision.

Leo lugged himself out of bed and shuffled him way to the Dining Hall just in time for lunch. He demanded the enchanted dish and glass for lemonade and stew. His usual lunch was pancakes and ginger beer but he figured that it would be a tribute to Calypso. He was scared that if he didn't think about her often, he would eventually forget all about her.

He slowly raised his right hand and sipped the stew. It really couldn't compare to Calypso's but it was kind of motivation because there was a voice inside his head saying, 'Go get Calypso or you'll never taste good homemade stew ever again!' The strange thing was, it worked.

After that not-very-satisfactory meal Leo shuffled back to his cabin. On the way there, he heard voices. One feminine and one masculine.

"I'm telling you he's met someone and now he's heartsick," the feminine voice whispered. Leo quickly pressed himself to the wall and poked his head to check out what was on the other side of that corner. He saw Hazel and Frank exchange a very quiet conversation. Alarmed, he pulled his head back and just listened in.

"How can you tell?" Frank asked in a failed attempt at whispering.

"I'm a thirteen year old girl, I just know these things."

Leo shrunk down. Was it really that obvious? He thought about it and then changed direction. When in need, talk to a machine.

* * *

><p>Leo was now below decks and looking for a bronze dragonhead. It wasn't very difficult. Giant head, enclosed space. You just think about it.<p>

Leo put his hand on Festus.

Creak.

"You wouldn't happen to be awesome at giving girl advice would you, big guy?" Leo asked desperately.

Creak.

Leo must've been really desperate if he had to resort to a metal dragon.

He gave up and left.

If machinery couldn't help in the department of love, maybe love's daughter could.

**Thanks for reading, people! :D**

**I write short chapters so I should be able to update a lot.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please review and tell me what you think!**


	5. A Chat with the Daughter of Love

**Have fu****n reading this chapter and later, please review and tell me how you feel about.**

**If you haven't already, also read my friend's fanfic. It's called 'The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.'**

**I do not own the Heroes of Olympus because if I did, Calypso wouldn't still be imprisoned on Ogygia.**

**Leo: So you're telling me that I won't break the River Styx oath and turn into a tree?!**

**Me: Um… No, no, not at all. I was just saying that if I owned PJO, I would release Calypso from Ogygia.**

**Leo: Tell me what to do! Anything! I don't wanna be a tree!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ A Chat with the Daughter of Love

"So basically, you're in love with an immortal girl who's stuck on an island for supporting the titans in the First War," Piper slowly said as she took it all in.

"And Calypso told me that no one could ever go to Ogygia twice or something like that," Leo added.

"It really isn't looking good for you but if my mom was here, she'd probably say something like, 'Oh, it doesn't matter because love will conquer all!" Piper mimicked her mother disdainfully.

"Yeah, so what do you think I should do?"

"Can't you IM her?" Piper suggested.

"Thank you so much for your help!" Leo yelped as he embraced his saviour.

Piper frowned and tilted her head. She was officially confused.

"Why didn't you think of that before? Wasn't that the obvious solution?"

Leo pondered over it and did a mental facepalm.

"Calypso mentioned that Iris Messages didn't work on Ogygia because it was cut off from the rest of the world… There goes that idea!"

"Leo, why don't you enchant the walls of the Dining Hall so that they show Ogygia instead of Camp Half-Blood? Besides, everybody gets homesick when they look at the walls anyway. It's not like anyone's going to miss them. And you could somehow get the sound too."

Leo started pondering again.

"I can't. To do that, I'll need connection between the two areas. Like say if her side has something metal or- I GOT IT! I GOT IT!"

Leo ran out Piper's room and into the control room. After flipping a few switches to make it look like he totally knew exactly what he was doing, Leo pulled out a few pieces of metal from his pocket and some wires out of the glove box. His utility belt was tightly strapped around his waist and Leo's welding goggles were stashed in the compartment underneath the cup holders.

He was ready for action.

* * *

><p>Four hours and six burns later, Leo wasn't anywhere near done. His idea was to display an image or message streamed from the Argo II to a project that he was working on in Ogygia.<p>

Hopefully, Calypso still visited his "man-cave" occasionally and would notice the message he left behind.

'She's probably too caught up in other work. Calypso's a goddess, for heaven's sake!' Leo thought. But when he thought about it again, he realised that it wasn't like she was busy doing other stuff. What was she going to do? Cook more beef stew? Make more lemonade? Tend to her garden?

One of his projects on Ogygia was making a TV so that he wouldn't be completely cut off from the outside world. Television was something he needed to survive. Besides, it was one of the only pieces of technology that didn't hate him. Demigods and technology didn't mix. Being a child of Hephaestus didn't actually help with that factor.

If Leo had the skills to reprogram it (which he does because Team Leo is awesome), he would be capable of communicating with Calypso provided that she had the device switched on… That could possibly be a problem.

It was finally complete. Leo has spent forever on it and used up most of his supplies but it was nevertheless complete.

He switched it on and found that Calypso hadn't done the same with the TV on her side.

If Piper wasn't good enough then he would simply have to go one step further.

Leo desperately needed help and he knew the right person to go to.

**So guys, who do you think it is? I'm open to any suggestions in the reviews section and while you're at it, please tell me how you feel about this fanfic.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please also be on alert for my next chapter! :)**


	6. Makeover Magic

**Sorry!**

**I didn't get any relevant reviews so I decided on the next featured character on my own! Thanks for reading anyway.**

**I do not own PJO because if I did, it would be a laughing stock for all its punctuation and grammatical errors.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Makeover Magic

"O Iris, goddess of the rainbow, accept my offering," Leo chanted as he threw a golden drachma into the mist. Now in this case, we are talking about "mist-mist" and not the Mist.

"Show me Aphrodite, the goddess of love at Mount Olympus."

The rainbow shimmered and the most beautiful woman in the whole world showed up. Leo vigorously shook it off. He was in love with Calypso and this goddess couldn't compare to her.

But Leo Valdez couldn't help but gaze at her kaleidoscope irises. She had the same mesmerising eyes as her daughter did.

Aphrodite's image flickered and showed a famous celebrity Leo had a crush on in third grade. It wasn't until then that he realised that she had pretty, blonde ringlets. That was scary. There was no way he would look at her the same way ever again if she had the same hairstyle as the girl who always looked like she wanted to kill him (Annabeth).

"Leo Valdez, I admire your loyalty to Calypso," Aphrodite said gracefully. It seemed as if the words just floated out of her mouth. "And you're drooling," she added.

Leo quickly wiped the area around his mouth with his already dirty sleeve which resulted in machine grease all over his face.

"Uh, Leo? You've got a little something everywhere," the beauty exclaimed as she gestured all over her own face.

Leo was starting to get agitated.

"You know what Leo? Just forget about that. I'll come over right away and give you a makeover," Aphrodite said reassuringly. She squealed over the excitement of having the opportunity to give Leo a complete makeover.

Leo started to complain, "But Your Highness, I only wanted to talk to you abo-"

"Yes Leo, I know. We'll have that chat as soon as I come over. Kay?" the goddess of love told him.

It made Leo feel better. Not a lot, but better nonetheless.

* * *

><p>"So Leo, let's start with hair, shall we?" Aphrodite asked. Though the question seemed like it was directed towards Leo, Aphrodite was in actually talking to herself. A short, scrawny boy like him would require a lot of work. It could need hair gel.<p>

"I think I've figured out the perfect style for you.

"I don't get a say in this do I?" Leo half-whimpered.

"You don't if you still want my advice about Calypso. How about that makeover now?" Aphrodite said smiling. She knew that she had won.

"Fine."

Leo looked at himself in the floor-length mirror that Aphrodite had brought along with her. There sure were perks of being a major goddess.

"Are you sure that hair gel's my style?" Leo asked. He was really uncertain about his new look. Aphrodite had told him that every girl loves a bad boy but Leo really didn't know how Calypso would feel. "Are you sure that Calypso even likes a bad boy?"

"Leo, honey. Everybody loves a bad boy." Aphrodite stretched the word loves into two syllables.

He looked at himself in the mirror again. His hair was upright and unruly with help from A LOT of hair gel. Leo wore a short sleeve T-shirt with fake long sleeves because Aphrodite said that layering was "so totally in the now." Under that, was a pair of black skinny jeans and knee length boots.

Aphrodite contemplated his new look.

"I'm just going to throw on a leather jacket. Perfect!" she squealed.

But Leo hated it. Absolutely hated it.

He looked like Nico di Angelo the emo. Leo didn't want to be emo!

"Your Highness, I don't want to be emo!" Leo yelped.

"What do you mean?" Aphrodite asked as she stepped back. "Hm… I see your point." She sighed deeply. "Oh well, there goes my idea of making you a bad boy… Why don't we try a casual look now?"

Leo praised the gods. Nemesis, Tyche and Fortuna were finally acknowledging his existence!

'Halleluiah-leluiah-leluiah. Halleluiah-leluiah-leluiah,' Leo sang in his head.

Aphrodite waved her hand over Leo and his leather jacket disappeared. Replaced his knee length boots was a pair of slightly shabby sneakers.

Aphrodite sighed again, but this time with contentment.

"I guess casual really is your style… Now, about your little chat."

**Thanks so much for reading so far. Remember this is my first fanfic so don't expect impressive stuff like fireworks, okay?**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please tell me how you feel about my story via reviews! :)**


	7. Love is Pathetic

**Thank you very much for reading all the way to Chapter 7!**

**Please also read my friend's fanfic, 'The Misadventures of a Bald Emo' if you haven't already.**

**Feel free to review once you're done reading the chapter.**

**I do not own PJO or HoO, right Percy?**

**Percy: Who cares about whom owns my life story when I'm stuck in Tartarus?!**

**Annabeth: Honey, calm down… You're high blood pressure…**

**Percy: Sure sweetie. TheGoddessOfDuckTape does not own PJO.**

**Annabeth: She's not really a goddess is she…?**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Love is Pathetic

"Please help me, you have to! Please do this favour for me!" Leo cried. He was practically begging on his knees.

"Seeing as it's for the sake of love, I'll help you Leo. Well… I'm off. I'm glad we had this chat. Ta!" Aphrodite said casually.

Ta? Seriously? Ta? That was like saying toodles. It was kind of pathetic but how could Leo say that in front of her face? It was a pity… Leo was far too much of a gentleman to tell her that.

"Thank you so much! I love you! No! I love Calypso more! I am forever in your debt! I'll do anything to repay you! No wait! I don't wanna give you a drop of my blood and let you enslave me forever! NO!" Leo was whining and on the border of wailing.

Aphrodite chuckled at Leo's inappropriate behaviour and sighed. "The things that I'd do for love."

* * *

><p>Leo sat in front the television desperately wanting it to light up.<p>

He hoped that Aphrodite would hurry up and fulfil his only wish (Only wish as in the only one that didn't involve becoming the emperor of the world or a harem of attractive females). It was a tiny favour.

The screen flickered and showed the cave but that wasn't the first thing he noticed. Of course, the first thing he noticed was the most beautiful girl on the planet. But when Leo thought about it, was Ogygia actually on the planet? 'Okay,' he thought, 'Scratch that. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen was on the other side of the message.'

"C-C-Calypso? Is that you?" Leo stuttered. He was inches away from hugging and kissing the screen.

"How did you do it? This must be really hi-tech if you managed to make a connection from Ogygia to the rest of the world," Calypso said in awe.

Leo blushed furiously. After the farewell kiss, he felt even more awkward than usual around her. 'I guess kisses just make things awkward between anyone. Gotta impress her. Gotta impress her,' he yelled inside his head.

"Uh, I just did a bit of rerouting and frequency adjusting. Er… and then I had to rewire a TV back on the Argo II and the-"

"Just stop Leo."

He blushed like a tomato. That usually only happened he got really caught up on a new machine or project.

"You're telling me that you did all that complicated stuff just to talk to me?"

She looked surprised and taken aback. No one had ever done anything special just for her.

"Yeah…" Leo said slowly, scratching his head. "Uh, I just wanted to talk about starting Leo and Calypso's Auto Repair. You know… Fresh fruits and vegetables, lemonade and stew, singing and bursting into flames…

"I worked so hard to get rid of you and now I have to put up with you again?!" Calypso joked.

Leo feigned a look of shock and horror.

"I am hurt that you would think that!" he said sarcastically and sassily.

The two of them shared a chuckle.

"Just like old times, hmm?"

"Just like old times."

* * *

><p>Leo spent hours with Calypso across the TV.<p>

They had a conversation filled with laughter and a lot of catching up. There were stories to tell about adventures (from Leo) and reports on how the vegetation was growing (from Calypso).

Frank had to drag Leo away from the "Supreme Commander's" room. The girls were worried because he had already missed two meals. Personally, Frank couldn't care less but he was just doing it for Hazel's sake.

The things people did for love… It really was pathetic.

**Thank you for reading! :D**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please review and tell me how you feel!**

**I'm kind of stuck on the plot right now so feel free to give me suggestions.**


	8. Coach Hedge Saves the World

**Hi everyone!**

**I know I've been telling you to read 'The Misadventures of a Bald Emo' a lot but it's a really good and funny story, so please read it. Thanks for all your favourites, follows and reviews.**

**For all those readers out that actually read Author's Notes, I am having a contest.**

**Send in your randomest/favourite words via reviews. I will pick the TOP 3 words tomorrow (Saturday, 11****th**** of January, 2013) and feature them in Chapter 10. Additionally, first prize gets to read Chapter 10 before anybody else does.**

**I do not own PJO because if I did, there'd be flying llamas that refused to eat anything but tacos or marshmallows.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Coach Hedge Saves the World

A loud crash came echoing from the hull of the ship. Even though Leo was on video chat with Calypso, he dropped everything and went to see what was wrong.

"Way to show you're serious about it!" Calypso screamed from the TV.

Leo immediately halted in his tracks and started jogging backwards. He got on his knees in front of the television. "Please! I'm not going to find another pro-" Leo pleaded.

"YOU KNOW I'M JOKING, RIGHT?!" Calypso screeched.

"Oh. Er, sorry anyway!"

"What was that?" Calypso asked curiously.

"Oh, it was nothing. Just a demigod back from the dead. Gaia's his patron and he pledged his life for her cause or something," Leo said as if it wasn't really a big deal.

"I sense a story about your heroics, am I right?" Calypso asked sarcastically. She leaned forward as if anticipating an intense and interesting story.

"Well obviously, I was the one who saved the world and if it wasn't for me, all the countries would be in desperate turmoil," Leo replied in the same manner. "I'll get Coach Hedge to recount the entire heroic story."

From his personal experience, Leo knew that it was extremely difficult to drag the manly/goatly chaperone from reruns of a Chuck Norris cage match. Leo even had to tell the satyr that there was a giant batch of tin cans watching for him in the Supreme Commander's cabin.

"So Leo tells me that he singlehandedly saved the world?"

Anyone could tell that Calypso didn't believe Leo's version of the story. You could also tell from Calypso's face that she wasn't exactly the best actress in the world. She was definitely holding back a torrent of giggles.

Coach Hedge looked outraged. "SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THERE'S NO FREE FOOD?!"

Leo looked around for an escape plan.

"Wait… Did you just say that this cupcake singlehandedly save the world?! Ha! That mini chocolate cupcake with pink icing wouldn't be able to take on a dryad! It was all my work!"

Leo raised an eyebrow. "Mm-hm, that's totally what happened…"

The agitated satyr ignored Leo and continued on with telling his little fantasy.

"And I was being all like a Kung Fu assassin and giving him a mega roundhouse kick. Then he tried to use his super powers to stop me but I was all 'I'm gonna kill you!' I was so vicious that he was all 'OMG, you're way too scary.' And that was how I defeated the enemy," Coach Hedge recounted proudly.

Calypso raised an eyebrow. "Mm-hm, that's totally what happened…"

Coach Hedge glanced at the watch wrapped around his wrist.

"Uh, I gotta go and make a ca- I mean, uh, I gotta go and uh… watch another cage match."

"Bye, Coach!" Leo called to the retreating satyr.

"Farewell, Teller of Stories. Come again soon and tell us another story," Calypso said sweetly.

The satyr turned around to glare at the two of them but then left because of two reasons.

1) It was really hard to glare at two people at the same time and

2) He really had somewhere to be.

"So is this what you do in your spare time?" questioned Calypso with an amused look.

Leo couldn't help but shrug.

"We found them."

"Are you certain?"

"There's only one flying ship out there with a chicken nugget shield."

"Ah yes… I see. In that case, it's definitely them."

"Do you want to tell the Lady or should I?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Thanks."

**Just a reminder that there's a contest.**

**Just pick your randomest/favourite word and post it via reviews.**

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	9. Roasted Crab for Lunch

**Thank you for all of the entries.**

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**I do not own any of the characters in PJO because they would totally object to being owned by a crazy psycho girl.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Roasted Crab for Lunch

"When's the launch?"

"Any minute now."

"Want a brownie?"

"No! Why would someone evil like us want sugary baked goods?"

"Wait a second… One of my brownies just went missing… Paul… Did you take it?"

"Psh, what? NO, AS IF."

* * *

><p>"You could be soprano and I'd be the bass line. And whenever we reach the chorus, I could burst in a mega flame ball," Leo bubbled excitedly.<p>

Calypso chuckled lightly. "How many times do we have to go over this?! I already agreed the first time."

Leo shrugged and replied, "I just wanted to make sure that you remember our plans for a future business empire and potential world domination." He knew that he and Calypso had already discussed it a multiple number of times but he wasn't really sure what she would do if her curse was ever broken.

What if the moment her curse disappeared, she ran off to Percy? He had to make sure that he knew where her loyalties lied.

Leo was sure that made him sound like some kind of an evil mastermind. He didn't know how to put it nicely was all.

He wanted to read her mind. He wanted to know how she really felt about him.

"Just what am I to you?" Leo asked boldly. He never really had the guts to ask that before. Leo wasn't certain what had changed. What had had provoked his conscience to finally say exactly what was on his mind?

"What do you mean?" Calypso still asked in a light and casual tone.

Her head tilted in an absolutely adorable way.

'It looks so cute on her,' Leo thought. Then realising what he had been thinking about, Leo instantly shook his head vigorously.

"I mean, what am I? Your friend, your best friend, your future-colleague, your b-b-boyfriend?"

Calypso opened her mouth to reply and then seemed to reconsider. She took on a look of shock and anger.

"What do you want to be?!" she screamed.

Leo stumbled over his words. "Er… Um… I-Uh…"

Calypso's face contorted into disgust.

"I thought we've already established our relationship. Urgh, you know what? Bye."

She stormed off angrily out of the man-cave only to realise that Leo was still watching. Seconds later she stormed back and switched off the television.

Leo decided to spend the rest of the day sulking. His day just couldn't get worse, could it?

He lazily dragged his feet to the main control room and sat in a comfortable chair.

Leo thought about his feelings.

'Average sixteen year old boys probably didn't spend their time thinking about their feelings,' Leo thought. If he was in the human world, kids around his age would probably shun him for being girly or scrawny. Life was so sad… It was either get bullied by kids or get killed by monsters.

How did it all start? It all began with a simple, "Just what am I to you?" A small question like that had caused all of his problems. Now they were never going to start 'Leo and Calypso's Auto Repairs,' get married, have kids or die together at old age. The last part however was probably never going to happen anyway.

Leo's life seriously could not get any worse, or so he thought.

A flaming cannonball sailed through the air and hit the main control room. Argo II was sinking.

It was official, Leo Valdez's life was just plain pathetic.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Piper screeched.

"YOU THINK I KNOW?!" her boyfriend yelled.

A voice from the upper decks screamed, "CRAB ON THE LOOSE!"

A crab? Leo remembered a magical crustacean from Greek Mythology. Although he had only attended a few lessons of Monster Training, he still recalled a few key points.

Karkinos was a giant crab that had fought alongside Hercules against the Hydra.

It turned out that it was actually the crab that had managed to kill the Hydra in the end and not Hercules (Contrary to popular belief).

And of course, Hercules being Hercules took all the glory. On top of that, Hercules roasted the crab and ate it.

Now after a gazillion years, it was completely resurrected and prepared for revenge.

**BRING ON THE FLAMES COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Thanks for all your contest entries and for reading this chapter!**

**Please review and tell me if there's anything that needs to be improved.**


	10. Total Cupcake Domination

**Just a reminder, the words used in this chapter submitted by the readers are- HOBO, SAMMICH & CAT.**

**Please READ and REVIEW!**

**I do not own PJO, for I own a tomato.**

**It's so poetic, don't you think? I got my skills from my dad (Apollo).**

_**The Adventure of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Total Cupcake Domination

Despite the fact that his precious ship was been taken apart by flaming cannon balls and a giant crab, Leo was curled up in a ball in front of the television. He wanted to apologise, desperately but he couldn't communicate with Calypso until she switched the TV on her side on.

He'd do almost anything for her to forgive him. All Leo wanted was for the love of his life to talk to him again. 'Did I just call Calypso the love of my life?" Leo asked himself. 'I'M TURNING ALL SAPPY LIKE PERCY! NO!'

Frank cautiously stepped into the control room and turned to face the cowardly Supreme Commander.

"In case you didn't notice, our ship is under attack and you're just sitting there like a **hobo**," Frank said as he prodded Leo's arm. "Hello?"

Leo slowly raised his head to look Frank in the eye. "You think I don't know that?" The tone was soft but dangerous.

"Do you want this quest to fail?"

It was a fairly simple question. Yes or no, but Leo had trouble answering.

Thankfully, in the middle of an awkward moment, the TV flickered to life.

"CALYPSO! I'm so sorry, I'll never ask you that again. Please forgi-" Leo started.

"I don't want your stupid apology, Leo." Calypso was clearly feeling quite rude and even cut off Leo from his dramatic apology.

"What were you going to say? Hm?" Calypso had her arms folded across her chest. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll do anything you want?!" she imitated with a high-pitched voice.

Calypso straightened her posture and said in a dignified manner, "I just called to let you know that I've moved on. I've gotten over you." She was cradling a **cat** in a very tender and loving position.

"I found this poor little kitten washed up on the beach and somehow, it didn't crash land on it or destroy it!" With every syllable she spoke, her voice got higher and squeakier until she could barely manage anything at all.

"I have named this poor defenceless animal Percy!" Calypso raised Percy high into the air with both hands like in The Lion King.

"Are you sure it's a he?" Frank asked awkwardly. He really didn't want to be in the firing lines of an arguing couple but the cat really did look like a she.

Calypso hesitated. "Just wait a minute."

She turned the kitten over and scrutinised it.

"I don't care if it's a girl and that's that! I love Percy more than you!"

And with that, the connection between the two of them was broken… Again.

"Does that mean you're helping us fight?" Frank asked hopefully.

Leo glared at him coldly and stormed out to join the battle.

* * *

><p>Lots of kids wanted to be in exciting action movies but Leo seriously didn't understand what was so great about life-threatening situations.<p>

Leo was working on the cannons and when they ran into a little hitch. They were out of bronze cannon balls. He was going to have to make his own ammo.

* * *

><p>He ran to the Dining Hall and got out an enchanted plate. He was hungry and in the mood for a <strong>sammich<strong> but Leo resisted the temptation.

"Gluten-free, no-sugar-added, vitamin-enriched, soy-free, goat-milk-and-seaweed-based cupcake simulations, please."

A dozen of the most disgusting cupcakes in the world appeared. Leo reached for another plate and asked for the "cupcakes" again.

In no time at all, Leo was barely managing to carry two heaping plates from the dining hall to the cannons. 'I am a genius,' Leo thought. 'No one else had ever thought of using cupcakes as ammo before, right? I am so original and awesome and epic and sexy… Any girl would be lucky to have someone like me.'

Leo fired the cannon and watched carefully to see what kind of damage it caused. A Cyclops lunged forward and swallowed it whole expecting it to be delicious. Obviously, the "cupcake" didn't live up to its expectations. The Cyclops swung his arms around and knocked out two other Cyclops and a centaur.

If one cupcake could take out four monsters, think of the damage that 24 could do!

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Thanks for reading and review to tell me how you feel about my story.**


	11. Weapons of Cosmic Destruction

**YAY! 1000+ views. Thanks for reading The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot.**

**If you haven't already, please also read my best friend's fanfic The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.**

**I do not own PJO or HoO because if I did, I wouldn't even bother writing a sequel to The Last Olympian or The Lightning Thief.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Weapons of Cosmic Destruction

"How many waves do we have left, soldier?" Leo demanded.

"You know we have an unlimited supply of cupcakes, right? So long as we have enchanted plates…" Jason replied slowly.

Leo nervously scratched his hair. "Yeah… I know, but it sounds way cooler when I put it like that, don't you think?"

* * *

><p>"FIRE!"<p>

Five cannons were simultaneously launched and a dozen monsters threw themselves forward to catch the baked goods even though they saw what had happened to their comrades.

Monsters, they never learn.

Who knew that five genetically engineered cupcakes could take out a total of twenty enemies? Maybe those monsters didn't get fed very much… They truly did seem famished… very famished.

The enemy fleet had around 2000 fighters. If the Argo II could launch five cupcakes at the same time and each wave could take out twenty monsters on average, it would take a hundred waves to defeat them. It would require 500 cupcakes… Leo almost felt sorry for those monsters…

Leo was manning the cannons with Jason, Nico, Frank and Coach Hedge. At first, the five of them were sharing two magical plates but it proved too tiring so Leo back to get more dishes.

Leo wasn't very sure of how many to get in order for everyone to have an equal number of plates. That was proof of how terrible he was at arithmetic. Confused, Leo just grabbed 9 enchanted plates and ran out to battle.

Okay people, I've got more ammo. He passed two plates to everyone and realised that they was one extra.

"Does anyone want an extra plate?" Leo asked.

"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me, pick me!" Coach Hedge screamed while waving his arms around.

Leo threw the plate like a Frisbee towards the satyr and Coach Hedge caught it squarely in his mouth. The ceramic crunched in his mouth.

"Mmm! Tasty!"

Leo strutted back to his battle station and popped a cupcake into the cannon and fired which landed on the ground only to be picked up by an orange pincer. Leo turned stiff. It was the monster crab…

Karkinos was like the Boss of a video game level. Cyclops, centaurs, gorgons and drakons were easy to get rid of but Karkinos was the really difficult challenge.

* * *

><p>The crab crushed the cupcake in his pincer and Leo gulped. That's probably what Karkinos would do if it ever got it's pincers on a scrawny boy like himself. Ouch!<p>

Leo gave a shaky laugh. "Any good ideas, guys?"

Leo gave no hesitation to his own question. "Jason will go down and stab its belly."

"Why me?" Jason asked confused. "Why can't it be you? Or Frank? Or Nico?"

"You left me out…" Coach complained.

"You're the heroic one. You always save the world and defeat all the monsters. AND IN THE END, YOU ALWAYS GET THE GIRL!" Leo screamed before storming off.

He knew that he was being really inappropriate but he was still reeling from his breakup with someone he wasn't going out with in the first place.

Jason shrugged and flipped his coin. He turned around to see if Leo was back and then got off the ship. If no one else was going to volunteer, it was his responsibility.

* * *

><p>Leo looked out the porthole and saw Jason stabbing his golden lance under Karkinos. The giant crab dissolved into sparkly dust. He was so lucky… Jason could save the world and get the girl. Why couldn't Leo do that?<p>

It wasn't like he could make everything right again. Could he?

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry for taking so long to update but I've been stuck on the story plot because I didn't plan ahead. If you have any suggestions, please send them in via reviews.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Be on the look out for the next chapter!**


	12. The Return of the Goddess

**I'm so glad that people actually read this. Thanks for spending your time reading my first fanfic! Enjoy this chapter and have fun reading it! :)**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Return of the Goddess

Leo sat in front of the television. He had been given one chance from Aphrodite to talk to the girl of his dreams and he had ruined it.

Leo was an inch away from killing off Frank and Jason because if he couldn't have love, why should they?

He shook himself out of it and realised what he had just thought. Was he really willing to kill his two guy friends just because they had perfect relationships?

Privately, Leo thought, 'If I could get Calypso back, it could be worth it…"

Obviously, Leo wouldn't do that seeing as the quest would be a failure if those two died.

'I do love her though… A lot…'

* * *

><p>"Oh? Leo messed it up again? I guess I'll have to go and undo his dirty work…"<p>

* * *

><p>Calypso was doing the gardening when her tomatoes exploded.<p>

"Oh my! Ew! Yuck, YUCK, Yuck, _YUCK_! Why do you plant these squish-able vegetables everywhere?! Urgh, now my outfit's dirty! Oh wait… I'm a goddess," the beautiful women rushed all in one breathe. She waved a hand over herself and then sighed in relief. "Much better…"

"Tomatoes are fruits…" Calypso slowly corrected.

"Oh?! Never mind… Sweetie? You do know that the scrawny, little lovesick boy is truly in love with you? Do you have any idea how hard I worked on recreating his image?! And he even asked me for dating advice?! He risked his manly pride to ask me how to deal with you!"

Calypso pondered over it. 'Does Leo really love me? Nah… If he really did, he would be able to tell how I really feel about him. You'd think that if he really knew me that well, he'd be capable of reading my emotions… really, really well.'

Calypso sniffed haughtily.

"He doesn't love me. Leo made that quite clear when he rejected me." That was when she realised what an ungoddessly thing she had said. "Besides, long distance relationships just don't work… You know?"

"Honey! Stop making excuses like that! The thing that you've got between the two of you… That's truly true love…" Aphrodite sighed and clasped her hands together. "True love… You can't deny it! The two of you were simply meant to be!"

Calypso rolled her eyes. Aphrodite was so cheesy; it was like she was reading from a soap opera script.

"And besides, Leo totally wants to you back. I mean like, look at him!" Aphrodite added excitedly as she waved her hand over the surface of the water in the fountain.

* * *

><p>The foggy image showed Leo curled up in a ball on a couch. He was in an enclosed room with a bed, a wooden three legged table, a small wardrobe, a metal desk and a metal stool.<p>

A macho looking Asian cautiously stepped into the control room and turned to face Leo. Or as we like to call him: the guy who really has trouble expressing his feeling regarding romance.

"In case you didn't notice, our ship is under attack and you're just sitting there like a hobo," the other boy said as he prodded Leo's arm. "Hello?"

Leo slowly raised his head to look the macho guy in the eye. "You think I don't know that?" The tone was soft but dangerous.

"Do you want this quest to fail?"

It was a fairly simple question but it looked like Leo had trouble answering.

The TV flickered to life.

"CALYPSO! I'm so sorry, I'll never ask you that again. Please forgi-" Leo started.

"I don't want your stupid apology, Leo." Calypso saw herself saying.

"What were you going to say? Hm?" Calypso (of the past) had her arms folded across her chest. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll do anything you want?!" she imitated with a high-pitched voice.

Calypso watched herself straighten her posture and say in a dignified manner, "I just called to let you know that I've moved on. I've gotten over you." She saw herself cradling a cat in a very tender and loving position.

"I found this poor little kitten washed up on the beach and somehow, it didn't crash land on it or destroy it!" With every syllable she spoke, her voice got higher and squeakier until she could barely manage anything at all. Calypso reflected on her past self. Two words. Vocal. Training.

"I have named this poor defenseless animal Percy!" Calypso proclaimed as she lifted the trembling feline in the air.

"Are you sure it's a he?" the other boy asked awkwardly. Calypso narrowed her eyes when she remembered how snide that boy was.

"Just wait a minute."

She turned the kitten over and scrutinised it.

"I don't care if it's a girl and that's that! I love Percy more than you!"

And with that, the connection between the two of them was broken.

"Does that mean you're helping us fight?" the Asian asked hopefully.

Leo glared at him coldly and stormed out of the room.

* * *

><p>"I told you so…" Aphrodite taunted.<p> 


	13. Silence

**Hey everyone!**

**Have fun reading my latest chapter and please review later to tell me how you feel.**

**If you haven't already, please also read my best friend's fanfic- The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Silence

"No she doesn't."

Raised eyebrow.

"She doesn't."

Raised eyebrows.

"She doesn't"

Knowing look.

"Does not."

Intense knowing look.

"Does not."

"She totally does."

"Prove it."

Aphrodite made a duck-face. "I can't believe that I have to make two long distance calls in one day…" she complained disdainfully.

It seemed like she quickly changed her mind and heroically said, "It's for love's sake!"

Aphrodite waved her glamorous hand through the air and created a foggy image of Calypso.

* * *

><p>"I told you he loved you," Aphrodite taunted.<p>

"That doesn't prove anything. He's acting. He's faking."

"Are you sure, honey? You can't fake true love. Love conquers all. And that is why I'm the goddess of love," Aphrodite explained.

"And I didn't understand anything you just said because I am not the goddess of love," Calypso countered. She frowned and started twirling her hair. She looked like she really wasn't sure if Aphrodite was right about her love "vibes".

Aphrodite raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Trust me, I am an expert on love. Do you think that a goddess of love such as myself wouldn't know if two young souls have intimate feelings towards each other? If I was clueless, do you honestly believe that I could possibly be such a successful major goddess?"

Calypso slightly twitched her lips into a smile. The operative word being slightly.

"I'm five thousand."

Aphrodite gave an 'are you kidding me?' look.

"Please don't be snooty with me."

"Well, how do you know that Leo loves me, hmm? He doesn't even understand the relationship between us! He even asked me what he was worth to me?! If he truly loved me, then he would know what I felt about him?!" Calypso ranted.

The next five minutes were completely filled with Calypso's outrageous ranting so I won't bore you with the details.

"Calypso, sweetie. Let me tell you this, even someone who wasn't a goddess of love would be capable of seeing the chemistry between you two. Are you seriously going to waste all that precious affection just because of one thing he said?" Aphrodite asked Calypso.

Calypso bit her lower lip and thought about thought about it carefully.

"Fine, what do I have to do?"

Aphrodite grinned.

"I told you so! You love him. All you have to do is turn on that TV and talk to him."

Calypso then seemed to realise what she had just said.

"Just so you know, I'm not doing this because I love him. It's because I can't stand you here on my island ranting about the properties of true love, okay?"

"Stop making excuses. I knew you would see the reality, now go and talk to Leo Valdez!" Aphrodite smirked.

* * *

><p>"So you're the evil mastermind behind Operation Love?" Leo asked.<p>

"Of course not, Leo! Operation Love?! That is an utterly stupid name! I call it, Operation Caleo. See? Calypso and Leo make Caleo! I am such a genius! I call them: ship names. Like Percabeth, Frazel and Jasper! My favourite ship name is Arodite. It's Ares and Aphrodite! You see?"

Leo rolled his eyes. 'Goddesses these days,' he thought.

"What are you still doing here Leo? Calypso should be on the television any minute now. Why don't you go talk to her now and sort it out with her? You don't need to thank me. Toodles!" Aphrodite called out graciously as she disintegrated.

Leo was planning to thank the goddess but where she used to be standing was nothing but thin air.

"Gee, thanks," Leo said to no one in particular.

* * *

><p>"So…"<p>

"So…"

"Hi…"

"Hi…"

"This is awkward…"

"I know…"

"So… uh, how's life?"

"Uneventful…"

"Aphrodite put you up to this?"

"Yup."

"So we have her to thank for this?"

"Yeah…"

"She said," Leo said while Calypso said, "I think."

"You first," the two of them said in unison.

"Kay," Leo said while Calypso said, "Oh, sure…"

This time, Leo stayed silent just in case Calypso going was going to say anything.

On the other hand, Calypso didn't say a word either because she knew Leo would be the type to say something immediately due to his ADHD.

And so began the never-ending silence.

**Thanks for reading, everyone!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

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**And please also review to give me suggestions about how to continue my story.**

**Thanks! :)**


	14. The Awkwardness Continues

**Hi to all readers out there!**

**Keep on reading to find out what happens during Calypso and Leo's awkward silence! :)**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Awkwardness Continues

"Who's your mum?"

"I dislike her too much to say her name."

"Can you spell it out?"

"I dislike her too much to spell her name."

"Fine, what's she like?"

"I dislike her too much to think about her."

"You're never going to tell me anything about her, are you?"

"Ooh! Would you look at that! An answer we both agree on!"

Leo held up his hands in surrender.

"Well, excuse me for trying to keep things rolling."

"Rolling? Seriously?" Calypso exclaimed. "My granny could come up with something better than that?!"

Leo saw an opening in the conversation.

"So who's your granny?"

Calypso couldn't help but groan while she held up her arms in exasperation.

"In case you don't remember, it's Gaia…"

"Oh… So you don't want to talk about it?" Leo asked Calypso awkwardly while shrugging.

Calypso's eyebrows looked like they wanted to run away from her perfect face.

"Gee… You think?!"

"Kay… Kay… that was obviously obvious. Sorry 'bout that. But you don't have to be so snooty about it."

Calypso was about to open her mouth and answer back sarcastically but then Leo remembered what happened last time he pissed her off so he quickly said,

"Wait! Forget I ever said anything. Just wait a minute."

Leo took a deep breath and then took a while to think up an apology.

"I'm really, really sorry. Please forget what I just. I never said anything. I am just a breathing corpse. Wait, no, that's not possible. Uh… Seriously! Forget I said anything."

Leo knew that it was a terrible apology and so cliché but it really wasn't like Leo could come up with anything better on the spot.

Leo clearly saw Calypso roll her eyes and mutter something colourful under her breath.

"So back to the awkward silence, right?" Leo murmured while slightly chewing his index finger.

"Yeah… I guess."

* * *

><p>Leo looked at Calypso and it seemed like she thought of something.<p>

"So… Leo? How's the Argo II being going?"

Leo thought about it. 'It took her two hours to of that pathetic conversation topic?'

"Um… We're doomed?"

"That's very… optimistic? Doesn't that mean you're probably going to die?"

"There's an eighty percent chance that the whole world's going to be enslaved by giants, a ten percent chance that we're only going to die and a fifteen percent chance that we're actually going to survive."

"You know… I'm right… You're way too optimistic. And going on epic quests to save the world really isn't helping your education, is it?"

Leo's ADHD and dyslexia really meant that his education was spotty at best. Demigods weren't exactly awesome at maths.

"Well all I can say is that we have a ninety chance of never returning alive or getting enslaved. None of the options sound really good so I guess we really can't fail…"

"Hmm… Excellent motivation?" Calypso joked lightly.

"Mais oui, an excellent motivator…"

"What does 'mais oui' mean?" Calypso giggled, confused.

"It's French for 'why yes.' You like it?"

The two of them were giggling away like there was no tomorrow.

"So does that mean that you've forgiven me yet?" Leo asked shyly.

He didn't want to anger her and have a replay of what happened last time.

"You think I'd still be here talking to you if I hadn't forgiven you?"

You know how they say only girls can do a duck-face? Well Leo completely disapproved of that saying. He believed in gender equality.

Well anyway, Leo made an adorable duck-face and shrugged.

"Maybe. Maybe not."

* * *

><p>"How's it going?"<p>

"It's… a work in progress."

"You know Gaia's gonna kill you right?"

"Dude, she's still asleep!"

"Remember last time when Scott died in his sleep and everyone thought it was an accident involving his pepperoni pizza?"

"Oh yeah! Apparently he got food poisoning and died from intense diarrhoea. Shame… He still owed me twenty six drachmas when he died…"

"I know the truth. He pissed off Gaia and she cursed his pepperoni so it would be half cooked and made him get food poisoning! She's too powerful!"

"Fine! Then I just won't eat any pepperoni. Easy!

"Do you honestly think that's the only way she can kill you?!"

"Gosh darnit!"

**Thanks for reading! Please review to tell me how you feel and give me suggestions on the storyline.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	15. The Chicken Nugget Shield

**Hey everyone!**

**Sorry, but I desperately need suggestions on the plot so that I can keep the story regularly updated.**** I am open to any reasonable suggestions so please review later! :)**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Chicken Nugget Shield

"It's no use! We'll NEVER override the system. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Piper screeched.

"Do you know anyone who can hack it?!" Hazel yelled desperately.

"Well, Leo can! Duh!" Jason yelled back.

Piper screamed back with a very confused tone (Look, people. No one has any idea how that works, but deal with it. This is fanfiction. Anything's possible), "WHERE IS THE REPAIR BOY WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!"

"IN HIS ROOM, TALKING TO CALYPSO!" Frank answered frankly.

The situation was getting worse by the second and by now, everyone was screaming in panic. Everyone, screaming, I'm telling you! Even Nico… Now that was weird…

"GO GET HIM OUT OF HIS FREAKING ROOM!" Nico squealed.

Yes, people. Today is a monumental day! Nico is squealing!

Coach Hedge was nowhere to be seen (thank goodness).

Eventually, the demigods decided to send Jason to get Leo because not everyone had the power to pull a guy away from his girlfriend.

"OWN UP! WHERE'S THE NINJA ASSASIN?!" a goatly voice yelled.

There was an 'Oh no' to be heard and then all hell broke loose.

* * *

><p>"You hang up first!"<p>

"No you!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"Um… I'll hang up for the two of you," Jason interrupted.

He pressed the 'POWER' button and the screen went completely black.

"HEY!" Leo whined.

"It's for your own good. And the ship's. There's some kind computerised virus attacking the ship's chicken nugget shield," Jason explained.

"Say that again."

"Why?"

"It's funny hearing you say something random, like chicken nugget shield."

Jason rolled his eyes and whacked the back of Leo's head.

"Get to it, repair boy."

* * *

><p>Leo took out the batteries from the Wii controller and then reinserted them. He pressed Ctrl, Alt and Delete on the laptop and then entered Jupiter, 9, Orion, Serpent, and Omega into a bronze sphere.<p>

"They're officially off our tail. And I installed voice recognition into the mega cup holders. No need to thank me. No actually, thank me," Leo rambled on.

Thankfully, the others didn't thank him. Leo clearly didn't need even more ego stroking.

"Am I done, here?" Leo asked hopefully.

He wanted – no he needed – to get back to Calypso.

"Not so fast, Leo. You've spent the last three days talking to her and you've missed out on seven monsters. We are banning you from that room until you prove yourself."

"How?"

"We'll see…"

"Am I allowed to call her one last time to tell her why I'll be off the radar for a few days?"

"Sure-" Frank started but Jason was absolutely ruthless.

"No, I'm going to go in your place and tell her for you," he ordered mercilessly.

'Damn,' Leo thought to himself, 'I wanted to talk to Calypso just one more time and I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids.'

* * *

><p>Leo scrubbed the dish. Despite the fact that the dishes were enchanted to give you any kind of food you could possibly think of, they could not clean themselves. And additionally, the Argo II did not have an unlimited supply of those plates.<p>

Although Leo had a pair of lava-proof gloves on, he could still feel the over-whelming heat. Apparently, Percy Jackson was given the same punishment when he was around thirteen.

'On the bright side,' Leo thought, 'Great minds think alike. YAY! That means we're both great!'

Leo had a mini celebration inside his head. Maybe Leo could be heroic too.

Maybe when all this was over, Leo would finally become an awesome hero.

**Thank you for reading!**

**Please, please, please review to tell me what to do with this story coz if I get stuck, I won't be able to update so regularly. And then there'll be an awful chain of events which will lead to me giving this story a crap ending or completely deleting it.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	16. Buford gets the Girl

**Hey guys!**

**Please have fun reading the latest chapter!**

**If you find the time, could you please also read my best friend's fanfic: The Misadventures of a Bald Emo?**

**I do not own PJO, coz I'm probably just not awesome enough… :(**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Buford gets the Girl

Leo scowled. The rest of the quest had decided to let him clean the entire ship without magic or robots. It was torture but Leo was only doing it for quality time with Calypso. The stupid things he did for love… It was official: Leo was pathetic.

Currently, Leo was stuck in the Engine Room doing repairs on the engine (that Buford happened to have a mega crush on).

He was thinking to himself. 'Oh gee, my table has a more stable relationship than I do.'

It was truly a sad, sad life…

Leo polished the pipes connected to the enchanted furnace. The sooner he could prove himself, the sooner he could talk to Calypso.

People out there were wrong. Long distance relationships weren't that bad even if the girl was in a different dimension.

* * *

><p>Leo was now in Hazel's room. He wasn't very sure if it was appropriate for him to be cleaning a girl's room. What if he found something like a secret diary or underwear or even WIGS?! What if Hazel was secretly bald and wore wigs to cover it up?!<p>

This is what happens inside the mind of an ADHD and dyslexic kid.

Leo's focus strayed further away from cleaning the room and more into randomness.

If he ever got interrogated by people maybe someone could invent a mind-reading helmet. And then when they read his mind, he'll be all like: 'Rainbows, unicorns, tacos, ponies, laptops, cookies, dandelions, THIS BOY IS ON FIRE, etc'

Maybe he could invent a mind-reading hat…

Leo vigorously shook himself out of it and concentrated on cleaning the room. He got a duster out of his utility belt and started dusting the walls when he noticed the notice board. There was a picture of Sammy pinned up against the felt with pretty, multi-coloured pushpins.

Leo examined his great grandfather's curly, black hair and his crazy, goofy grin. Sammy was so much funnier than Leo. He was wearing a striped cap and a tacky, blue T-shirt. 'So that's who I got my fashion sense from,' Leo thought sarcastically.

'Well, on with the cleaning!'

* * *

><p>"Am I done yet? Have I proved myself?" Leo asked hopefully. It had taken more than three days to clean the entire ship and Leo hoped that it had paid off.<p>

"Uh… No… We just got you to clean the ship because:

1) The ship's filthy and

2) No one else wants to do it."

"So I wasted three and a half days of my precious on doing something that didn't need to be done?!" Leo exclaimed.

"Oh no, no, no," Piper corrected while shaking her head, "The ship really did need cleaning."

"You said I could go back to my room if I proved myself! It's not fair!" Leo whined like a child.

"Uh," Jason said awkwardly while scratching his head, "By proving yourself, we meant something like destroying an epic monster…"

Leo bit his lip to hold back any snarky comments. 'If the rest of the quest wants me to slay a monster, then so be it,' Leo thought heroically. He sighed and headed to the control room.

* * *

><p>Calypso was in the "man cave" that Leo had left behind. It held fragments of memories. She looked at the navigational device that they had built together. Sadly, it never had a chance to be used when the raft arrived.<p>

Right now, the magical defences of Ogygia were unstable and could crumble at any moment which meant that there had to be cracks or openings in the force shield. 'If I could adjust the device, maybe I could track down all the wisps of magical energy…' Calypso thought to herself. And in no time, Calypso's mind was running off like an evil genius'.

Her hands flew across the wires of the navigational device in hopes of reprogramming the machine to recognise traces of magical activity of the shield.

'And then once I can see where the shield is crumbling, I'll be capable to travel between the two dimensions. And then I'll somehow find Leo. On second thoughts, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it… Provided that there actually is a bridge.'

Let's not get this wrong people, reprogramming a navigational device is actually very hard work (contrary to popular belief) so please do not try this at home unless of course, you're an evil genius too...

* * *

><p>"Let's get this party started," Calypso told herself.<p>

**Thank you for reading. Like I said before, please review to tell me how you feel and feel free to give me suggestions.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	17. A Revolving Journey

**Hey guys!  
>Sorry for not updating in ages because I recently got a new laptop from school and I'm getting used to it (despite the fact that I got myself locked out of it on the first day). So here is my chapter. Hope you enjoy it! :)<strong>

I do not own PJO or any of its characters because if I did, there would be a goddess of penguins.

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ A Revolving Journey  
>The compass was going haywire. Calypso frowned dignifiedly then pondered over it. Even though the device was technically worked, Ogygia was in the middle of nowhere which meant that compass north could be anywhere.<p>

The needle stayed at North-West and then instantly darted to East. The second needle rotated in an anti-clockwise direction and landed on South. Calypso sighed disgruntledly. Finding a way to the outside world would be a lot harder than she expected.

* * *

><p>Leo was in another dimension (literally!) worrying over his own problems. He was up on the decks trying to somehow lure some advice out of Festus, again.<p>

Call him sad but Leo simply couldn't summon the courage to ask any other living organisms on the ship (and let's not even mention people not on the ship) on advice concerning his romantic troubles. Hephaestus was actually right (for once). None of the family on his dad's side were much good at interacting or anything to do with getting along with humans.

'Great Dad,' Leo screamed inside his head, 'I just had to inherit my social awkwardness from you, didn't?!'  
>Leo shook his head. 'Save it for when you actually see him.'<p>

"Creak," the bronze masthead creaked.

'Oh well… At least it was a better reaction than it was last time,' Leo thought sadly.  
>Unless Festus has girl troubles too, Leo didn't see how Festus would be of any help.<br>"Well, bye Big Guy…"

Leo shuffled his feet down the wooden steps and made his way over to the mess hall. He pulled one out of the stack and sat down at the long table where the rest of the crew was waiting.

"Oh? Is it lunch already coz I was just grabbing a quick snack," Leo explained.

Everyone quickly glanced at each other and Jason nodded.  
>"Leo, this is dinner," he said slowly.<p>

Leo shrugged casually, "Kay. Does it really matter?"  
>On the inside, Leo was thinking to himself, 'Either I woke up really, really late or I spent loads of time having a one-sided conversation with Festus.'<p>

A vast piece of pale-pink cake appeared on the plate. Before sitting down on the bench, Leo grabbed one of the enchanted glasses and wished for coffee. That is, Leo's special version of coffee.

Leo awkwardly sat on the bench.  
>"Hey… Was 'sup?" he asked casually, trying to start a non-awkward conversation.<p>

"You would know if you ate all your meals with us, Cupcake!" Coach Hedge screamed into his left ear.

Leo winced and then immediately shuffled a few inches to his right.

Piper looked Leo in the eye and gave him a knowing look which he returned with a torrent of grateful looks.  
>"Coach, you haven't attended many meals yourself so you're not one to talk," she accused.<p>

The coach blushed tomato red and then started stuttering curses. Moments later, there was a very flustered satyr storming out of the hall. Occasionally, Coach Hedge stumbled into wall which caused him to yell, "Watch where you're going!"

The remaining six demigods rolled their eyes.

* * *

><p>The sparkling crystal twinkled in the moonlight, littering patches of rainbow light all over the island. The crystal had somehow fixed the problem with the magnetic needle.<p>

If you asked Calypso, she wouldn't really be able to explain it but the important thing was that it worked. It wasn't like she was going to be lecturing a bunch of schoolkids on why the small gem worked.

Calypso headed off the island on the raft she made with Leo. She was currently heading South-East and planned to keep it that way unless she saw land. Eventually, she had to hit some kind of land formation, right?

Sometime later, a giant rock cropping could be seen.

'Finally!' She thought to herself.  
>She rowed over and got off the raft.<p>

"Damn!" she yelled for anyone out there in Ogygia to here. If you were there at that time, you would've definitely heard it.  
>She was back on the other side of Ogygia.<p>

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I've started school again so I might not find a lot of time to keep on writing. Don't worry! I won't stop writing until I'm complete! :D**


	18. Llamas R Us

**Good work people! 4000+ views!  
>I've somehow found the time to update despite my busy schedule. I'm in the middle of class right now! *blush blush*<br>Please also read my friend's fanfic: The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.**

**I do not own PJO because Rick Riordan is not sitting in Textiles right now.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Llamas R Us  
>Calypso was ready for Test Run 2.0. She had tinkered with the magnets in the compass and found that it was more stable.<br>Now all Calypso had to count on, was the magical defences.

She took a deep breath and prayed. If relying on those power hungry immortals was what it took to get out of Ogygia, Calypso would take that chance.

* * *

><p>Leo sat on his bed wondering about what Calypso was doing at the time. Despite the fact that the communication device was only inches in front of him, he resisted the urge to turn it on.<p>

He felt like he was back in kindergarten. The teacher was telling his not to touch the big, red button. Yes, it was the same kindergarten that Leo got kicked out of for playing with fire and unintentionally burning five classrooms, a library and a hall.

'Good times,' Leo thought suavely.

Leo pulled his metal scraps out of his back pocket. It had been ages since he had even thought about them despite his uncontrollable ADHD.  
>Leo slightly bent one of the pieces of metal to make it fit perfectly with the other. A screw or two or fifteen later, Leo tried to fly the plane. It managed to fly around five feet before dropping to the ground dead.<p>

Leo frowned and bit his upper lip. He scrutinised the contraption. Everything fit into each other and there were no screws missing which should've guaranteed the propeller to work.  
>He then spun the tri-blade propeller with his finger slowly and found that it would occasionally get caught on the edge of the bronze. He bent over the corner to straighten it out and Leo then tried to fly the plane again.<p>

Even though the plane worked, Leo wasn't quite satisfied because it caused such a commotion. He started wondering about how to reduce the volume level and he treaded over the line into Leo-world.

Nico took that opportunity to waltz in (no, he didn't really waltz) stealthily.

Leo stared. Nico really wasn't the type to randomly walk into someone else's room without a clear objective so he had to be here for a reason.

Leo's jaw hit the ground as if he just saw Hades dropping by in his boxers.

Nico took one glance at Leo's expression and quickly said, "Nope. Forgot what I was going to say. Bye!"

Nico was gone in a blink of the eye and reappeared in the same manner, "Forget that I was ever here," before disappearing again.

Leo continually turned his head back and forth from the doorway to the television. 'Strange kid,' he thought.

* * *

><p>Calypso ran her fingers through her hair. She had let it down because she used the hair-tie to bind two planks of wood together. The raft was coming along nicely although some of the bindings were coming loose.<p>

She looked at her only chance of escape from isolation (the raft) and blinked. Now all Calypso had to do was keep on sailing out until the magical defences wore down or failed.  
>Being a goddess trying to break out of house arrest sure was boring.<p>

She couldn't wait to break free and started wondering about what life was like outside. Calypso tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and thought about the life that Percy had described. Cars, tall apartments, no stars and worst of all: NO GARDENS!

'If I really do manage to escape from Ogygia, I'll have to grow a garden. I have to,' Calypso thought determinedly. Living in the outside world would be… different compared to the island. What would she wear? Where would she live? How would she get by? Questions circled around in her mind before Calypso vigorously shook them out. She sat on the raft, picked up the paddle and then started rowing.

* * *

><p><strong>Ages and ages and ages later…<strong>  
>Calypso saw the exact same rock cropping that she saw last time.<p>

She sighed and began rowing out to sea again.  
>"One more time," Calypso said out loud. "Third time's the charm, right?"<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Ages and ages and ages later… Again…<br>**Calypso caught sight of land once again, but there wasn't a rock cropping that looked like a three-legged unicorn in sight.

'I guess three times really is the charm,' Calypso thought to herself.  
>She stopped rowing and waited for the current to pull her in.<p>

And when she washed up on shore she noticed a mountain that didn't seem to be there before because it was obscured by mist. As in mist, not Mist mist. Greek mythology sure was confusing.

Calypso turned her head up to look at the mountain before a furry animal fell out of the sky. Was that a llama?

**I'll try my best to update tomorrow but I've got school so don't count on it.**

**Pick your randomest/favourite word and post it via reviews.**

**I will choose the TOP 3 and use them in CHAPTER 20. The winners will be announced in Chapter 19 so I won't be updating until I get at least 5 entries.**

**Additionally, 1st Place gets to read Chapter 20 before anybody else does.**  
><strong>Same deal as last time.<strong>

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**  
><strong>Please also review to tell me how you feel about my writing!<strong>


	19. Thank Zeus for Llamas!

**Hey everyone!  
>Guess who's in Textiles again?<strong>

**The winners from the last chapter's contest are:  
>1<strong>**st**** Place- The Beloved Bookworm (Piffle)  
>2<strong>**nd**** Place- Thalia Ginny C (Omnishambles)  
>3<strong>**rd**** Place- Bunnyman4 (Serendipity)**

**Congratulations to all winners and look out for your words in the next chapter!  
>Additionally, The Beloved Bookworm will receive Chapter 20 in hisher Inbox (in advance, of course)!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Thank Zeus for Llamas!  
>"Gaia's totally gonna have your head, or whatever's left in there. You do know that right? Remember what happened to the last guy who didn't do what she said?"<p>

"Yeah… He went on vacation with his wife to Hawaii…"

"No! Not Samson, you dolt! Richards! He was drowned in a tub of hot sauce."

"Your point being what exactly?"

A sigh echoed throughout the ship.  
>"There's a reason everyone calls you an idiot, isn't there?"<p>

* * *

><p>Leo sighed heftily. It was frustrating not knowing what Calypso was doing. He slowly reached for the button on the side of the TV. It was so close. So close… His calloused finger was inches away from the big red forbidden button. He snatched his finger back when he heard footsteps thundering down the hallway.<p>

"HAZEL!" the masculine voice bellowed. "I NEED HELP!"

There were shuffling noises that implied that Hazel was getting to the door.  
>"What is it Coach?" she said sounding half asleep.<p>

"Do you have any spare drachmas on you?" Coach Hedge whispered desperately. "Fifty or so should be enough."

Leo wrinkled his nose. What would Coach need fifty drachmas for? Either he wanted to melt them down to meld a giant statue of Pan, or Hedge was secretly a gryphon. Both sounded equally likely.

Leo walked over to his door and closed it slowly. 'I guess I'm not the only weirdo on the ship then,' he thought happily.

* * *

><p>What was this terrible place? Where was she? Why in Tartarus were llamas falling from the sky?!<p>

None of those questions could be answered by Calypso. It seemed very likely that she was somewhere in South America though… If it weren't for the fluffy llamas, Calypso had no idea how long it would take for her to establish her whereabouts. Thank Zeus for llamas!

But now came the hard part, how was she supposed to find her way around?  
>It wasn't like she had a map… And besides, even if she did, how could she be sure that Leo would find her? Calypso mentally face-palmed. She hadn't thought this out very well, had she?<p>

Right now all she could do was look around.

**A while later…**

It wasn't like she was part of the Girl Guides. Calypso had no idea how to survive in the world without her wind spirits. Despite the fact that they were invisible, she had grown to love them. You try being exiled to a desert island with wind spirits. Let's see how well you guys get along after four thousand years. Spending four thousand years in another dimension and not getting along with your room mates simply wasn't a valid option.

After four whole hours of frolicking around, all she had managed to gather were a couple of suspicious-looking berries (that may or may not be poisonous), some strange plants (that may or may not be just plain grass), a small pond of murky water (that may or may not be inhabited by frogs and a dead llama (that may or may have not been the one that fell off a mountain-side).

Calypso glanced at the berries and decided not to risk her life. It was only then that she remembered she was immortal and didn't need human food.  
>"There goes four hours of my precious life I'll never get back," she said out loud.<p>

Seeing as she spent that much time on getting food, she ate it just for the sake of it. Human food was better than no food at all.

She nibbled like a rabbit on the grass. For all those people out there who want to know what grass tastes like, it's terrible. She spat it straight out and proceeded to getting the taste out with llama meat.

Don't worry people. Calypso cooked the meat first. Don't ask me how. She's magical, okay?

'Bleurgh,' Calypso thought, 'You're never catching me near that stuff ever again!'

* * *

><p>"It's okay everyone. I have the situation perfectly under control. This ship isn't exploding into flames anytime soon," he reassured.<p>

Leo wasn't sure how long he could keep this up. Was the ship even in that much danger, you ask? Well, yes. Coach Hedge was having his first attempt of cooking… ever.

Yes, I know that the ship supplies magical plates that create any type of food possible (even tin cans!) but Coach insisted. He was a very stubborn man/goat/satyr-thingie. Coach Hedge was in a really good mood for some reason. Although the satyr enjoyed eating silverware and napkins, he wanted to show how much he appreciated the demigods.

He could get a bouquet, teach a free lesson of PE, or even sing a song, but no, he just had to cook.

Leo was having a hard time keeping the other five demigods (Frank, Jason, Hazel, Piper and Nico that is) from prying the Coach away from the stove. Sure, he wanted to stop Coach as well, but he didn't want to be the one kicked all the way to the other side of the world (Jamaica, maybe?).

"Do you guys really want to travel all around the world with a baseball bat?" Leo frantically asked.

The demigods got the message and slumped away to their respective rooms, but not before giving Leo a simultaneous mega-glare.

Leo awkwardly darted his eyes around the kitchen before deciding to turn around and monitor the Coach's cooking.

"No Coach… no… The oil does not go directly on the fire… NO!"

**YAY! I managed to update! Don't expect another update for… forever? No, not really. Maybe Saturday (And I'm talking about Eastern Australian time)? Please review! And remember next chapter will have the three winning entries!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	20. A Cinderella Story

**Hey everyone! Shout-out to fairytail5evaJCL because she's sitting next to me right now. She's reading Mark of Athena so… I hope she catches up on Heroes of Olympus soon!**

**Just a reminder, the winning words were piffle, omnishambles and serendipity.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ A Cinderella Story

Calypso gritted her teeth. You'd probably grit your teeth too if you were in her situation. She had left her island and forgotten to take her cat with her. Coincidentally, the cat was named Percy. Okay, fine, it wasn't just a coincidence. She just wanted Leo to feel regretful, maybe even jealous.

In the great hurry to leave, she had forgotten to call for Percy. It was official. This was the second to worst day of her life (the worst of course, being the day she was sentenced to Ogygia). Uh… was there any cat food left in her bowl?

Calypso remembered her reason for ignoring Leo for a couple of days. He didn't get the relationship between the two of them. Personally, she didn't either. Did that make her a hypocrite? She hoped not.  
>She had actually wanted Leo to tell her. She wasn't sure what was going on so she wanted, no NEEDED Leo to know. Being an immortal goddess could be very frustrating sometimes.<p>

She plaited her hair into a side braid and then realised that she didn't have a hair tie. Life totally sucked.  
>'Could be worse,' she thought. 'I could be rotting away with Father in Tartarus.'<br>Compared to death, being stuck in South America seemed like a luxury.

* * *

><p>"That's just <strong>piffle<strong>!" Frank cried. "It's ridiculous! It's nonsense! It simply cannot be-"

"Frank? Have you been reading the thesaurus again?" Hazel asked.

Frank blushed lightly and Hazel drew him into a huge hug. After all, it wasn't every day a child of Mars read a book, let alone a dictionary! She was so proud of him. This was such a fortunate stroke of **serendipity**!

But Frank was right. The situation was piffle, ridiculous and nonsense.  
>Not only was Coach Hedge cooking, but he also wanted the teen demigods to sample his "cuisine" and assess his culinary "skills". The quotation marks were necessary.<p>

He had made ham, cheese and tomato quiche. Only without the ham but everyone knows that satyrs are vegetarians! So he had actually made a cheese and tomato quiche. That sounds alright, right? But wait, there's more.

The eggs were there but Coach Hedge had overestimated the stomach capacities of little "cupcakes". Not only did he expect everyone to eat the eggs, he didn't throw away the eggshells. He threw entire eggs into the blender to mix.  
>Nor did Coach peel the onions.<p>

Additionally he didn't really understand what a pinch meant. Google said that that making pastry with a pinch of salt would be optimal. He asked the magical plates for a pinch of salt and approximately ten grains appeared. He scrutinised it and decided that it wasn't enough.

"You call this pathetic amount a pinch?!" Coach Hedge bellowed upwards to no one in particular (probably the gods). "I demand this plate to be filled an entire mountain of salt!"

The result of course, was not very pretty. In fact, it wasn't pretty at all! No, the ship did not get flooded by salt. Something even worse happened. How is that possible, you ask? Coach Hedge asked for a mountain of salt. A small but solid structure of salt appeared on the plate. It was so heavy that the plate cracked and fell to the floor.

Damn!

And he expected the six young demigods to eat his 'wondrous creation'.  
>Life was hell…<p>

* * *

><p>"Please! Please, please, pretty please with Zera on top!" the nagging voice… nagged.<p>

"No matter how many times you ask me, I simply cannot agree," the fatherly voice sighed. "And what's Zera anyway?"

Aphrodite folded her arms in annoyance at the Ruler of Gods.  
>"Zera? That's you! Well, you and Hera that is…"<p>

Zeus wrinkled his nose in thought. 'Zera,' he mouthed silently. Then, 'Heus.'  
>He shuddered at the sound of the second option.<p>

"Why do you think I call it Zera? Heus just sounds weird!" she said defiantly.  
>"And besides, why not? It's a perfectly reasonable request for the sake of Operation Caleo…"<p>

"Aphrodite, you cannot simply teleport Calypso to Leo just for the sake of love! We gods and goddesses simply aren't allowed to interfere with mere humans! It's forbidden. You being the goddess of love should know that…" Zeus replied.

"Fine!" Aphrodite yelled folding her arms. "I hate you, you poop-head!"

She stormed out of the throne room. It wasn't fair. Jasper was together on the ship and so was Frazel. Even Percabeth was together in Tartarus! So why couldn't Operation Caleo just be a nice and simple Cinderella story? Aphrodite scoffed elegantly (don't ask me how that works).  
>'Although love was very wayward and often created <strong>omnishambles<strong>, it always created happy endings. And if there's no happy ending, well, at least it would make a wonderful novel. And then people can make a horrible movie based on the book!'

After thinking about it, Aphrodite concluded, 'Maybe they don't have to end up together… The story of the two would be entertainment enough…

**So how was that everyone? I know that I made Aphrodite sound really mean and terrible but that's the kind of attitude that I got from her. To Blackberry's question about my views on Perico my answer is: I don't really ship them… And I am Christian so I don't encourage it. I used to think PJO was for kids… Guess not.  
>Anyway, remember to review and check out my other fanfic!<br>I'm also planning to end this story and write a sequel soon about Leo introducing Calypso to all the things she missed out on when she was stranded on Ogygia but I also have an idea for a new fanfic about a happy "demigod" (Who's actually not a demigod cos she's half naiad/nymph). So please tell me via reviews whether to write a sequel or start anew.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	21. Child Safety Caps

**Hi everyone!  
>Good work on the 7000+ views! I'm proud of you! And remember to review to tell me whether you want a sequel or a new story. Thanks!<strong>

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Child Safety Caps

Leo's life was currently hell. But he didn't dare say that out loud in case Hades wished to make Leo's wish come true.

The entire situation was a bunch of tiny little catastrophes that merged a created a mega-catastrophe. Ooh! Mega-tastrophe… If only the Gods had kept their promise… If only he knew where Calypso was… If only he wasn't so weak and helpless…  
>Leo felt so distraught that he lashed his hand out at the closest or most reachable object. Unfortunately for him, Leo was doing his self-evaluation in the engine room so his hand hit a particularly sharp-looking gear and got jammed in it.<p>

He winced. 'Ow, ow, ow, ow,' he thought. He swore that he heard bones in his fingers crack creating a very painful experience. He had to endure the pain for four more seconds as gear spun until his hand could wiggle out.

Leo pulled up his hand and turned it around to scrutinise it. The surface was red and slightly yellow and purple. If he wasn't mistaken, there was a bit of blue in there as well. When he tried to moisturise it a bit with his spit (Don't go EW! I'm pretty sure everyone's done it at least once!), he failed. Why? Because his hand was too lazy to move and his tongue wasn't long enough.

Leo groaned and trudged up the stairs that led out of the engine room. Why did all his important thinking related to Calypso happen in the engine room? It was giving him way too much exercise. Going up and down and up and down those stairs every single freaking day! 'Maybe I can install an elevator…' he thought inventively.

"TO THE INFIRMARY!" Leo said with an elevated fist, "WOOSH!"

* * *

><p>Percy meowed. She proceeded to licking her front paw. It was outrageous! Why was it that she had to get shipped off to Ogygia?! She was in the middle of a let's-go-save-the-world quest!<br>She understood that Calypso needed her company as there was no one else on the island but if she didn't go back to her world, lives could be at stake.

It was sad that every hero left Calypso eventually but Percy had places to go. And it was pretty sad that Calypso couldn't even figure out her gender until her smartie boyfriend pointed it out.

Personally, Percy was very insulted. Why didn't any other heroic cats end up here? And why did a female cat such as herself get sent to Ogygia? According to the rants of Calypso, only male heroes got sent there. So why did this have to happen in the middle of a quest that could decide the fate of the entire world? One slip-up and the world would run out of its supply of gourmet cat food.

Couldn't anyone tell how important this was? Why did the gods have to punish Percy like this? It was a really terrible timing…

* * *

><p>Leo was trying. And that was what mattered. He had an aspirin bottle in between his legs and trying to twist it open with one working hand. Curse broken hands, aspirin bottles and child safety caps!<p>

He gave up on the aspirin and reached for a sealed bag of ambrosia.  
>No matter how much he enjoyed the taste of ambrosia, Leo didn't really have a good sense of measurement. He had no idea when he was going overboard with the food of the immortals. Having powers over fire, meant that his body was always warm, and that felt normal. It's hard to tell when to stop indulging the ambrosia.<br>He had one side of the plastic bag in his left hand and the other in between his teeth. The bag broke open and small golden crumbs came flying out.

Leo used his fingers to wiggle a few remaining pieces out of the bag and managed to swallow a piece. Lemonade… It tasted like Calypso's lemonade…

It made him nostalgic so he went back to the engine room to sulk and evaluate the value and existence of his lifetime.

Now everyone, let's just all hope Leo's hand heals quickly and he doesn't get his fingers jammed again.

* * *

><p>Calypso smiled. She had more luck with her foraging today and even managed to find what looked like a navigational map. She turned it around 180 degrees so that she could read the tiny words.<p>

"Your nearest McDonalds is now serving healthier alternatives for the signature McHappy Meal. Now with less fat, and still the same great taste," Calypso dictated. That didn't sound right… She noticed some fine print on the bottom.

'Ah-ha! So that's where the guidance information is!" she thought triumphantly.

"Not all stores and machinery may be in stock or operating conditions. Healthier in comparison to super-size Beef McAngus meal," Calypso continued. "DAMMIT!"

She let the breeze lift the pamphlet away from her. And that was when she remembered something absolutely crucial. Calypso was a goddess for Zeus' sake! She could teleport! Couldn't she? She concentrated on Mount Olympus and willed herself to go there before realising that the Olympians could still be really mad about the whole titan-supporting issue.

Did that make Calypso a homeless person? She hoped not. The girl thought about the way Leo's face would instantly light up whenever he talked about Camp Half-Blood.

'I'll go to Camp Half-Blood then,' Calypso resolved.

**Well that took a while didn't it? I'm finally updating! :D PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO TELL ME ABOUT WHETHER I SHOULD WRITE A SEQUEL OR START ON A NEW FANFIC ABOUT A HALF-NYMPH IN THE REVIEWS!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	22. The Babies of Caleo

**Hey guys! Sorry for making you wait so long but I do have schoolwork (and I have to catch up with 13 years' worth of manga and anime but let's just pretend that's schoolwork). In Australia, we've had a week of holidays so far but I wasn't bothered to update because of my 'omg-it's-the-holidays-and-I-can't believe-they're-finally-here-so-I'm-going-to-do-nothing-for-a-whole-week' syndrome.**

**So here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy it!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Babies of Caleo

Ok everyone, let's get something straight. When Calypso tried to teleport to Camp Half-Blood, the operative word was tried. She had planned on teleporting to Olympus with her goddess-ly powers but then reconsidered because the gods did try to punish her by banishing her to an island in another dimension for all eternity probably didn't want to see her again…

She had thought about teleporting to a certain apartment in Manhattan where a certain son of the sea god lived but then she realized that it was stupid for two reasons: 1) It would look bad from Leo's point of view if she teleported to the house of her former love interest and 2) Percy wouldn't be there anyway because he would be too busy on a let's-go-save-the-world quest (as usual).

Calypso didn't get what was wrong. She had clicked her fingers, hadn't she? She clicked her fingers again… and again… and again. Unless Calypso's magical power was suddenly drained by weird and random forces, the finger-clicking really should've worked.

'Great, just great,' she thought.

* * *

><p>"ACHOOO!" the powerful man sneezed. Zeus wiped a bit of snot from his wet nostrils and wondered if he had kept his eyes open throughout the sneeze. Just because mortals couldn't open their eyes and sneeze at the same time, it didn't mean that immortals couldn't either. But unfortunately, it seemed as though even gods had a limit.<p>

He had just gone through torture from his adopted daughter (because Aphrodite's father is actually Uranus but for the sake of the story, let's pretend that Zeus "adopted" Aphrodite) who was begging him to allow Calypso to be released from her prison. As much as he had wanted the conversation to end, it wasn't like he could let a helper of the titans free from her prison. At least, without paying a dear price.

Zeus got tired of his daughter's ranting so he made a deal. There were only a few conditions to leaving Ogygia.  
>If the traitor goddess really wanted to meet up with her prince in shining armour, not only did she have to have the motivated desperation to leave the island, but she also had to give up the thing that was the most important to every single deity out there… Immortality and the almost limitless powers of a god.<p>

* * *

><p>While Zeus was thinking about how terrible it was that Calypso would have to give up on her powers and immortality, Aphrodite was thinking about how wonderful this made everything. If Calypso lost her immortality, it kind of evened out the age gap so that Calypso wouldn't still look sixteen when Leo was all wrinkly, old and sun-dried.<p>

She clasped her hands together and started daydreaming/fangirling/whatever-you-call-it.  
>Next stop: Caleo babies.<p>

**A while later…**

She had it all figured out. They have three children: 2 daughters and a son. (I basically made up stats, descriptions, etc. for them. You can skip them if you want but I might use them in the sequel… or the sequel to the sequel).

**Rosy: **  
>She is 13 years old and is the eldest of the three. Although she is mildly mature, she still loves reading fairy tales and is talented at making childish puns while she hates slow Wi-Fi. Rosy had dark brown hair and caramel coloured eyes.<br>She has inherited her father's sense of humour and her mother's ability to communicate with animals. Rosy prefers to fight with her wits but is also very skilled at wielding spears. Her siblings and close friends call her Ro-Ro.

**Danni:  
><strong>Danni is 9 years old and is considered the most logical of her siblings. She looks just like her mother (blonde hair and caramel eyes) and looks absolutely nothing like her father. Danni likes to be realistic and often insults her brother and sister by using words that are so long and incomprehensible that no one ever realises that she is secretly cussing. Her favourite foods are chocolate covered coffee beans and just coffee in general but she can't stand potato salad.  
>Danni uses weapons like daggers and swords to fight. She is good at making weapons in the forge with her father yet somehow manages to keep her adorably good looks. Her official title is 'Dan the Flying Man'.<p>

**Joe: **  
>Joe is the youngest and he is only seven. He has just recently learned how to go to the toilet by himself but still needs a lot of help with monster fighting and putting his clothes on. He has curly brown hair and a brown eye and a blue one (No one knows why). He has a childish sense of wonderment like the rest of the children at his age and is easily excited.<br>Although he is only seven, his parents and elders can see the great potential he has. Not only does he have his father's strongest skill (FIRE!) but also his mother's (Healing and control over animal pheromones).

"They're so perfect," Aphrodite said to herself as she wiped a tear from her eyes. "I wish I could make them real… Oh wait… I can…"

**I'm sorry it's so short and I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in forever but I'm seriously trying! I have this Mandarin assignment due, an English poem, Math statistical work, a Music thingy-ma-jig and another load of stuff I don't even want to think about. So hope you enjoyed this, and review/fave/follow!**

**Bye~**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	23. Boys Night In

**Hey guys! Thanks for reading my fanfic and getting my 10,000+ views!**

**I've got a long (compared to my other chapters) chapter for you today to celebrate.  
>So have fun reading and I hope you enjoy it~<strong>

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Boys Night In

Although Aphrodite couldn't make three children appear out of thin air (she had the power, but it would be too much interaction with the mortal world…), she could ensure that the three souls would one day exist (hopefully in the very near future). Aphrodite hesitated. They was something wrong… 'What's missing?' the goddess thought to herself.

"BINGO!" she yelled, loud enough for the whole of Olympus to hear.

'I got it, I got it!' she celebrated in her head.

Aphrodite looked at the drawing of the future family. A smiling mother with beautiful hair, a slightly stunted father who was laughing to himself about a private joke, a little girl wielding a sword at her father, an older daughter wearing a potato onesie and a boy surrounded by small forest animals were all displayed in the drawing. With a snap of her fingers, Aphrodite made a playful robot puppy appear on the page.

She sniffed and wiped a wet substance from her eyes.  
>"My creation…" she said triumphantly, "IT'S SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!"<p>

* * *

><p>Leo giggled girlishly. He giggled again. The particularly hyperactive demigod stuffed yet another chocolate bar in his mouth and gargled down a large mouthful of red Kool-Aid.<p>

"Women…" a low voice moaned.

"Women!" Leo replied excitedly.

Frank and Leo were two very different 'men'. Despite the fact that chocolate and cordial made Leo excitable (an understatement, of course), lactose-free chocolate and cordial made Frank feel ten years older.

In fact, it made him act like a twenty-five-year-old under the influence of alcohol.  
>The two boys were having a wonderful sugary feast and deciding to confide in each other regarding their problems with girls.<p>

"Tell me about it…" Frank drawled.

"Yeah!" Leo yelled, bouncing in his seat. "I'll tell you about it!" He stopped to think (despite his sugar rush). "Wait… What do I tell you about?"

Frank lifted his head from his "shot" of Kool-Aid.  
>"Women… Duh…"<p>

"Oh… Okay!" he squealed. "Uh… I'm too hyper to think about what to talk about! Why don't you tell me about it?!"

"Well… One minute she takes care of my firewood and kisses me, and the next she goes off with this other guy whose great-grandfather she dated and then has a blackout with him…"

"Dude!" he squealed again. "That dude sounds like a jerk! Wanna plot to vanquish him once and for all together?! That jerk-ish dude basically stole your girl! We have to destroy him!"  
>All of this sounded strange in a high-pitched squeal.<p>

"Man… I really don't think that we should be plotting this kind of stuff when we're drunk…" Frank explained.

Leo pouted.  
>"But the best time to plot world domination is when you're drunk!" he whined.<p>

"Fine. But we'll need more fuel if we really want to destroy El Jerk-face. Waiter!" Frank called as he raised a hand to signal a waiter.

Coach Hedge came to a stop at the table and threw a white towel over his shoulder.  
>"What can I get you two boys?" he asked elegantly. Of course, Coach Hedge was under the influence of chocolate and Kool-Aid too.<p>

Frank gave the makeshift menu a glance.  
>"Nine and a half XXL chocolate liquor bars (You know? Chocolate with alcohol inside?), hold the liquor and a purple Kool-Aid cocktail top-up, hold the blue, and the cocktail."<p>

Coach Hedge was madly jotting the order down. "So basically, you want nine and a half bars of chocolate and a top-up of red Kool-Aid?"

"Yep."

"I'm sorry, sir…" Coach said apologetically, "We don't have any more half bars of chocolate left. Can I interest you in three-sevenths of a bar instead?"

"Whatever floats your underwater car."

"And, you?" the satyr asked turning to Leo.

"What he said! We need to destroy El Jerk-Face!"

"Very well, I'll be back with your order right away…" he said as he walked away to the ship's drinks counter.

At that moment, Jason and Nico (who both happened to be hungry and hunting for a snack) walked into the dining hall.

"What's this?" Jason asked suspiciously. Leo was madly bouncing in his seat and shoving brown contents into his mouth while Frank was lounging about slowly sipping a red liquid from a wine glass.

"…" Nico said.

"What?" Jason asked the only other sane boy on the ship.

"…" Nico replied.

"Forget it."

"Are you here to help use defeat El Jerk-face?!" Leo asked.

"Uh… No? We'll be going now…" Jason whipped his hand out to clasp onto Nico's wrist before slowly backing out of the dining hall.

"I'M BACK~" Coach called. In his arms were a jumbo family-size pack of assorted chocolate bars and a very large 24.5L tub of red Kool-Aid. He noticed that Jason and Nico were slowly backing away from the commotion. "Where are you two going? The fun is just beginning!"

Caught red handed, they shuffled to the table and sat down on the benches.

Coach Hedge pulled out two more plastic wine glasses and placed them on the table in front of Nico and Jason.

The two boys looked at each other and gulped.

* * *

><p>**Flashback**<p>

Aphrodite was cradling her newborn immortal child in her arms.

"You're such a cute little baby! Aren't you?! Oh yes you are, oh yes you are~"

The baby gurgled in appreciation.

"You're going to be beautiful like me when you grow up, won't you? Yes you will, oh yes you will~" Aphrodite cooed. "In fact, you're so beautiful, I'm going to give you a name that will remind you of exactly how beautiful you are. I DUB THEE, APHRODITUS!"

"That's a ridiculous name!" the father complained. "If a name honouring the parents is to be given, the child might as well be name Hermes." (Yes Hermes and Aphrodite did have a kid together. EW, I know right?)

"Hermes, that's a terrible name! You can't name a girl Hermes!" Aphrodite complained.

"Well you can't name a boy Aphroditus!" Hermes quipped. (The child was of both genders… Even more EW, right?)

Hera had heard the entire fight and stepped in to create a compromise. She didn't want her perfect little family to be arguing over petty disagreements!  
>"Stop it! Just call the child Hermaphroditus (That really was the kid's name. Poor kid…) or something!"<p>

"Hermaphrodites… Both elegant and girly… I like it…" Aphrodite mused.

"Hmm… Both sophisticated and catchy… I like it even more!"

And that was the beginning of the history of ship names (I'm serious here!).

**End Flashback**

'I used to be so beautiful,' Aphrodite thought, 'And I still am now…'

"That's it, I'm calling the dog Caleo!"

**Last days on holidays… Urgh…**

**And that's the end of the chapter. I wanted to make it funny for you guys. Please review, fave or follow because all of those things are like energy boosters for me to write faster! :)**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	24. Party Ponies, South Kingston Division

**Hi, I'm sitting in Science right now and I'm really bored so I decided that I might as well update. Hope you like it!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Party Ponies, South Kingston Division

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead and pondered on the matter at hand. If she didn't have her goddess-ly powers, then all bets were off. She wouldn't be able to find Camp Half-Blood, Mount Olympus or the Argo II.

'If I can't find my way back… Will anyone find me here?' Calypso thought. The only thing she could do was sit on the beach and look out at the waves. Crashing in, going out… Crashing in, going out…

The only thing she could see was a cruise ship floating out on the ocean with an equestrian rider jumping off the railings.

'Aren't horses banned on cruise ships? It's dangerous… And a man jumped into the water… He's dead for sure.'

A head broke through the surface of the waves and something that Calypso couldn't make out. Was that a hand gesture? Thumbs up?! No ordinary mortal would've survived that fall…

There was a large amount of movement aboard and a small platform was lowered down to sea level for the fallen to get back on. Calypso squinted at the horizon and managed to see that the man was in fact attached to his horse. It wasn't a drunken passenger on a startled horse… It was a centaur!

Calypso's eyes widened in fear. An entire cruise ship… It was probably packed with monsters… And without her powers, she would probably be defeated in a heartbeat. Her life was good as over.

* * *

><p>Leo was depressed as an after-effect of his hyperactivity. Frank was suffering in a terrible hangover. Jason was asleep while covered in dark facial hair, and Nico was triumphantly brandishing a Sharpie.<p>

Leo grunted, "Women…"

Frank nodded.  
>"Women…"<p>

The overdoses of sugar and more sugar had finally taken their tolls.

"One minute you hate each other and all is fine with the world. You know, she throws a spanner at you and you destroy her beach… And the next, we're in love and it's too complicated to even talk to her about it. You get me?"

"Yeah…" Frank agreed, "I feel the pain too, bro."

Nico interrupted the conversation and added his own contribution to it. (You don't have to read it if you don't want to but it's funny)  
>"I like baby unicorns… Do you like baby unicorns?! Because I was like, I LOVE baby unicorns and he was like, *Gasp*, I love baby unicorns too and I was like, NO and he was like YEAH and I was like NO and he was like HELL YEAH. Wait, what kind of baby unicorns do you like? I like the purple, and one-eyed, and one-horned unicorns because they like to eat people. Ooh… DO you like the blue ones? I like the blues ones, but not as much as the purple ones. OMG! Do you know what unicorns eat?! I know, and she was like NO and I was like, YES, and he was like NO and I was like YES and then they were like, NO! And then-"<p>

Leo and Frank learned to tune Nico out but every now and then they could hear snippets of his voice.

"If it's any consolation, my love life's not any better…" Frank confessed.

"Maybe it was okay, but then the tacos barged in and they were like-"

"Have you ever noticed how they never tell you straight up? Wouldn't it be so much better if girls were all straightforward?" Leo asked.

"Then Mars exploded because he felt like it-"

"But it wouldn't be fun without all the girly drama and the games," Frank pointed out.

"True, true."

"And have you also noticed how Aphrodite always pokes her head into our social lives and messes things up to make it more interesting?"

"And don't even get me started about the llamas because they're all like-"

"Yes! And have you ever noticed how she gives the girls more romantic advice then she does for the guys?!"

"Yeah... She's so biased."

"And so they were like, NO and I was like, YES and they were like NO and I was-"

"You feel like giving Death Breath sleeping pills yet?"

"Let's."

* * *

><p>There was no way they were going to notice her. It seemed as if the ship was anchored down at a single point just so the centaurs on board could jump off and get lifted back up.<p>

Waving wasn't going to help and neither was gathering wood to supply a nice noticeable fire. It was as if the centaurs were only focussed on being complete lunatics.

'I've only got one chance left… I guess I'll just have to swim.'

Calypso stepped into the water and squealed at the freezing temperature. It took her two minutes to get used to the cold before she actually started swimming. And that's when she realised how terrible of an idea this was. She really needed to have better ultimate plan-formulation skills…

The fabric of her wet dress stuck to her body and made Calypso's body feel as if she weighed 260 pounds. The cruise ship was still around 150 metres out to sea and far, far away.

Calypso was lying on her back and was lightly paddling her legs and hitting the water with her hands methodically. It took her a while but that was okay, because it gave Calypso plenty of time to reflect on her life.

'I am one of many. I am one of 6.9 billion (probably 8 million if you included the immortal family tree). My life does not matter, for when I die the world will continue to live on as it usually does. No one cares, not even my father (Atlas) cares about me… I should just die…" (I don't know how normal people reflect on their lives but this is my reflection every time before I sleep)

By the time Calypso was done reflecting and being depressed, she had reached the platform and sat on it hoping that she would be pulled back up. The centaur that had jumped into the water pulled his way onto the platform with Calypso on it.

"Hey bro…" he slurred.

"H-h-hi," Calypso stuttered confidently (note sarcasm).

When she was pulled on board, a paintball-covered centaur clopped over to her.  
>"You look like my mum…" the centaur complimented shyly. "She had this really nice tail," he added.<p>

"Uh… thanks?" Calypso trailed.

Calypso's unexpected arrival attracted a lot of commotion and soon an official heard of it.

"So, Calypso, is it?" the official-looking centaur asked.

"How did you know?" she frowned.

"Word of your escape has gotten out in the mythological world. Do you know how the legend of Ogygia goes?" he asked.

"No… I was shipped off to Ogygia to be bothered about some legend," Calypso retorted.

"Well, the legend's all about you…" he started. "Apparently the girl trapped on the island can only leave if she has found her true love and even then, she must also give up her immortality and godly powers."

Calypso blanked.

"Well... In the meantime, I'll allow you to stay here with us. Welcome to the Party Ponies, South Kingston Division."

**So, how's that? Feel free to review, fave or follow because for me, that is the virtual equivalent of nectar and ambrosia. And constructive criticism is encouraged!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**sed, she had reached the platform e I sleep)lised that she was the theif


	25. Twin Hearts Beat as One

**Hey everyone!**

**I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO SAY!  
>I'm announcing the release of a new story which will have a first chapter put up by the 18<strong>**th**** of August (partially because I'm suffering from a major case of Writer's Block and partially because it's PERCY'S BIRTHDAY!). It's going to be called The Vow of Eternal Maidenhood and as you can see from the title, it's about the life of Artemis and why she dedicated her life to The Hunt.  
>You'll see the rest later! :)<strong>

**Thanks for reading this!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Twin Hearts Beat as One

Calypso sat down on the wooden chair and straightened her dress. She didn't understand why a cruise ship filled with centaurs would have in their possession an ordinary chair.

She had negotiated with the captain of the South Kingston Division. The Party Ponies ship would wash up on Miami, because for some reason, everything strange turns up in Miami. When she got to Miami, the Party Ponies would provide her with enough mortal cash to get her a plane to Long Island Sound (as long as that was okay with Zeus) and a cab from there to the strawberry fields of Camp Half-Blood.

Although Calypso no longer had immortality or godly powers, she could still command the respect of a ship of centaurs. It was really nice for them to help out.

The trip to Miami from South Kingston on a magical boat that teleports (but only when the boat feels like it) would take a couple of hours at most. Calypso looked around at the centaurs happily jumping off the ship, paintballing each other and struggling to fit entire hooves in their mouths.

Calypso knew that the next couple of hours would be the longest couple of hours that she would ever live.

* * *

><p>Leo unravelled the long trail of bandages from his hand. After a few days of rest and nibbles of ambrosia, the hand felt much better from getting jarred in the gears of the engine room. It was unbelievable that a wound that pathetic would take so long to heal.<br>Personally, Leo was very ashamed of himself and his incredibly slow healing abilities.

He had considered turning the TV back on because the rest of the crew had deemed him worthy of doing so. They decided that he was committed enough to the Argo II to be trusted with his "girlfriend" but Leo wasn't sure if Calypso really wanted to see him again. After all, he did leave without a word, supposedly ignore her for days and even get slightly drunk!

'She'd be ferocious!' Leo thought. 'Not to mention the fact that she'd probably hate me…' he added.

"Like that's gonna stop me," he called out to no one in particular, "COME AT ME BRO!" he yelled.  
>It did not seem that Leo had taken his ADHD medication that morning…<p>

Leo walked in the general direction of his captain's room and scrutinised his cuticles. It was horrible what working in the forge did to one's cuticles… Maybe he needed to go to the spa… In fact, Leo was so desperate to get his nails done, that he was even willing to go to Circe's.

'I must be really desperate,' he thought, 'And cuticle-ly challenged…'

He arrived at the door of his awesome room and sat on his bed, a foot away from the TV. He reached over to press the power button only to find a message on the screen. It was in Greek so it only took a short while for the letters to float around and start making sense.

_Hey Leo,_

_Seeing as this is you we're talking about, it has most likely taken you forever to find this. You sure are an idiot. Ignore me like that once again and I will murder you (that is after punching you, of course…). I have no idea where you are and by the time you read this, I will either be making my way off Ogygia or busy making beef stew. I'll see you in a while… I think._

_Calypso_

_P.S. – Percy the cat says hi._

"Huh…" Leo said. "Huh…"

He wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or to cry even harder. On one hand, Leo was glad that she was making her own way out of her prison, while on the other he was slightly devastated that she didn't in the very least confide in him. For heaven's sake, he was her boyfriend! She should've said something to him!  
>'But then again, I did kinda cut off all communication with her, so…' he thought. 'Good point…'<p>

When all things were put into perspective, it really was all Leo fault. He felt a stab of guilt in his stomach.  
>'That's weird,' he thought. 'I thought the pain would more likely be in my heart…'<p>

He raised his hand and felt his body. From the left part of his chest he felt a quiet and steady heartbeat. _Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. _He moved his hand a bit lower to the bottom of his ribcage where his heartbeat was even stronger. When he put it on his stomach, it was even stronger.  
>'Was this always the case for a demigod?' he thought. 'Did demigods have their heart inside their stomach? Oh… or maybe demigods have two hearts?'<p>

Leo continued with his strange fantasy. 'What if demigods can only be killed with a stab to both their chest and their stomach? Did that mean that demigods were practically invincible if only their first heart was stabbed?'

His mind wandered back to Calypso. He wished her luck in getting off Ogygia and wished that he could be there with her. Every step of the way…

'Where are you Calypso?'

* * *

><p>Calypso looked out to the horizon. The air around the ship was wavering and warping. Colours started swirling around and the edges were all merging.<p>

"It's finally happening…" she said. "I'm going to see Leo again."

**Did you like it? Sorry I haven't updated much lately. The only reason I could write today was because my mum took me out of school (because I had a fever). So here's the usual: review, fave and follow! :)**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	26. Leo Gets Kicked Off His Bed

**Hey guys~**

**Sorry for the long wait but I was busy writing the first chapter of my newest fanfic! :D**

**Hope you like this chapter!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Leo Gets Kicked Off His Bed

Leo rubbed his eye and blinked, taking in the surroundings. For some reason, Leo was lying on the floor next to his bed. He sat up and the first thing he saw… was Coach Hedge. The events of the night before flooded into his mind.

**Flashback**

Coach Hedge barged into the captain's room with an armful of drachmas and a large glass prism.  
>The lighting in my room is really bad and I can't get any moonlight in… So I can't get a rainbow… And Chuck Norris said to always eat your broccoli… And…" he said with a slightly hyperventilated voice and then composed himself. "Can you turn the ship around so the moonlight can get into my window?"<p>

Leo rolled his eyes.  
>"You want me to turn this entire ship around, lose to Gaia and have an apocalypse because you want to talk to your wife?!"<p>

Coach whined and scrunched his face up as if he was about to cry.

Leo rolled his eyes again.  
>"Fine, but I'm still not going to turn the ship around for you. How about you move to a different room where there's moonlight?" he suggested.<p>

Coach briefly considered it and then jumped straight into Leo's room and started up a call.

Leo complained but Coach Hedge was already engrossed in the call.

**A hundred or so drachmas later**

Leo sat on his bed and waited for Coach Hedge to finish his Iris Message while the satyr sat on the other end rambling so fast that Leo couldn't even make out any sense. Occasionally he did catch snippets of the conversation though.

"Love… Mellie… Penguins carrying umbrellas… Gaia… Must kill… Chuck Norris…" You know, the usual stuff.

Leo questioned Coach's conversational skills and waited for the agonisingly long call to end. Leo had been waiting for what seemed like hours. He wanted to go to sleep but he didn't trust the barbaric satyr to be alone in his room.

"You done yet?" Leo asked, tapping Coach Hedge on the shoulder.

"Hey Leo!" Mellie said, waving from the other side of the rainbow.

"Hi Mellie…" Leo greeted while Coach Hedge nudged the sleepy demigod out of the way.

Mellie's smiling face disappeared and rainbow static appeared.

"To continue the call, insert another drachma into the rainbow," Iris' pre-recorded voice chorused sweetly.

Coach Hedge glared at Leo,  
>"See?! You wasted like, three seconds worth of connection! Do you know how much three seconds of Iris Messaging costs? Neither do I! Whatever, just go away!" Coach complained.<p>

Leo shuffled back to the other side of the bed and climbed under his blankets.

**End Flashback**

At some point, Coach Hedge must've unknowingly knocked Leo off the bed. Leo looked back up at the snoring satyr. Out of the armful of drachmas that Coach had come in with, there were only two half-eaten ones.

'This gives a new meaning to hefty midnight snacks,' Leo joked with himself. 'That was a really good one,' Leo told himself before storing the pun into his bottomless pit of sarcasm and jokes.

Leo left the sleeping satyr alone (because of the well-known proverb, 'Let sleeping dogs/satyrs/doglike-satyrs' lie).

He made his way to the dining hall hoping that there wasn't an awkward breakfast moment. He waited outside the dining hall ninja-style for a few seconds to listen for signs of awkwardness before walking in.

Piper and Jason seemed to be debating the pros and cons of demigods using technology. Apparently, Roman demigods didn't have the same experience or knowledge of using technology. Frank was trying to hold Hazel's hand while Hazel was daintily nibbling on a cracker slathered with margarine. Nico was sitting in a corner devising plans to get to the Doors of Death as soon as possible.  
>Personally, Leo thought that Nico was the only morning person out there.<p>

Leo walked over to the stack of plates and took one from the top. Then, he noticed a small strand of brown hair stuck on it so Leo took the one underneath it instead.

Leo sat down at one of the many benches and wished for waffles. And not just any waffles, but Belgian waffles. And not just plain Belgian waffles but also with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and berries, smothered with hot chocolate fudge and mini-marshmallows.

Leo's stomach grumbled and urged him to stuff the calorie-filled meal into his mouth. He shovelled waffle after waffle into his mouth and kept on wishing for more when the plate became empty.

Jason left Piper after admitting his defeat in the debate. He plopped his plate across from Nico and sat down. To Leo, it seemed that Jason was reassuring the depressed child of Hades who was eating a blue tuna sandwich.  
>It was strange enough that Nico was eating a blue sandwich (as that was Percy's kind of thing), but tuna too?! It was obvious that Nico was seriously missing the de facto captain of the Argo II.<br>Leo noted that Jason had a grilled fish fillet, a slice of bread dipped in wine, a sector of a cheese wheel, purple grapes and a side of olives. He realised that Jason was eating the modern equivalent of a perfect Roman breakfast and then narrowed his eyes.  
>Despite being known as a traitor to his fellow campers at Camp Jupiter, Jason still continued with his old habits. It was mildly discomforting.<p>

* * *

><p>Calypso disembarked from the ship and stepped back onto solid ground. Miami was nothing like Calypso had imagined. She looked around and saw people everywhere. The buildings were the height of a thousand statues and machinery from up above soared through the air.<p>

From the ground, the machinery looked like birds. In particular, they looked like the birds that flew around Ogygia. Personally, the shape of the machines made her feel a little nostalgic.

"Here's 300 US Dollars for the plane trip from Miami to New York," the official centaur said (whose name Calypso had learned was Steve), while handing over a wad of 20 dollar notes. "And here's 70 Dollars for a cab from the airport to the camp," he said handing over a few more notes. "And here's 50 dollars in coins of assorted value," he continued, giving her a really heavy bag that made Calypso's hand drop down like an electrified fly. "You know, in case you want to play an arcade game or get something from a candy vendor…" he added quietly.

Last of all, Calypso was given a small, blue backpack. She opened it and found a tightly woven calico bag filled with 20 drachmas, a canteen of nectar and a fake passport.  
>"If all else fails, then just scrape off the inscriptions and give it to some guy in a Cash-To-Gold shop and exchange it for a few hundred dollars," the centaur told the girl.<p>

Calypso wrinkled her nose. What was the point of giving her so much mortal cash if she could simply exchange it for so much money? Calypso thanked Steve anyway and gave him a grateful hug before walking off to the airport.

"You might want to turn left!" Steve called from behind her.

Calypso flushed red at her mistake and then turned as Steve asked.

"Your other left!"

Calypso tucked a loose strand behind her ear and became even more flustered.  
>"I knew that!"<p>

**I'll try to get another chapter up before Percy's birthday but I'm not sure if I'm up to it… I'll seriously try though!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Don't hold back on the criticism, because I'm pretty sure I can take it.**


	27. Traditional Customs of American Airports

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY PERCY~**

**I'm so glad I made the deadline! :D**

**Please read my new story 'The Vow of Eternal Maidenhood' whenever you have the time, because it is up now! (Artemis+Orion 3)**

**I was going to make blue cupcakes and blue cookies with my friends today to celebrate… And I made those plans three months in advance… And I even ran it by my mum… And then on Saturday, two days before the event, my dad snapped because he was frustrated with my brother. And now I'm not allowed to invite Danni, Teresa and Katherine over to my house to make delicious, blue baked goods… :'(**

**BTW, please read The Misadventures of a Bald Emo by autumnflame!**

**Sorry for telling you about my ruined plans, here's the chapter anyway.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot: **_Traditional Customs of American Airports

Calypso nervously tapped the plastic armrest of the economy-class seat. She had already safely been on the plane for a couple of hours and so there was only half an hour left until she could completely let her guard down.

Calypso thought about her horrible experience going through customs. It was like getting your liver ripped out by vultures while chained to a cliff and being fully submerged in the River Cocytus at the same time.

When Calypso was asked to hand over her baggage to be weighed, she told the worker that emotional burdens although were heavy could not be calculated. It was after much explanation that she understood what kind of baggage the airport worker was talking about. And reluctantly, she took off her backpack.

Apparently liquids that weren't water were considered foreign products and therefore weren't allowed unless she drank a mouthful of it. Calypso was risking her life during customs because she actually wasn't sure if she would burn up from the nectar after having her immortality drained from her. Thankfully, no one that day turned into a pile of ash in the middle of the airport.

And 50 US Dollars in coins of assorted values that had a net weight of at least 8 pounds was unacceptable because that weight could prove fatal if the plane was turbulent. Personally, if the plane was going to get blasted out of the sky by Zeus, Calypso believed that an 8 pound bag filled with a few metal coins was the least of their worries.

The drachmas that Calypso had been given by Steve were thought to be toys or fake currency until it went under the X-Ray machine. It was then when it was revealed that the coins were made of solid gold so Calypso was under interrogative questioning for one and a half hours. She was finally allowed to leave when it was the security guard's lunch break.

Calypso then witnessed another passenger spot check and she was horrified by the barbaric means of America. The girl ran over to the officer (who she believed to be some kind of a robber or a molester) and told him to back off and pick on people their own size. This didn't result well and Calypso was then also put under a not-so-random spot check where she was felt all over. Calypso tried to hold back her whimpers but when the man had gotten to her waist, he unintentionally zapped her causing her to double over in giggles. Words made out during her outbreak included,  
>"NO… PLEASE STO… NO! IT TICKLES!"<br>The airport officials deduced that Calypso had illegal substances hidden somewhere near her waist.

After all that Airport Drama, Calypso was surprised that she still got onto a flight to New York City despite the fact that the plane she was supposed to catch had already left four hours ago.

'Still,' she thought, 'It's better to catch the last plane of the day compared to having to book a hotel to spend the night and then catch a plane to New York the next morning.'

* * *

><p>Calypso stepped out of the airport and frowned. It was so much easier going through customs when you've just gotten off a plane as opposed to getting on one. She looked around and realised it was dark. Maybe she had to book a hotel room after all…<p>

'Darn it! If only I booked an overnight flight!' Calypso told herself. 'At least overnight flight people get dinner and a sleeping period!'

Calypso up her head and saw the neon lights advertising different hotels. Hotel of Endless Sunlight! 'That's not going to help at night when I want to sleep,' she thought. Four Seasons Hotel! 'Too bad only one season can occur at a time.' Tulip Hotel! 'Shame, I prefer moonlaces over tulips…' Eventually, Calypso found a hotel name that caught her attention. 'The Atlas Hotel…' she mused 'It'd be nice to pay my respects to my father…' And so Calypso decided to check into The Atlas Hotel.

* * *

><p>There she was asked for a passport to ensure that she wasn't just a criminal on the run. Calypso handed over the fake passport that had been given to her by Steve (This did happen, check the last chapter if you don't believe me. It was in the backpack). After giving the receptionist her fake details, she was given a key card to room 702.<p>

Calypso walked up 14 flights of stairs and was huffing and puffing by the time she reached her level. A man in his early thirties frowned at her,  
>"What's wrong with you?!" he asked sceptically.<p>

Calypso twitched her left eye in pure rage. 'What's wrong with you?!' Calypso screamed at the man with her head.  
>"You know I just ran up 14 flights of stairs, right?"<p>

The man rolled his eyes.  
>"You know you can skip the 14 flights of stairs and just take the elevator, right?" he said in a know-it-all voice while gesturing towards a metal door.<p>

Calypso shrugged it off and headed towards a room with 702 inscribed on it. She swiped the card through the slit. The door recognised the card and opened with a click.

The goddess stepped in, kicked off her white flats and wriggled her toes in the carpet. She took her bag off of her shoulders and placed it on the side of the hallway. There was a wooden cabinet to put all her non-existent clothes in. On top of it was a woven basket with a ceramic mug, a box of teabags, coffee sachets, sugar and creamer.

The bathroom was on the left and it had a distinct black and white colour theme. There was a toilet, a shower and a sink with drawers underneath. Calypso opened each drawer in excitement and found complimentary towels, cups, toothbrushes, toothpaste, shower caps, shampoo, conditioner and a sewing kit (don't ask me why, but I found this in a hotel I went to).

Calypso took off her almost weightless dress and her leather headband. She slid down the elastic hair-tie from its loose fishtail braid and took off her undergarments. Calypso grabbed the small bottles of shampoo and conditioner before hopping into the shower.

Calypso had never taken a modern shower before but it was surprisingly comfortable after getting accustomed to its temperature. She didn't really understand the mechanics of a shower and had scalded her skin right after freezing herself.

She put all of her clothes back on and brewed herself a mug of sweetened milk tea. It didn't get rid of her hunger but it calmed her down. Calypso plopped under the covers of the soft, white bed. When she finished the tea, she gingerly placed it on the bedside table next to her and lowered her entire torso under the doona. She positioned her head onto the soft pillow and thought to herself, 'I'll pay my respects to Father in the morning before getting a cab to Camp Half-Blood.'

* * *

><p>Leo looked up from his mini-engineering project. For some reason, he had a sudden craving for sweetened milk tea.<p>

**YAY~ Well, there's the chapter hope you liked it. Please review, fave and follow to show your appreciation because they encourage me to write faster.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	28. The Story of Tethys

**~~PAY ATTENTION IF YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN THE CHAPTER~~**

**Hey everyone! I don't know if you've noticed, but every 10 chapter I have a contest. The last two contests were 'Randomest Word', and this time I'm going to do something different. I'll wait a while before updating (maybe a week) and you guys can send in random/not-so-random questions to answer and I swear on the River Styx that I'll answer you guys honestly. It's not really a contest but I'll just answer any question. Just no personal details like address, phone number, full name or passwords, okay? So what are you waiting for? I'll post the answers to every question in Chapter 30.**

**I've also made a few adjustments to the story because for once, I actually read the whole thing. I encourage you to read it again if you want to get it. Sorry if this causes any inconvenience! .**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot: **_The Story of Tethys

*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP*

Calypso got up from her comfortable position on the hotel bed and squinted her eyes. What was that?

She deduced that the annoying sound was coming from a white device next to the bed. Calypso poked it cautiously and waited to see if it would attack. After four more agonisingly annoying rings, she picked it up and brought it to her nose. 'Am I supposed to sniff it?' she thought.

She sniffed it. It didn't smell that bad… Then a voice came out of it.  
>"This is your 7 am wake up call. Repeat, this is your 7 am wake up call," the automated voice beeped. She dropped the device and it slightly bounced on the carpet before rolling to a stop.<p>

Calypso reached down to pick it up and placed it back into its holder. She got off the comfy bed and decided to look for a map of the hotel. She'd need a map if she was to find a temple to pay respects to her father.

* * *

><p>Calypso found a Hotel Directory right next to the metal doors that the annoying man called an elevator.<p>

Level 1: French Patisserie, Lobby, Receptionist  
>Level 2: Gymnasium, Ice Skating Rink, Swimming Pool<br>Level 3: Souvenir Store, Laundry Service, Pets Kennel

Calypso's finger stopped at, 'Pets Kennel'. It made her miss Percy the Cat. She felt even more regret for leaving her behind.

Level 4: General Information Counter  
>Level 5-31: Guest Rooms<br>Level 32-35: VIP Suites  
>Level 36: Penthouse Suite<p>

Calypso looked through the list again. Where was the temple? It was The Atlas Hotel after all… Named after a Greek Titan yet it did not have a temple or a shrine of some sort?!

Calypso pressed the button next to Elevator 2 and after waiting for a few moments, it opened to reveal a couple making out in the enclosed room. They didn't seem to notice that she was there and Calypso didn't want to interrupt them so she backed away and chose to run down the stairs instead.

Lesson of the day: Running down 14 flights of stairs is a lot faster and less tiring than running up the same amount of stairs. It also helped if you were running away from major cases of PDA.

Calypso ran to the front desk despite the cleaner who yelled at her and told her that running in the lobby was forbidden.

She rushed in the general direction of the counter and grabbed the shiny surface of the marble desk to stop herself.

"Where's the temple?!" she asked, panting like dog.

The elegant receptionist pushed up her glasses with one forefinger.  
>"I'm afraid that if you're not planning on booking a room, I'll have to ask you to leave." The woman motioned for two formally dressed security guards to come closer.<p>

Calypso probably looked like a madwoman at the time and she whipped out her key card out of her breast pocket.  
>"But I have booked a room here!" she said exasperated.<p>

The tone of the woman instantly changed.  
>"Well, in that case, please take the elevator to Level 4 and ask the General Questions Counter."<p>

Calypso narrowed her eyes at the lady and refused to thank her before storming to the elevators. Because there were four different elevators, all one had to do to avoid PDA was to avoid Elevator Number 2.  
>This time, Calypso picked Elevator Number 3. When the doors opened, Calypso spotted a 18-ish year old boy with dirty blonde hair. She stepped in and was about to press the number 4 but she was stopped by him.<p>

"May I?" he asked, pressing the button causing it to glow blue.

Calypso started twitching one of her eyes and remembered something that her mother had told her.

It was one of the only things that she remembered her mother Tethys had told her before the Titaness had done the unthinkable. During the Titan War, her mother was sentenced to Tartarus. While Atlas had tried to keep the fact that Calypso was part of the Titan War a secret, Tethys had sold out her own daughter to avoid the sentence.

Calypso was filled with hatred, as she remembered how her mother had bargained with the gods. Calypso was banished and sent to Ogygia all because of the selfishness of her mother. In the end, the gods betrayed the Titaness and sentenced her to Tartarus as well. If it wasn't for the greed of the Olympian gods, Calypso would still be on the island and her damn mother would still be on the loose.

Calypso thought about how her mother always said,  
>"If a boy that you just met is too nice to you, he's probably a monster in disguise… or he's a no good playboy who only wants to steal your h… hair tie."<p>

The second part of the saying probably wasn't very accurate because Calypso had been four at the time. The goddess assumed that her mother was trying to censor her life at a young age and avoided talking about boys in general.

Calypso glared at boy who was now smiling at her. At Level 4, Calypso couldn't wait to burst out the doors… And so she did but the obnoxious boy followed.

She walked over to the desk with two ladies and a man sitting behind it.  
>"Uh… Does this hotel have a temple or a shrine of some sort?" Calypso asked practically.<p>

All three of the hotel workers simultaneously wrinkled up their immaculate makeup-caked faces (even the guy wore makeup!).  
>"We have a sauna on Level 2… If that helps…" one of them said slowly.<p>

"And a Muslim club every Wednesday…" another mentioned.

Calypso rolled her eyes and snorted before backing away into the elevator. The boy followed her back into the elevator.

"Is there something wrong with you?!" Calypso screamed at him.

**YAY! I'm so glad that I managed to finish this chapter! I hope you guys read the top A/N about the Questions "Contest"! I look forward to your entries ;)**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S LEO!**


	29. The Slayer of Titans

**~~PAY ATTENTION IF YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN THE CHAPTER~~**

**Hey everyone! I don't know if you've noticed, but every 10 chapters I have a contest. The last two contests were 'Randomest Word', and this time I'm going to do something different. I'll wait a while before updating (maybe a week) and you guys can send in random/not-so-random questions to answer and I swear on the River Styx that I'll answer you guys honestly. It's not really a contest but I'll just answer any question. Just no personal details like address, phone number, full name or passwords, okay? So what are you waiting for? I'll post the answers to every question in Chapter 30. Sorry… I wrote this again because I don't think many of you saw this last time.**

**From ****Calypso223****: ****Who is the boy?  
><strong>**From wisegirl416: ****Who is that boy?!  
>From MiniSatyr101: Do you like bacon?<br>From catrawesome: What is your favourite colour and why? Who is your favourite of the seven? (Not counting Nico, Reyna, etc.)**  
><strong>From Avidya Karma: WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END<strong>

**Well, all with be revealed (in the next chapter)! Although… If you read this chapter, you'll get the answer to your questions because I'm revealing his identity now.**

**=_= That means that I no longer have any legitimate entries… :'( Please enter because writing fanfics for you guys seriously means a lot to me!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Slayer of Titans

"Is there something wrong with you?!" Calypso screamed at him.

The man chuckled at the goddess' ignorance.  
>"Calypso? I can't believe that you haven't recognised me yet… I'm hurt!" he joked.<p>

"Do I know you?" Calypso asked, wrinkling up her eyebrows and looking through her past memories. Was he one of her many siblings? Was he some random stalker?

"It's me! Ignus!" he said with a grin. (Please don't Google it, I just made it up. PS- Ignus means fire in Latin)

Calypso blinked and blinked again.  
>"Ignus? As in THE Ignus who landed on Ogygia two thousand years ago? Shouldn't you be dead by now?" she asked confused. Like every other man who had been sent to her island, Calypso had fallen in love with him and they had a very, very short affair lasting for a couple of weeks.<p>

"Yeah… But Zeus made me immortal when I slayed Tethys and Atlas. Isn't that great?! And then there were all these rumours about you escaping Ogygia so I came to look for you," he yelled excitedly.

"You killed my parents?" Calypso asked in a low but dangerous tone. Sure, they weren't exactly the best parents in the world… But they were still her biological mother and father!

"Yeah… Yeah… Whatever," he continued. "So I went to Jamaica because I felt your presence there and I saw you on this weird boat. I was going to teleport there but then the ship disappeared… Then I found you again in Miami but you got on this plane and I didn't want Zeus to kill me so I waited for you to arrive in New York. After that, I just checked into the same hotel as you did and here we are now!"

"Are you telling me that you killed my parents?" she repeated.

"Yeah… Whatever… It's okay, they're regenerate in a few decades, maybe?" he assumed carelessly again. "So… The reason why I followed you all the way here from the Land of Llamas is because I wanted to ask you something," he proclaimed cockily.

Calypso clearly didn't listen to anything he said because the next thing she said was,  
>"You got me at Jamaica."<p>

Ignus frowned.  
>"But that was at the beginning of my explanation!" he complained. "Anyway," he continued, "I've been thinking… We should get back together!" he suggested enthusiastically.<p>

"What… in… the… Tartarus…"she muttered. "Are you fu-fu-furgh" She stopped in her tracks because TheGoddessOfDuckTape has rated this fanfic K+. "You're proposal… Um… It's very um… interesting and uh…. Original… but I… Er… Already have a boyfriend!" stuttering the first parts and exclaiming the last part. Sometimes, she was just so glad that she was 'dating' Leo so that she always had an excuse ready in case anyone else wanted to go out with her.

Ignus looked surprised as if immortals didn't already have prior knowledge of all the different demigod ships.  
>"But… You said you loved me! You swore that you would love me as long as we were together forever!" he said using her promises from the past as proof.<p>

"That's not going to work for two very obvious reasons. Firstly, I said the same thing to Odysseus, Perseus and Hercules. You kind of ruined the whole promise thing when you left me on Ogygia and refused to stay with me. And secondly, I'm not immortal anymore so technically, that 'together-forever' thing really isn't going to work," she countered. Personally, Calypso was very proud of herself for thinking of two such strong arguments against a guy she used to have feelings for.

"Look, I'm sorry Ignus. Let's just stay… friends," she said, "I'm still not forgiving you for killing my parents though…" Calypso turned around and left.

* * *

><p>If Calypso didn't check out of The Atlas Hotel by 12:30 PM, the receptionists would charge her for the price of two days instead of one. A night at the hotel cost $230 but Calypso had to go to a pawn shop to exchange one drachma for a night's hotel fee. Of course she knew that one solid golden drachma was worth way more than $230 but Calypso was feeling charitable.<p>

She handed over the cash and her room key. Calypso skipped out of the hotel lobby to look for a cab. She stood on the edge of the curb to hail down a yellow car. It wasn't long before one stopped right in front of her.

Calypso gingerly opened the door and called to the driver inside,  
>"Farm Road, Long Island please!"<p>

The man looked at the girl from head to toe. 'She doesn't seem to be the type of person to have that much money though…' he thought.

"That's going to cost $50 at the very least! I want to see that money upfront!" he exclaimed.

Calypso reluctantly slid her backpack off her left shoulder and unzipped it. She felt around its inside for it before pulling out the bundle that she had been given from Steve. Calypso brandished the notes in the taxi driver's face. "Is that enough?" she asked hopefully.

The man took the notes and counted them, twice. And checked that they were all American, thrice. He nodded vigorously.

Calypso opened the door to the backseat of the cab and hopped in.  
>"I'll let you keep the change if you're fast," she told him.<p>

**So… There goes another chapter! Look out for my answers to the Q&A in Chapter 30 (a.k.a. the next chapter)!**

**Gee… Hope no one noticed that last chapter's ending was, "BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S LEO!" Don't worry, I will change it!**

**Please review/fave/follow!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	30. Thalia's Tree

**Yay! Over 16,000 views! I was going to do that at 15,000 but then I realised that my views had already hit above 16,000... So... Yeah...**

**Hey everyone! Because it's Chapter 30, these are your questions and your answers from the Q&A! Hope you enjoy reading them!**

**Q: ****Calypso223****: ****Who is the boy?  
>A: Well… The answer to that question was in the last chapter but in case any of you guys didn't get it, he's Ignus. A guy who landed on Ogygia around 2000 years ago and was later grated immortality for his deeds. Hope that answered your question! It should've…<strong>

**Q: wisegirl416: ****Who is that boy?!  
>A: Ditto.<strong>

**Q: MiniSatyr101: Do you like bacon?  
>A: I guess I don't mind it but my life doesn't really depend on it… I don't remember the last time I had bacon but I still mildly enjoy it. Don't hate it, don't love it.<strong>

**Q: catrawesome: What is your favourite colour and why? Who is your favourite of the seven? (Not counting Nico, Reyna, etc.)  
>A: My favourite colour is black! Like my soul! No, not really… But my favourite colour is black… Probably because it's the colour of sorrow or something (I may or may not be suffering from a slight case of depression). My favourite PJO character is Nico, but my favourite from the seven is Leo because he suffered three and a half HoO books of being single.<strong>

**Q: Avidya Karma: WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END  
>A: Dunno… Maybe another 20 chapters? I'm going make at least 50 chapters. I don't know if that's too optimistic but I'll see how long it takes for me to finish my pre-planned plot.<strong>

**Q: TheQueenOfLint: Are any of your OCs based on real people? ;);)  
>A: Yep! I was the coffee girl in the first chapter! And in 'The Babies of Caleo', two of the children I made up are based on my friends in real life (Rosy and Danni). And Percy the cat was based on my dog (and Percy of course)!<strong>

**Q: Percyisawesome: Who do u think will die in blood of Olympus?  
>A: Well… Don't take it badly… But in Greek mythology, one of Frank's ancestors got his wood burned and I think Rick Riordan would want history to repeat itself… So basically, I think Frank's going to die. Just a guess. If people are reading this after the release of Blood of Olympus, they'll probably go, 'Pfft! That's guess is so off', 'O.O She's physic' or 'I bet she edited the chapter'. .<strong>

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Thalia's Tree

Calypso scanned the landscape of Half Blood Hill. A pine tree sat on the very top of it. The goddess had heard of the story from gods such as Hephaestus and Hermes- two of the only gods who ever frequently visited Ogygia.

'That girl was so brave…' she thought. 'Although… Getting turned into a tree was a bit unreasonable.' It wasn't like Zeus was the god of pine trees! Why a pine tree? That question had always haunted her.

Calypso's eyes wandered over the twisted tree. Even without her magic, she could tell that there were large amounts of spirit encircling it. Though the body of the demigod had vanished, her soul was lingering and still protecting Half Blood Hill.

Her hands ran over the rough surface of the tree and she stopped at a carving. The carving was faded and probably done quite a while ago but the feeling of the disturbance in wood was obvious. Calypso bent down to inspect the carving only to realise that she couldn't because her shadow was covering it up.

Calypso moved to a different position and scrutinised it. She gasped when she recognised the shape and outline. It was a familiar symbol, one of a lightning bolt. Electricity flowed through Calypso's senses as someone else's memory played out.

**Flashback (kind of)**

"Hey Thalia," a guy who looked suspiciously like a 17 year old Ignus said casually. "How's your day been going?" he asked.

The boy with sandy blonde hair sat at the base of the tree and seemed to talk to it.  
>"Anyone pass the border today?" It honestly looked like he was actually expecting a legitimate spoken answer.<p>

"You would not believe the day I had. We have a new camper today… I think her name is Katie or something. She's a daughter of Demeter. Travis picked a fight with her and she retaliated. You'd be surprised how hard it is to pry two ten year olds apart. But then again…" he reconsidered, "She did have a giant gardening fork…"

He chuckled and ran his hand through his hair, before putting on a face of seriousness.  
>"When are you coming back? I really miss you, Thalia. You know I'd do anything to get you back, right? Anything. I swear that I'll destroy the gods and force Zeus to turn you back one day. Just remember, it's all for you."<p>

He got up and brushed the dirt away from the back of his shorts.  
>"It's past curfew," he said looking right at the tree. "I've got to go now."<p>

He walked away but turned around after a few metres. The boy walked back and pulled out a pocket-knife, inscribing a thunderbolt into the bark.

When he was done, the boy wrapped his arms around the thin trunk of the pine.  
>"Thalia, I love you. Always," he said gently before walking away again.<p>

He left without another word. The fresh, green sap of the newly opened wound was still visible.

**End Flashback**

Calypso found herself crying at the end of the heart-touching moment. Although she wasn't the type to get so sentimental, it was obvious that the boy deeply loved the tree.

When her sniffling had come to a stop, she realised what had just happened. Despite the fact that her godly powers and immortality had been vacuumed right out of her, she still had a remnant of her natural powers. 'No I don't,' she thought. 'It's more diluted.'

It was like she was a demigod. She could eat ambrosia and drink nectar (who knows how much before exploding). And she still had a lesser version of her magic prior to her escape from Ogygia.  
>"Ew…" Calypso said out loud, "I'm a demigod."<p>

"You're a demigod?" someone squeaked popping out from behind the tree.

A little girl stepped out and looked Calypso up and looked at her from head to toe.  
>"You look too old to be a demigod without a camp. Are you sure you're not a Roman soldier coming to ambush us?"<p>

Calypso knitted her eyebrows together. Who was that girl? Her earlier concern about the flashback was longer the top priority, the obnoxious girl was.

"Because if you are, you're doing a horrible job," she added, putting a hand on her hip. "I saw what you did there. You can talk to plants… That's why Thalia gave you part of her memory. Are you a daughter of Demeter?" she asked curiously. "Whatever. I'm taking you to Chiron!" the girl grabbed Calypso's wrist and pulled her in the direction of a white, marble building.

* * *

><p>"Good work, Lacy. Go back to patrol now," Chiron told the girl, patting her on the shoulder.<p>

"Yes, Chiron," she said, bowing her head a little and ran off.

"So… Calypso?" the centaur trailed. "How'd you get off Ogygia? Did you really give up your powers and immortality?" It seemed like there was a hidden motive behind his general question.

Calypso's eyes flickered. Although he was asking casually, it felt like an interrogation. She told the truth.  
>"I don't have immortality anymore… Or godly powers," she replied.<p>

Chiron snapped his head up.  
>"Godly powers, you say? What about natural powers?"<p>

Calypso almost hit herself for making such an obvious loophole.  
>"I have some… If I was at full power, I would have full control over plants and animals… But, so far it just seems like I can talk to them. I haven't tried pheromone control yet…"<p>

"We'll do it in the morning," he the centaur decided. "Then we'll see how powerful you really are."

**Well there goes an entire chapter… Hope you liked it! I'll post another competition in another 10 chapters. Probably the randomest word thing next time… Please review, fave or follow! :D**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	31. Wattpad, eMortal and Wikipedia

**Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I was busy with my other fanfic, The Vow of Eternal Maidenhood. Please read it if you have the chance.**

**Just so you guy know, I have a Wattpad account and I posted this story there so please don't think that someone is copy-writing me. My penname there is exactly the same as it is here but I doesn't suggest you read it from there because I prefer more and I love you guys more too! . 3 Besides, this fanfic on Wattpad is still on Chapter 4… =.=**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Wattpad, eMortal and Wikipedia

Leo was an impatient person. After discovering that Calypso was no longer on Ogygia, he had grown very, very anxious.

'Am I supposed to find her?' he thought, 'Or is she supposed to come with me?'

Was Leo meant to play the knight in shining armour and go search for her? 'Wait, no that's stupid,' he thought, 'I don't even know where she is.' He kept on trying to reassure himself that it wasn't required of him to venture out for her.

'On one hand,' Leo thought and held out an outstretched palm, 'As a male I'm expected to go be heroic and stuff.' He did the same thing for his other hand, 'And on the other, Calypso's very independent so she might be offended if I go look for her.'  
>Leo started moving his hands up and down alternatively.<p>

_Left hand up, right hand down… left hand down, right hand up, left hand up…_

Soon, the ADHD demigod was moving his hands constantly up and down without any reason. To any ordinary passer-by, it would seem like he was juggling with non-existent balls.

It took him a while, but he realised what he was doing and stopped. Leo's hands dropped back to his side.

'Calypso will take it badly if I try to rescue her. It will go against her feministic-ism-ness (I know this isn't a real word but let's be honest, this is Leo we're talking about) views,' he decided.

Leo sat into his comfortable armchair and reached for the cup holders. As opposed to the kinds of things that normal people put into cups (dunno, cups maybe?), Leo preferred to keep chocolate covered sugar frosted macadamia nuts. Chocolate covered sugar frosted macadamia nuts were one of his favourite foods, apart from lemonade and beef stew of course. He grabbed a decent handful of nuts and shoved a few into his mouth.

Leo savoured the taste of chocolate and sugar. It was like a solid form of adrenalin to his brain. 'Food always helps me think better,' he thought.

Putting the rest of the handful into his mouth, he reconsidered his dilemma. The diabetes-inducing snack crunched under his teeth probably forming a few cavities on the way.

'It's my job,' he told himself, 'I'll help her but I won't help her.' And he relaxed in his armchair with that comforting thought.

* * *

><p>Ignus blinked confused. It wasn't possible. After his wife Aquam (Latin for water), the minor goddess of water had divorced with him, no other goddess, nymph or even dryad on Olympus had even batted an eye in his direction.<br>His wife had caught him cheating on her. The news of his treachery and unfaithfulness spread like wildfire through Mount Olympus. 'It was quite a shame that I was caught…' the god lectured himself, 'Why couldn't I have been more subtle?'

Calypso had seemed so lovey-dovey and clingy back on Ogygia, she had been the only girl left that even seemed to care about him at all.

The daughter of the Titans had seemed like the only available chance left. And now she had rejected him. 'Quite blatantly and rudely might I add,' he thought.

He lolled his head to the side and reconsidered his open options. He could pursue Calypso until she fell victim to his charms, or… he could open an online eMortals dating account (Get it? Immortals? eHarmony? eMortals?)

Ignus jumped onto a nearby laptop that the hotel had on loan for their paying customers and typed letters into the search engine.

It had taken the 'young' god many, many years to perfect the art of what modern day people called Googling. He scoured and dug for every single piece of dirt he could find on Calypso, and most importantly, her love life.

"Ah… A woman portrayed as a seductress…" he read off the screen. He read a couple more incriminating lines out loud before tilting the lid down to touch the keyboard (Let's all pretend that there's some kind of info there that will be used later in the plot) "Thank you Wikipedia. Now, I have all the information I need. Leo Valdez, you're going down (Let's be honest, there is a lot of Caleo info on Wiki…)

* * *

><p>Leo had decided on an answer. He could track Calypso down with one of the Archimedes spheres, enter the correct code for visual communication and assist her with her journey towards the Argo II. Personally, he himself thought that it was a very good spur of the moment idea. Leo patted himself on the shoulder and ate a few more pieces of confectionery as a reward.<p>

"I'm a genius!" he told himself. Running into the corner of his room, he grabbed one the metal contraptions and punched in a unique four-digit code while praying that he had put in the correct one.

Leo recorded a video message into the golden sphere that would be ready to play as soon as it was received by the intended one. He wanted Calypso to know of how everything was going and the conditions of everything aboard the Argo II.

He sat in front of it and talked to the camera as if it were Calypso herself only without her replies. When he was done with his message, Leo punched in another code (Don't worry you'll find out what the message is when Calypso receives it).

The top hemisphere of the ball folded itself into a pair of rotors. The propeller began spinning, lifting the heavy metal sphere a few inches into the air. They turned even faster and lifted up a foot higher (I changed the measurements to make more sense and be more proportionate). It tilted left and right before flying out of Leo's window into the unknown - going into the pitch black sky outside.

"Go find Calypso," he whispered.

**Sorry for taking so long to update. I don't know why but I haven't been getting any ideas recently. In order to scrape this chapter together, I actually had to sit down and write a brief overview of the chapter and assign a certain number of words onto each part of the chapter. I was so tiring… Hope you liked it! Review, fave and follow to show your appreciation and to encourage me to write faster.  
>Sorry if it sounds cheesy or if I sound like I'm trying to get more stats, but I'm serious. Because of my continuous Writer's Block, please also review and give me suggestions for my story, because I'm seriously stuck right now…<strong>

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	32. Blessed Quartz

**PLEASE READ MY OTHER FANFIC, THE VOW OF ETERNAL MAIDENHOOD~ :D**

**Thanks for all your thoughts on my story. Keep up the reviews because I enjoy reading them very much. I love all your suggestion for my story and I intend on using a couple of them.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Blessed Quartz

Calypso woke up groggily from her long slumber. Despite the fact that the beds in the guest rooms of the Big House weren't very comfortable, she hadn't slept much in the past few days so a chance to rest was literally a gift from god.

She was really for her first day at Camp Half Blood. The night before, Chiron had told her that first, she would go to the Dining Pavilion for breakfast, then she would go to the Swords Arena to see what kind of sword skills she had, have lunch, test her specialised natural powers, have dinner, go to the sing-a-long campfire, go back to sleep and then wake up for another day of misery that is her life.

The goddess didn't have an official Camp Half Blood shirt yet so she just threw on her usual loose, sleeveless dress, her headband and white flats over the singlet that she was already wearing. She exited the Big House making many twists and turns, passing a drunk-looking man gambling with himself.

She stared at him for quite a while but he didn't seem to notice her so Calypso decided to slowly walk away, making the least amount of noise possible.

As soon as she made her way out of the Big House, Calypso realised that she had a second problem. She didn't know her way around campus.  
>But fortunately, that problem was solved when she noticed many campers in bright, orange shirts converging towards a single point around 200 feet in front of her.<p>

'Thank goodness…' she thought, 'There goes that problem.' With the general directions in her head, she walked towards the Dining Pavilion.

* * *

><p>After a delicious meal of toast, orange juice, slices of chicken and yoghurt, Calypso thought that she was ready for anything. Maybe even three hours straight of sword practice.<p>

She was escorted to the Swords Area by Chiron and the drunkard. Personally, Calypso wasn't very sure if allowing Dionysus near so many weapons was safe. For heaven's sake he was drunk! He shouldn't even be allowed at an institute of education (technically, summer camps do count as education institutes)!

The sword in her hand felt so heavy. Calypso wasn't sure if a sword was even her weapon of choice. A dagger would serve the purpose far better and Calypso was pretty sure that even a bow and arrow would be more suited to her.

She slashed at the cotton-stuffed dummy, barely holding up her sword with both of her hands.

Chiron was sitting on the side critiquing her work.  
>"That's great Calypso, but could you try to hold with one hand? We need to leave that other hand open so you can use a shield or something."<p>

The goddess grimaced. It wasn't her fault that she had really under-developed arm muscles after spending over five thousand years on a remote island that didn't even exist on Earth, was it? She tried to hold her sword up using only one hand but Calypso found that she couldn't raise it very high at all.  
>"I'm sorry, but do you have a lighter one?" she asked, giving up on trying to lift it.<p>

Chiron shook his head solemnly,  
>"I'm afraid that what you're holding right now is the lightest sword we have designed for females. You'll have to use that one."<p>

Calypso accepted the facts and used a single hand to lift the heavy sword, gripping it with all her might. She tried to strike the dummy again but the blade never hit the target. It was simply so heavy that it clattered loudly on the floor.

The centaur sighed and trotted over to the shed to fetch another weapon.  
>"How's this one?" he asked holding up a machine gun (the one that Piper almost got).<p>

"It's not my style…"

"This?" he tried again with a golden sword with intricate designs on the handle.

"That looks even heavier than the one I just had," she said, "So it's kind of redundant…"

"You make a good point," he agreed, thrusting the sword back into its sheath and putting it back into the shed. "Why don't you come over here and pick for yourself?"

Calypso hurried over to the shack of corrugated iron and peeked inside. The selection was huge! There were many swords, curved scythes, bows, arrows, slingshots, guns, celestial bronze bullets, Greek fire launchers and even something unidentifiable that looked like a wok (Chinese cooking device/pot).

She picked up a copper-coloured pair of stilettos lying on the ground.  
>"What are those doing here?" Calypso asked curiously.<p>

Chiron snatched the shoes away from her and put them back on the ground where they once were.  
>"Be careful with those! They once killed a whole monster army with that piercing sharp heel of theirs! Don't you dare play around with those. They're weapons of mass destruction after all…"<p>

Calypso was petrified after his explanation and left the stilettos alone. She picked up a clear blade by its handle and turned it around. It looked very much like a jagged piece of glass in a triangular shape, a foot long.  
>"How does this work?"<p>

He looked surprised at her choice.  
>"Well… That's very rare… I'll get Mr D to explain this one," he said gesturing to the man drinking from a can of Diet Coke.<p>

Mr D looked up from his drink and tried to catch up with whatever was going on around him.  
>"Yeah… yeah... That's Blessed Quartz," he explained. "Can I get back to my drink yet?" he asked impatiently.<p>

Chiron gave him a disapprovingly look.  
>"Explain it in more depth, will you Mr D?"<p>

"Fine," he sighed, "Blessed Quartz has been blessed by the gods. Is that good enough?"

Somehow, Chiron managed to gather up his courage and glare at a major god.

"Fine, fine," Mr D complained, "Blessed Quartz is just like Imperial Gold and Celestial Bronze but it's even rarer because gods don't like wasting their time blessing precious rocks. Just remember that they only wound immortals and monsters. Happy, Chiron?"

"Very. Now Calypso, why don't you try wielding your weapon?"

Calypso raised her right arm and struck at the very tattered dummy. She beamed like a light globe.  
>"It's perfect."<p>

**Thanks for reading this! Be sure to review, follow and fave or check out my profile.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Don't hold back on your true thoughts! I don't mind flames either.**


	33. Dryad Urine

**Eek… I haven't updated in a while have I? Hope you enjoy this chapter despite it being a bit short. I didn't mention this last time but I would like to thank guest reviewer 'uhh im artemis' because he/she me to start writing fanfic again. If it wasn't for her/him, I probably wouldn't have posted Chapter 32 or this one for a matter of facts.**

**School starts tomorrow... :'(**

**Enjoy the chapter~**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Dryad Urine

Calypso had finished three continuous hours of training with her new dagger.

At the end of that training, Chiron presented Calypso with a fashionable belt.  
>"It's for the dagger," he explained. Chiron put his finger through a loop attached to the strip of leather. "I messaged a couple of Hephaestus demigods to fashion a sheath for your dagger. It should be done by dinner, but for now, you'll just have to tie to your belt with some string or something."<p>

The goddess graciously thanked the centaur and headed back to the Dining Pavilion where she had been in the morning only this time for lunch. Her eyes scanned at the options available. The lunch special decided by the harpies was to be wraps.

Calypso grabbed a plate from the stack and lined up in the queue for wrap fillings. She chose turkey, lettuce, cheese, tomato and mayonnaise. The newcomer wasn't sure were to sit so she went to go ask Chiron for help.

"Normally, I'd ask you to sit at the Cabin 11 table (Hermes), but… They're really full and you are a goddess so sit wherever you want.

"Thanks Chiron!" she said before going to look for Leo's relatives. It was a lot harder than she thought it would be. "I'm looking for short Latino boys with crazy hair and elfish qualities," she told herself. Kids of Hephaestus…"

It took her a while but Calypso spotted a table filled with burly boys. Their biceps, triceps, quadriceps and any other –ceps bulged from under their clothes. She held her breath and walked towards them, clutching her plate tightly.

"Hi~" she greeted them.

Every single one of their ugly heads turned around to look at her and it wasn't until then that Calypso realised that half of them were actually girls.

She helped herself to a seat but a boy slammed the bench with enough power for the table to vibrate as if there was an earthquake.

"This seat's for Chuck," he grunted incoherently in a caveman voice.

Calypso gulped as he stood up to reveal his full height.

"Mess with us again and you'll have to endure the wrath of the Ares Cabin," the caveman proclaimed.

'The children of Ares?!' Calypso screamed inside.  
>"He-he… Forget I was ever here…" she trailed, darting out of sight.<p>

Calypso smacked herself in the head for being so stupid and mistaking children of Ares, for those of Hephaestus. If only she had asked a nicer bunch of fellows for guidance to the Hephaestus table instead…

But it was too late for all that now so the goddess decided to suck it up and go sit with Chiron or something.

* * *

><p>When Calypso said that she was going to sit with Chiron at lunch, she didn't expect to have to put up with Mr D as well. It was bad enough not getting to know Leo's relatives, but she had to deal with an ill-tempered god of all alcoholics too?!<p>

She watched as chunks of shredded chicken flew out of the mouth that he didn't shut when he ate. It was like a cement mixer in there! Microscopic specks of sweet chilli sauce landed in Calypso's hair but she had far too much etiquette to wipe it off.

Calypso sighed in relief when Mr D finished his meal only to see him create an elaborate goblet out of thin air.

"Dionysus," Chiron warned, "No alcohol, remember?"

"It's not alcohol. Definitely not wine," he said nonchalantly.

The centaur raised a sceptical eyebrow.  
>"In an 18 carat gold goblet? Have you ever heard of anyone drinking Diet Coke from such an ornate cup?"<p>

Dionysus continued to feign his innocence.  
>"I just wanted to know what it'd feel like to drink diet soda from an overpriced container."<p>

Chiron snorted,  
>"Is that so?" He detached his bow from his back straps and reached for one of his many arrows.<p>

Mr D widened his eyes in shock and transformed his goblet of wine into a can of Diet Coke. He pulled open the top with a satisfying 'pop' and took a sip.  
>"It tastes like dryad urine," he complained.<p>

"Wait, so it tastes like tree sap?" Calypso asked, confused.

This caused every single face on the table to give her a disapproving look. She didn't get how Dionysus was allowed to say that Diet Coke tasted like dryad urine but she wasn't allowed to say that dryad urine was basically tree sap. Personally, Calypso thought that her observation was a very logical and relevant.

The goddess soon decided to give up on good manners and gobbled her food as fast as humanly possible before hurriedly excusing herself from the table.

"Don't forget Calypso," Chiron told her, "The natural magic session will be at the Lake."

* * *

><p>Calypso was extremely proud of herself for finding the Lake all by herself. 'But then again,' she thought, 'The Lake is the only prominent water feature of Camp Half Blood.' She giggled a bit. Somehow, she had managed to make the demigod camp sound like a tourist attraction.<p>

She cautiously dipped her hand in the Lake just for fun. It was cool and relaxing down there and Calypso found poking the water surface rather amusing.

Before she knew it, both Mr D and Chiron turned up at the Lake doubting the sanity of the girl who was poking the water.

Calypso sprang up from her crouched position and straightened her dress to conceal all its messy creases and wiped her wet hand in the folds of the flowing skirt.  
>"I was just… Testing for any living creatures down in the Lake," she said slowing, continuing on with her fabrication."<p>

"What an idiotic girl!" Dionysus taunted, "Fish don't swim that close to the surface. Besides, most of the animals down in that big puddle aren't even known to mortals."

Calypso looked into the water and made out two girls giggling at her. They poked their tongues out and pulled funny faces before laughing hysterically.

"They're making fun of your stupidity," Mr D told her.

**Sorry it's so late. For some reason, my chapter didn't save so I had to rewrite it. But that's okay, because I made it even better than before! :D**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Review, fave and follow~! ;)**


	34. I'm Magical

**Hey~ Great work on the 20000+ views! Love you guys! :D**

**I haven't updated in a while but I simply had to after reading Blood of Olympus.**

**32 days since I got dumped by a guy I was never dating… I have no idea what the hell happened there… No signs of emotional trauma. Yet. Because of this, I have a relatively short chapter today… :(**

**Enjoy the chapter and I sincerely apologise for not updating regularly.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ I'm Magical

Calypso manipulated elements of nature around her while trying to ignore the little mermaids making fun of her. Every single time she looked into the lake, she saw two faces grinning and giggling at her.

Ever since she had become mortal, her powers had been greatly diminished. No longer could she teleport, shape-shift or drink large amounts of alcohol.

The meagre powers that remained after becoming a mortal were rather pathetic. After an afternoon of using her domain powers, she was exhausted. Calypso no longer had the luxury of limitless power so she had to play by the rules of demigods.

Four and a half hours of work had taught her quite a lot about herself. She had control over the element of earth although she didn't like having the same power as her grandmother (Yes, her grandmother. As in the one who wants to destroy the world). Calypso also had a slight presence of Charmspeak to be found in her tongue. Sure, the power wasn't nearly as potent as Piper's or Drew's, but it was Charmspeak and it did prove very effective in many situations involving monsters.

Calypso sighed and collapsed onto the floor due to her fatigue. She laid on the grass and ignored all the commotion around her. She forgot about Camp Half Blood, New York City's pollution, and she even disregarded the existence of immortal deities. For one moment in her life, she focussed only on Leo.

He wasn't standing right next to her but it felt like he was. She thought about the awkwardness that they shared and all the good times they had together. Her mind went back to the times when she was frustrated by his shyness and unwillingness to admit his feelings. If only he was here now.

A buzzing noise filled the air. Calypso closed her eyes and wrinkled her nose in distaste. No matter how much she loved nature, she absolutely hated mosquitos. They were just so annoying and Calypso didn't understand why they existed in the first place. Millions of people would be so relieved if those annoying blood-suckers didn't exist.

"Go away," she told the mosquito.

The buzzing didn't stop and the wings of the metal contraption continued on flapping.

'Wait, what?' she thought, 'Metal contraption?' She got up from the grass and rubbed her weary eyes. She held out her hands and the bronze sphere dropped into them.  
>"What in the Hades?" she murmured.<p>

The gears in the ball whirred and the wings got folded in. Instead, it was replaced by a holographic screen composed of multiple, well-placed mini laser beams. Together, they managed to form a very familiar and endearing face. It was Leo!

"Hey Calypso!" he grinned.

"Hi Leo…" she gushed. "I can't believe you're really here!"

"I'm afraid that this is only a recorded message so we can't really talk in real life," he said sadly.

Calypso spun into her little world of downcast when she realised that it was only a recording.

"But that's okay," he added, "We can talk to each other via recordings!" he said cheerfully. Leo scratched the back off his head. "I got your message. But you probably already know that… And for your information, I am not an idiot! Leo Valdez is 70% bad boy, 25% hot stuff and the other 15% is filled with Leo the tofu taco guy. That's… 110%!" he complained before realising his amateur mistake. "Oh… Dammit. You know what I mean," he said pointing directly at the screen.

Calypso cracked a smile at his mathematical error. It was just so Leo!

"I'm still not an idiot," he sulked. "If you want to talk to me, leave a message after the beep."

There was a long moment of silence. Calypso was bewildered. She was meant to leave a message after the beep, but there was no beep! How in Tartarus was she supposed to know when to start talking.

Leo grinned at the camera.  
>"BEEP~" he giggled.<p>

Calypso rolled her eyes before starting her one-sided conversation.  
>"Look Leo, I've gotten your message but it really has taken quite a while. If you're really that bad at math, I'll tutor you when we meet up again. I love how you're smart enough to get this machine to find me and install a sort of a memory or a communication device on it but you aren't smart enough to have a live chat on it. You're a freaking genius. I'm at Camp Half Blood right now, so yeah… Just feel free to uh… drop by anytime if you want to talk to me conveniently without any machinery involved. Bye~"<p>

She stared weirdly at the camera. The light beside it was still blinking red. That meant it was still recording. How was she supposed to turn it off? Calypso picked up the shiny, metal ball and turned it around looking for a protruding part of sorts.

Calypso managed to find a small button on the otherwise smooth surface and pressed it. The camera was covered over with a spiral of bronze. The wings came out of their folds and expanded into their fully stretched three foot forms.

The goddess smiled as she watched the small sphere fly out into the open sky. She thought about what Leo's reaction to her message would be.

Calypso grinned and caused a minor earthquake due to her happiness.  
>"I'm magical," she said to no one in particular as she felt the soft grass in her hands.<p>

**Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm sorry if it was a little short because I really wanted to update before going to sleep tonight so I rushed it a bit.**

**Please review, favourite and follow to encourage me to write faster! It honestly helps.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	35. Justin Bieber 20

**Hey everyone~ Hope you guys have fun reading this chapter! :D I'm so glad that our class gets duty-girl again, meaning we get to miss out on one-and-a-half days of school. I'm spending most of that free time updating my two fanfics. Please read also read The Vow of Eternal Maidenhood if you can!**

**I'm sorry but I'm thinking of shortening this story's expected to chapter number to around 40. Sorry, but I decided that there was no way that I could get enough fillers for this. I'm going to assume that you guys have already read BoO, because I'll include references like the Physician's cure. Maybe…**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_Justin Bieber 2.0

Leo twiddled his thumbs and looked at a screen. It showed the exact location of the bronze ball as long as the navigational instrument had wi-fi. Right now, the little dot was hovering over the Indian Ocean and moving ever so slowly. One millimetre every five minutes.

He slumped over and cradled his face with his palms. With the rate that it was moving with the added speed that the Argo II was going, the machine would arrive in approximately… four hours

'Four hours!' he thought, 'Four hours!' How would he help fill the boredom?! He groaned and squeezed his eyes together.

A new window popped up on his laptop labelled, 'Incoming Caller'. Leo frowned at this. He wasn't expecting anyone, although he was hoping for it to be Calypso. Sadly, the chances for Calypso to be the one messaging him were astronomical.

He clicked it curiously and the face of a quite handsome man was enlarged until it covered the entire screen. The demigod wrinkled his nose. Why was it that everyone in the mythological world was so devilishly good-looking?! It seemed that everyone but him had received this wonderful blessing.

The man did a Justin-Bieber-style hair flick with his wild blonde helmet and Leo flinched. He was disgusted and horrified by the thought of there being two Biebers on the planet.

"I'm Ignus," he said smoothly, "You have something that belongs to me. And I want it back."

* * *

><p>Calypso grabbed a handful of dirt from the ground and watched the clump fall apart and trickle back down again. Occasionally, she exercised small bursts of power and created mini sculptures. She built a thin, four foot tower of diameter two centimetres. When it was constructed to her satisfaction, she cut off her power and used her finger to slowly destroy it.<p>

A strong gust of wind sent the disintegrating tower flying. Bits of dirt managed to squirm their way into her mouth. She gagged at its horrible taste and spit as much of it out as possible.  
>"Never building magical sandcastles again, ever!" she vowed.<p>

She dragged her butt back into her Big House room to kill time, maybe even try on her new shirt. Chiron had given her an official Camp Half Blood shirt and Calypso had paid Connor Stoll two drachmas for him to steal a pair of skinny jeans to go with it.

* * *

><p>The goddess marvelled over her out-of-character-ness while looking in the full length mirror. She had adorned herself in an orange shirt and pale blue jeans. Her long, cinnamon hair was out of its plait and spilling over her shoulders.<p>

She sighed. Now that she was no longer sheltered by the monster-proof protection of Ogygia, she wouldn't have so many chances to look so clean or unscathed.

Two Ancient Greek books on Ancient Warcraft, five cheese chapattis and a litre of lime cordial later, she was bored out of her mind. She wondered if Leo had received her message yet, if Percy had finally gotten out of Tartarus, if Ignus had given up on her yet, and if Odysseus had made it to the Isle of Blest yet.

She thought about her past fourteen loves and how naïve she was back then. Calypso had treated each and every one as her true love but never had they returned the love for long. Her entire life had been devoted to making men – who were already infatuated with other women – fall in love with her. She had tried so hard to make them stay but they had all left her.

Calypso used to wish for nothing more but company but now she knew better. Leo had been the only one who had bothered with keeping in contact with her after his departure. Sure he wasn't as nice-looking as some of her other "loves" but he had a modern sense of humour and an imagination.

* * *

><p>Leo blinked, confused, "I have no idea what you're talking about."<p>

Ignus raised a sceptical eyebrow, "Are you sure?" he asked. "Are you sure that you haven't stolen anything from me in the past few… four days?" he asked again, referring to the Wikipedia page on Calypso's love life.

The son of Hephaestus found trouble counting back four days. 'Four days ago…' he thought, 'Four days ago… That was the 29th of July.'  
>"I'm sorry," Leo apologised, scratching his head, "On the 29th of July, I was in a different dimension so there's no way I stole anything belonging to you."<p>

Justin Bieber II sighed in frustration.  
>"What an idiot, haven't you Googled me yet?"<p>

Leo almost kicked himself when he realised that he had failed to search him up. Whenever he met someone associated with Greek mythology, it was always best to search them up to find out about strengths and weaknesses. He quickly opened a window of Google Chrome and typed in 'Ignus Greek mythology' (in Ancient Greek of course).

"I'll save you the effort," Ignus drawled, "I'm Calypso's boyfriend."

**Sorry for such a short chapter guys! And the chapter was really late as well but keep in mind that I'm still trying to get over emotional trauma. Six years of crushing, all gone, BAM. Just like that.**

**Well anyway,  
>BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!<strong>


	36. Steve almost gets a Girlfriend

**Huh… It's been a while since we hung out hasn't it? Sorry! I got into playing League of Legends so I guess I've been pretty busy… I'll try and make this chapter a longer for you guys but I don't know if that'll work though. I'm seriously trying, just so you know.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Steve almost gets a Girlfriend

"What in the Tartarus are you talking about?!" she shrieked. "I never did that!"

Zeus raised a suspicious and sceptical eyebrow.  
>"So your godly influence had no influence whatsoever on the Party Ponies, a group of wild centaurs that obey no one without substantial bribing or blackmail, helping a former goddess to camp?"<p>

Aphrodite looked at a marble statue out from the corner of her eye just to avoid looking at her adopted father.  
>"No…" she said, twiddling her thumbs, "Don't know what you're talking about," continuing on with her fabrication.<p>

"Ah, of course!" Zeus drawled sarcastically. "Those monsters just magically decided to help, you know? Because they totally do that all the time."

"Daddy, I already told you, I had nothing to do with it. Must've been someone else. And has it ever occurred to you that even though Calypso is a mortal, she might have some kind of power or influence over the godly world? Why do you always assume it's my fault?"

The king of gods cleared his throat, cuing Iris to glide into the throne room.  
>"So you didn't send this to their ship? Roll it, Iris."<p>

Iris gave a reserved nod before waving her hand through the air, forming a screen of mist. She then moved off to the side to munch on the lethal, chocolate cupcake that she had brought to snack on.

Aphrodite cringed as she saw her own face in the rainbow. It was back when she was threatening those lonely and single (in Aphrodite's opinion anyway) centaurs that struggled at finding love.

* * *

><p>"Hun, I'm telling you, you and your boys need girlfriends," she persuaded them.<p>

The centaur on the receiving end shuddered as he recalled the last time Aphrodite had tried to help with the love life of the Party Ponies. Let's just say that last time, there were Easter rabbits, well placed banana peels and heartbroken cheerleaders involved.  
>"We don't misunderstand our intentions my lady," Steve tried to placate her. "We're not searching for romance at this point in time."<p>

Aphrodite smirked in triumph. She was moving Steve exactly where she wanted him.  
>"But it was working out so great! I could set you guys up again, they deserve a second chance…"<p>

Steve the centaur blanched,  
>"What do you want? I'll do anything, ANYTHING!"<p>

"Okay, I guess there is something that you could do for me… There's a girl who's about to make it to the southern shore of Jamaica near the Spanish Town with the mountain of llamas. Get her to Miami and I won't give those high school cheerleaders your exact locations. Got that?" Aphrodite asked with a false front of sweetness.

Steve sighed, frustrated.  
>"You were planning this the whole time, weren't you?"<p>

The manipulative goddess giggled.

* * *

><p>"Do you still honestly wish to deny your assistance?" Zeus asked, cornering his daughter.<p>

Aphrodite twitched her eye in shock. 'How did Zeus get his hands on that?' she thought, 'Premium members of Iris International always had the privilege of having their conversations kept confidential…'

"I'm the king of gods," Zeus boasted proudly, "There are no secrets from me. Even if those secrets are being broadcasted on Iris International by premium members."

"Poop."

* * *

><p>Leo rubbed his hands together in glee. His contraption was finally back home. He waited for the wings to fold in before falling onto his bed to watch the recording.<p>

He gazed at her long locks of gold. They glimmered in the sunlight and Calypso's waves fell over her shoulders. Even the weather seemed to be in her favour with rays bounding off of her skin.

"Look Leo," she started. Leo snapped his eyes back into focus. "I've gotten your message but it really has taken quite a while. If you're really that bad at math, I'll tutor you when we meet up again. I love how you're smart enough to get this machine to find me and install a sort of a memory or a communication device on it but you aren't smart enough to have a live chat on it. You're a freaking genius. I'm at Camp Half Blood right now, so yeah… Just feel free to uh… drop by anytime if you want to talk to me conveniently without any machinery involved. Bye~"

Instead of waiting for a beep this time, Leo started talking as soon as he saw the red light blink.

"I'm not bad at math. I don't care what my friends say." He paused. Not that he had any friends. "I do have friends, not just imaginary ones, you know. It'd be wonderful for you to teach me math, as long as it involves no math at all. Or teaching for that matter."

Leo recalled his dreadful conversation with Ignus, Calypso's so called boyfriend. His face turned momentarily sour.

"Why didn't you tell me about Ignus?" he questioned accusingly. "You could've told me that you had a boyfriend letting me fall madly in love with you. I thought that we were close enough not to keep secrets anymore…" Leo murmured sadly.

"I'm sure that we'll meet each other again at some point. I'll get to camp once we've defeated Gaia. And then I hope that we can be… great… friends…"

Leo didn't really want to leave her on such a sad and unfriendly note but he needed to make it clear that it wasn't right for Calypso to be cheating on her Justin Bieber lookalike boyfriend no matter how much he hated him.

"I hope he loves you as much as you love him," he said, choking back tears before pressing the button to stop the recording.

Wings sprang out and flew off into the perfect sky, which didn't match with Leo's broken emotions at all.

**Okay, I seriously think that my creative writing skill has decreased since Year 7. I'm so getting worse, please someone give me a plot or event to work with. Please give small suggestions, in fact, as many as you want. The more the better. Thanks!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	37. Bad Satyr Puns

**Okay, I've said this before but this time I might actually be able to update sooner because of the summer holidays coming up in four days. Six whole weeks of pure holidays! :D**

**Remember that I don't have a plot right now so PLEASE SEND IN SUGGESTIONS FOR THE STORY!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Bad Satyr Puns

Calypso blankly stared at the holographic screen. She couldn't believe it. Ignus had been in contact with Leo?! That incompetent little jerky, bastardy man! How dare he?!

"Leo, don't you dare listen to that guy! He's a dirty, dirty liar, and a cheat! And a thief! I don't know why he's a thief but it seemed appropriate for the situation. If you listen to a single thing he says and take it to heart, I swear on the River Styx that I will beat you up! Ignus for god's sake isn't my boyfriend and he more like a guy I had a crush on for two weeks! Do you go around saying Percy's my boyfriend?! NO. Therefore, Ignatius "Ignus" Vipera is not, I repeat NOT, my boyfriend. I don't love him, he doesn't love me! He might, but it's a really creepy kind of love, okay?!" she fumed angrily, slamming her fist onto the button.

Then in all of her rage, she had forgotten about the exciting news she was preparing to tell.  
>"Ooh… Wait… Important news!" Calypso managed to tell the contraption before it folded up and flew away.<p>

'Dang it!' she thought. 'I couldn't tell him my important news…'

That stupid Ignus! Ignatius "Ignus" Vipera. More like Ignatius the Pugnacious! He was dirtier than the scum hidden in the corners of Camp Half Blood's catering pavilion. Which thankfully reminded her to go eat lunch, especially after missing breakfast.

* * *

><p>"Man, I'm telling you," a satyr rambled, "She was like nuh-uh, and I was like uh-huh, and she was like nuh-uh, so I just like, ate ALL her tin cans."<p>

Calypso had been relocated from the head table, to… The satyr table. Where nobody talked about anything but reed pipes, hot nature spirits and tin cans. SOOOO many tin cans…

"Amen brother, I hear you!" Satyr Number 2 called out, "I tried serenading this dryad with K-Pop on my pipes any she was all like, 'Dude, is that a nursery rhyme?'"  
>This caused everyone around the table to burst out in laughter, everyone but Calypso that is. It must've been some kind of inside joke.<p>

"Yeah, and last night I was with Bluebell and we were like, watching Fists of Furry," Satyr Number 1 said again.

"Wait, do you mean like, Fists of Fury, like the one with Jackie Pan in it?"

"No , FURRY, get it? Because we're satyrs, you know?" Satyr Number 1 chuckled.

"Wait, wait, wait, what?! Jackie Pan, you mean Jackie Chan, right?" Satyr Number 3 butted in.

Everyone laughed again at the mention of their esteemed and worshipped leader.

Calypso sat there, awkwardly eating her Greek salad. She plunged her fork into a cube of feta and brought it to her mouth. 'I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask Chiron to relocate me. Again,' she thought.

"DUDE! You hoofus!" Satyr Number 4 yelled enthusiastically, shoving Satyr Number 2. "Get it?! Hoofus? Doofus? Cos we have hooves, get it?!"

Calypso widened her eyes. She was sitting with a bunch of loonies. The goddess abandoned her ladylike table manners and wolfed down her salad.  
>"Huh-huh… Bye!" she told everyone.<p>

"Ha!" Satyr Number 5 said, "Rye. Get it? Because we're nature spirits? Bye? Rye?"

A rapture of hearty laughter erupted around the table.

* * *

><p>"It's a really creepy kind of love, okay?! Ooh… Wait… Important news!" holographic Calypso said loudly.<p>

Leo contemplated the options available. Calypso could be lying (which she rarely ever did unless it was for a good cause) and wanted to keep her relationship with Ignus a secret. Or… she was telling the truth and Ignus was over-exaggerating everything.

And for once, Leo wasn't happily anticipating leaving Calypso with a message. What in the Tartarus was he meant to say? He imagined an outrageous scenario.

"Oh, Calypso," Leo said, dazzling with sparkles and glitter galore, "Please forgive me…" He of course, was in a princely outfit and upon a white horse.

"Why yes!" Calypso sang out, "I will love you forever no matter what happens!" And she was in a long, flowing dress fit for a princess.

They then rode away on the horse, to their magnificent castle.

Leo shook his head and ridded it of the illusion. 'Wow,' he thought, 'Even I did not know the extent of my mind's craziness.'

"Hey, Calypso… I think… I'm not really that sorry. I guess I did kind of jump to conclusions but the evidence in front of me was just soooo incriminating," he explained.

"It's not an excuse, it's just a real lousy explanation. What did you expect me to do?! He just appeared out of nowhere and was all like, 'OMG, get away from Calypso cos I'm her boyfriend!'" he squealed with a bad imitation of a typical valley-girl."

Leo raised his fist in the air and yelled,  
>"I'm telling you! It's that stupid guy's fault!"<p>

"Bye, oh and, beep~" he ended the one-sided conversation, pressing the little button. The handy little machine sprouted its wings and flew into the distance.

"Leo! We're there," Frank yelled, sticking his head into Leo's room. "Come over here! You have got to see this!"

* * *

><p>After lazily pulling himself out of bed, Leo slumped over to the deck to see what was going on. He gasped,<br>"Oh my freaking Hephaestus?!"

The rest of the demigods nodded,  
>"Apparently, it's true."<p>

The beaten up girl slumped to the ground with scars and bruises all over her body.

"You've got to be kidding me. Is that her?!"

**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to follow, fave or review! Love you! Bye bye~**

**-The Goddess of Duck Tape**

**See you next time ;)**


	38. Hugged to Death

**Yay! 25000+ views! :D Proud of you people, so proud~ :')**

**Okay, sorry guys. I did not realise that I referred to Ignus as a girl when I wrote about Ignus being Calypso's "girlfriend" until a Guest reviewer told me. Thank you and I've fixed up that mistake now so now need to worry. Thank you for all your reviews! :D**

**And don't worry Percyisawesome, requests are a part of suggestion and I **_**really**_** need suggestions right now.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Hugged to Death

Frank rolled his eyes and so did Piper. Typical. As usual Leo was so obsessed with his lover now that she was talking to him again that he didn't even participate in crew activities anymore.

For Olympus' sake! He was the captain of the Argo II! He was meant to be the one commanding everything, as opposed to the one who had to dragged out of his room. Leo waited all day in his room just for a message from his little girlfriend. The only time when he came out was to go to the toilet or snag emergency provisions from the dining hall to feed himself.

'What a single-minded guy,' Frank thought. 'It's like whenever he's around her, his symptoms of ADHD disappear…'

"I'll go get him out of his room," Frank volunteered, "And if he's stubborn, I'll just drag him out, with the strength of a bear. If you know what I mean."

"Sure," Jason agreed, "Just make sure he comes out fast, he has got to see this."

Frank walked in the general direction of the captain's quarters. 'Calypso,' he thought. 'What a seductress!' And judging by technicalities, that was actually true. First was Odysseus, then a long line of practically every single Greek hero, and then there was Percy, and lastly, Leo. Sure Frank just made Calypso sound like a skilled player, but it was true. You can't deny the blatant truth.

"That kid," Frank said aloud, "He freezes up every time he hears the word Calypso." What would happen if they were in the middle of battle and someone accidentally said Calypso? He could die! And what would happen if he was fighting a musically talented monster and the monster just happened to start playing Calypso music?

When he had reached the room he was looking for, he didn't even bother to knock.  
>"Leo! We're there," Frank yelled, sticking his head in. "Come over here! You have got to see this!"<p>

* * *

><p>"Oh my freaking Hephaestus?!"<p>

"Apparently, it's true."

The beaten up girl slumped to the ground with scars and bruises all over her body.

"You've got to be kidding me. Is that her?!"

"Annabeth?!" Piper screeched with a sense of worry. "But where's Percy?"

Frank and Jason collaboratively lifted up Annabeth and carried her towards the infirmary. You know, the infirmary with the aforementioned, blasted safety caps?

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry I did that to you Annabeth," Percy told her. "I had to do it!"<p>

"Yeah, and now I might never get to see you outside of my dreams ever again," she sobbed. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? You could've died! And you're on the verge of death right now! Where in the Tartarus are you?"

He looked away. Could he tell her?  
>"I think I'm right outside," he replied, "As in right outside the Doors of Death."<p>

Annabeth recalled Percy's heroic deed. She remembered how he thought that Damasen and Bob along wouldn't be strong enough to close the doors for good. And so he stayed behind, called on the blessing of Poseidon and attained super strength.  
>She now had no idea how Percy had managed to get outside the Doors and through to the other side. It was a miraculous mystery!<p>

"How did you manage to escape?" she asked, bewildered. Percy being trapped in the Underworld was practically inevitable! Even she couldn't do anything to save him and that was why she had left. It was because she knew that it was what he would've wanted.

'I was helping the BFG and Bob close the doors and then for some reason, Bob turned around. He said something along the lines of, "Friend, you still have much of your life to live. Go out and tell the stars that Bob says hi." And then, he just threw me through the gap of the doors and I landed outside. Unconscious too," he added.

"I'll come and find you," Annabeth told him. "I swear it on the River Styx."

* * *

><p>"Do you think she's still alive?"<p>

After dragging Annabeth to the infirmary, Leo was puffed out. Jason was fine, but Leo was absolutely wasted! Given a life-threatening helping of both ambrosia and nectar, she was finally stirring back to life.  
>"Percy," she moaned, "Don't leave. Aw, where'd he go? That jerk!"<p>

'Percy?' Jason mouthed to Leo, utterly confused.

She shot up from her sleeping position.  
>"Percy," she shrieked. Annabeth violently shook Leo's shoulders. "We've got to turn back and go find Percy!"<p>

Leo absently nodded his head. The sensation was like being on Gravitron, right after flying out of a run-away dodgem car, right after being in a plane with a koala driving. In other words, if you enjoyed getting your face sucked off, it was paradise!

* * *

><p>"We're there," Leo announced through the PA system. "I repeat, we have arrived at our destination."<p>

Annabeth ran off the deck like a madwoman and aimed for a large rock cropping.  
>"Percy!" She turned around to address the rest of the group who had only just gotten on solid land.<br>"He's got to be somewhere around here, I saw him in my dream!"

Everyone got to work immediately. They looked behind rocks, they lift up boulders, they climbed mini-mountains, and they even unturned pebbles. Leo wasn't sure why Piper was upturning pebbles by he just let her do whatever she was doing. At least she was putting in some sort of effort…

"I got it," Piper told everyone.

"What?" everyone replied in unison.

"You got something just by looking at those tiny rocks?" Hazel asked, confused.

"Yeah… the rocks hear have been pushed towards the shore," she said excitedly, "Which means that it was affected by the closing and opening of the doors. And that mean that the doors were previously right over there," Piper gestured to another rock cropping.

Annabeth ran over with her excitement renewed.  
>"I found him," she squealed, "I found him!" She almost strangled him to death during the process of hugging him.<p>

"Let's get him back to the ship now," Jason suggested, peeling Annabeth off of Percy's thin body.

"Yeah I was going to do that," she breathlessly said. "Eventually."

**Okay, I am on fire! That's like, a chapter every single day for who-knows-how-long (probably five days) now! Show your support by following, favouriting (is that a word?) and reviewing.**

**~The Goddess of Duck Tape out**


	39. No, the other Boyfriend

**Hey, sorry that I haven't updated lately but by parents took away my laptop for "character building". But I'm back and I realised that lately, I haven't been using the ending note, 'BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!' I guess I just forgot about it…**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_No, the other Boyfriend

Leo let flames dance on his fingertips and threw it towards the uninflammable metal walls. He tried to be more careful inside because we all remember what had happened last time he was in that room. Yes, he got a giant rainbow bruise and several small broken bones.

'Don't worry,' he told himself, 'The chances of getting your hand jammed again are astronomical!' Why was he always considered the seventh wheel? Jason and Percy were leagues above him. Sometimes it even seemed that Frank was more useful than him with his animal transformation thing.

Calypso was probably the only who treated him as if he wasn't just the guy who wasn't that bad at cooking. Leo the tofu taco dude. And now even she turned out to be lying to him about her scandalous love affair with Justin Bieber 2.0. That conniving little butthole **(inside joke XD)**!

The part that hurt him worst was the fact that she didn't trust Leo enough to tell him. An annoying flapping noise warned him that there was an equally annoying mosquito around. Or at least that's what he thought, until he saw his contraption flying in circles above him.

When he realised that the video message was about to play, he set himself down in a comfortable position and braced for the worst.

"Leo, don't you dare listen to that guy! He's a dirty, dirty liar, and a cheat! And a thief! I don't know why he's a thief but it seemed appropriate for the situation. If you listen to a single thing he says and take it to heart, I swear on the River Styx that I will beat you up! Ignus for god's sake isn't my boyfriend and he more like a guy I had a crush on for two weeks! Do you go around saying Percy's my boyfriend?! NO. Therefore, Ignatius "Ignus" Vipera is not, I repeat NOT, my boyfriend. I don't love him, he doesn't love me! He might, but it's a really creepy kind of love, okay?! Ooh… Wait… Important news!" Calypso rushed, venting out all her anger.

And like every other time in his life, Leo had no idea what to do. There were two possible options, either a) he had falsely accused her of her despicable crime, or b) she was still trying to hide her relationship. Technically, both possibilities had a 50-50 chance of being the actual case but if you factored in her usually-honest personality it was more like 85-25 chance (that added up to 100, right?) in favour of Calypso telling the truth.

The saddest part? Leo wasn't as angry with himself as he was curious about Calypso's last words. What was it that Calypso had wanted to tell him? What had been so important?

* * *

><p>Percy stood in the shower feeling the practically scalding water wash away all his scars. The liquid worked its healing magic over him and the marks of him being in Tartarus faded. He fingered the thin, white lines that remained. One of them from a drakon that used to be a giant, gaping wound and was now a little patch. Another few hundred were from empousai with immaculately painted French manicures. Percy smiled at one straight both his arms and chest. That one happened to be a complete accident.<p>

_*Flashback*_

Percy pulled himself out of his makeshift "bed", a.k.a. a very "nice" mound of Tartarus dirt. And for some reason, his girlfriend was missing. Where was she?

He looked around. Could someone have taken her and if someone had, where could they possibly be hiding?

He got Riptide out of his back pocket and pulled off the lid, waiting for it to spring to full size. Percy walked around cautiously the bad guy could be absolutely anywhere. Behind the boulder, between two pieces of rubble, maybe even underneath a rock! Wait, no…

A rustle was heard from the inside of an overturned taco van. He stepped closer. It could possibly be Annabeth, but it could also possibly be the monster that had taken Annabeth.

Swift movements caught his eyes when he saw something leap out of the shadows and slice him from his right shoulder to his left elbow. A wave of pain hit him, and it hit him hard.

"Annabeth?" he asked, confused. "What in the Tartarus?" True, all he saw was a flash of blonde hair, but he'd know that shade of blonde anywhere.

She straddled Percy's waist with one leg on each side, pointing a dagger at his throat threateningly.  
>"Oops, sorry," Annabeth said, getting off Percy and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as if there was nothing unusual going on. "Hey, thought you were someone else."<p>

"Yeah," Percy grumbled sarcastically with a pout, "I'm your other amazingly handsome boyfriend that fell into Tartarus with you. Easy mistake to make."

_*Flashback Over*_

Percy stepped out of the shower carefully and tried not to slip on the tiles. All his wounds were now completely gone. 'What a relief,' he thought.

He dries himself with a towel, put on a spare chance of clothes and went outside only to be greeted by his true love.  
>"And aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he flirted, jumping into her arms.<p>

"Well, after Tartarus, of course they're going to be sore!" she pointed out.

* * *

><p>Leo took a deep breath and hoped for the best. He honestly hoped that he hadn't made the wrong choice. He sent off the sphere and twiddled his thumbs. After all, it would be a really long wait before it came back again.<p>

**Okay, It was a bit of a short chapter but let's be honest, did you really expect something better if I'm updating every single day? Just saying… And this time, I won't forget:**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**~The Goddess Of Duck Tape out**


	40. The Secret Annabeth Diary

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. If it's any consolation, I have cookies for everyone! Here are some virtual cookies for you guys! (::)**

**And I'm sorry that I forgot about the little contest that I have every 10 chapters so here it is now. I've done random word contests and Q&As but this time I'm introducing something new. *Drumroll***

**Duh… Duh… Duh~~ THE SUMMARY CONTEST!  
>You guys send in the best summaries that you have for this story and I'll pick the best one to use. Um… winner gets a prize that I promise to announce later.<strong>

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Secret Annabeth Diary

"Leo," Hazel said, poking him quite violently. "Leo, Leo, Leo, I'm smashing up Festus' head if you don't wake up in ten, nine, eight-"

"Okay, I'm up!" he grumbled unhappily, pulling himself up from his rather comfortable bed. "You don't have to be so mean."

"And you don't have to whine," she retorted. "It's not my fault you're a lazy kid who can't be bothered to wake up when he's meant to save the world today."

"Wait, what do you mean save the world, I don't have any stuff on my schedule today…" he mumbled, checking his wrist for any scrawly notes on what accomplishments he had to complete that day. All he found was a greasy and grimy oil stain and nothing else.

"Idiot," Hazel commented, whacking him on the head. "Did you honestly think that the quest would be over the minute that we found Percy and Annabeth? We still have to destroy Gaia, remember?"

Leo blinked and considered telling her his master-plan.  
>"Actually I have a theory about that. You do remember how Ouranos was killed, right? First, we separate her from her domain, so basically we get Gaia away from the ground or something, and then, we strike! By then, she'll just be an average goddess and we'll easily defeat her with I dunno, we'll think about that later. Ooh! Maybe we can configure a paintball machine to fire dense packs of Greek fire! Dunno, we'll figure it out eventually. And that is how we kill a 4.5 billion year goddess," he told her. "Oh and I might need a bit of help."<p>

Hazel was at a loss of words. She had never actually expected Leo to be such a plotter. He was known as the funny guy who built cool stuff, not an evil genius!  
>"This is a big thing, are you sure that you don't want to tell rest of the crew about this?"<p>

Leo shook his head vigorously.  
>"No, I can't get them involved. To storm or fire the world must fall. This is my business."<p>

"Right, that's why you just told me your plan, because when something is your business, it totally involves me too!" she said raising a sceptical eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah, I was just going to get to that," Leo said, waving his hand around as if what she had just said didn't matter. "I need your help with manipulating the Mist. We have to make it seem like I'm not committing suicide."

"Wait, you can't do this. Suicide?" she yelled exasperated, "That's over the line."

Leo smirked despite the fact that it was outside of his character. Everything was going according to plan and he did ask Hazel for a reason.  
>"You sacrificed yourself to delay Gaia's awakening so why can't I commit suicide to send her back to Tartarus?"<p>

"Touché."

Leo darted is eyes around his room to make it seem all hush-hush.  
>"Just make sure that you don't tell anyone, okay?"<p>

"Sure," Hazel said casually, turning around to exit.

"Swear it on the River Styx," he added for extra insurance.

"Fine, I swear it."

And little did any of the two that Nico was right outside, listening to the whole conversation.

* * *

><p>"Holy Hephaestus, she's finally made a direct attack on us," he yelled. "She actually dared to make a direct attack. I can't believe it, how'd she know it was us crossing the border of Greece?!"<p>

"Right," Jason joked, "Because there's some other giant flying ship out there that has both a dragon figurehead and a chicken nugget shield."

"Maybe," Leo shrugged. "You never know."

"So what's damaged?" Percy asked, almost completely rejuvenated as if he had never been in Tartarus in the first place.

Leo checked the report that Festus had sent in.  
>"Uh… they crushed a decent section of starboard to pieces by throwing a Cyclops at our ship, a bit of the dining hall got hurt, eleven really nice plates were smashed in the process and Percy's room got burnt by a fire-breathing dog."<p>

"AW!" he complained. "Why did only my room get destroyed? It's just not fair!"

"On the bright side, you can bunk in with me," he said helpfully. "Not that I actually have a bunk."

Piper smiled and teased her boyfriend.  
>"That's wonderful, Jason. It'll be like a guys'-only sleepover every single night!"<p>

Percy put on an act for Annabeth's benefit.  
>"Can't I just bunk in with you?" he asked, using his cow eyes and a huge pout.<p>

"I don't have a bunk either," she said, pushing away his face.

"That's okay, we don't need a bunk," he suggested happily.

Piper and Hazel sighed in unison.  
>"That's adorable!" they commented in sync.<p>

Annabeth pushed away Percy's face yet again,  
>"Go share with Jason and build on your amazingly amazing bromance. Go, shoo!"<p>

"Oh Percy," Leo told him, "Your ENTIRE room is burnt so there goes your bed-sheets, your clothes, a mountain of lollies from your secret diabetes stash and your secret Annabeth diary that you keep under your mattress. You know, the one that I found when everyone made me clean the whole ship?"

Percy flushed red.  
>"I don't know what you're talking about."<p>

"Okay, well technically it's not an Annabeth diary, it's more like a journal seeing as it doesn't have a lock on it. And it doesn't actually have Annabeth written on its cover but if you just open it up and read it, every single freaking page is filled with stuff about Annabeth!" Leo corrected.

"Leo…" Percy glowered, getting up in preparation for chasing down a certain son of Hephaestus. "Why you little!"

"You can't catch me cos I'm the gingerbread man," Leo screamed hysterically.

Percy having a longer stride, easily caught up with the short Latino and body-tackled him to the ground.

Leo shrieked girlishly and covered his eyes with his hands.  
>"I can't see you so you can't see me!"<p>

"If you ever mention that ever again, I swear, I'll murder you in your sleep," Percy whispered in Leo's ear.

"Sure, sure, sure," Leo grumbled in defeat.

And for the first time in a while, Annabeth bothered to speak.  
>"You have a secret diary about me?"<p>

**Okay, that's that. Expect another chapter in… A while? Maybe three or four days? Two if I'm feeling particularly inspired. Please remember to send entries in for the aforementioned contest and a prize will be awarded depending on how generous I feel.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	41. The Queen Must Rise

**Okay… First of all, good job on the 27000+ views! Thanks for reading to the point of Chapter 41! And secondly, I think I'll wait for a few more contest entries to come in before announcing the winner due to the lack of response. It will be there eventually, just not yet. Okay, on to the story~**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Queen Must Rise

Leo had set the ship in direct course for Greece. It was almost one o'clock. In the morning! At the rate that they were going, they would be at Gaia's resting place within the day. Percy was out on the decks willing the ship to go at thrice the speed than it normally would. If it weren't for him, they would never make it to Athens by the deadline of the Feast of Spes. In fact, if they weren't lucky enough to rescue him on the day that they had, they would've been in a LOT of trouble.

"Don't you just love how Gaia's side is so organised and they have this whole master-plan about killing all of us while we don't even know what we're going to do when we get to Athens?" Hazel enlightened the group. She scooped a pink, mini marshmallow out of her steaming mug of hot chocolate and popped it in her mouth.

Piper's eyes widened.  
>"Wait, we don't have a plan?! I just thought that you guys weren't telling me or something, but you legit don't have a plan at all?!"<p>

Jason attempted to calm his girlfriend down. She was on the verge of hyperventilating.  
>"Leo," he urged, "Tell her out secret plan." He put a slight emphasis on the 'secret', signalling Leo to quickly fabricate a plan.<p>

"That's right," he assured, "It's um… a uh… secret plan."

Piper heavily laced her voice with Charmspeak.  
>"Okay then, tell me your secret plan."<p>

Leo winced, he tried to fight against his urge to tell the truth. He realised that if he failed, not only would Piper be a wreck, but Jason would also be in deep trouble. He did not want to anger a child of Jupiter but Charmspeak just made it soooo tempting! And then he remembered his own personal plan, involving suicide. He decided on telling her that they didn't have an official plan but he did have… a private one…  
>"Actually, we do-"<p>

Jason misunderstood and thought Leo was about to admit to having no plot at all so he forcefully clamped down his lips.

"Mmph… Mmm, hm!" he cried.

"That's right, Leo," Jason said, patting Leo very hard on the back. "It's a SECRET plan. SECRET."

"Yeah right," Piper snorted, "I may be related to Drew but I'm not an airhead."

* * *

><p>Calypso suspiciously eyed the bronze sphere. If Leo didn't believe what she had said about Ignus, she wouldn't care about how long it took to build the device, she'd smash it open like a melon.<p>

It unfolded into a holographic projector and showed Leo with a grim face.  
>"Look, right now, I'm conflicted," he started.<p>

She groaned. Calypso honestly couldn't believe that he still couldn't decide whether to listen to his usually trustworthy girlfriend or a guy he just had a chat with for two seconds of his life.

"But after factoring how trustworthy you normally are and the fact that he just appeared out of nowhere, I guess you're probably right. And all your anger is also probably a sign that you're not lying. Do you know why I don't go around calling Percy your boyfriend?! It's because Percy doesn't randomly come up to me and go, "OMG, you like, stay away from Calypso because, I'm like her boyfriend," except without that accent but you know what I mean! Oh and this time, please, please, PLEASE tell me what you were about to tell me but you didn't at the end of your last message. Cheers, bye~!"

Calypso frowned. She had no idea how to respond to that. He was being nice! Yet he still kind of doubted her faith…

"I was going to tell you last time, that I figured out my elemental powers! I can control the earth although that does mean that share Gaia's sphere of power… It has both ups and downs. And uh, Leo, just know that I'm not lying to you about Ignus. I honestly don't think of him as anything other than a leech stuck to the bottom of my foot. Let's just say that I'm pretty glad that you chose to believe me."

She then wrinkled her nose because his exact words were 'I guess you're probably right'. Probably?! Probably?! So just for good measure, she added,  
>"Kind of. Bye, hope you beat my grandma soon." She pressed the little button on the side to end the recording.<p>

* * *

><p>Gaia cackled like a stereotypical evil witch. What the stupid demigods didn't know was that her resurrection only required the spilled blood of a male and female demigod. No one said that the blood had to be from the seven. The blood would preferably be from strong demigods and Gaia would be preferably risen on the 1st of August just a taunt for the demigods.<p>

To be honest, resurrecting wasn't that hard. All she really had to do was recruit two of her stronger monsters to locate demigods with a really powerful aura. It wasn't difficult at all!

She was waiting patiently in her throne and was prepared to wait all day… because she was scarfing down dozens of Monster doughnuts. This was the first time that she had been conscious in a real, solid body for millenniums and she was hungry as hell. And because all monsters got a 50% discount from Monster Doughnut, so it was quite a bargain.

"Gaia, the demigodssssssss are due to arrive at 4pm today," Kelli hissed.

Gaia sighed in pleasure. Those imbeciles could take as long as they wanted. After all, every minute that they were delayed was just another minute to eat yet another doughnut.

**Thanks for reading! I now have this planner so I know exactly how this story is going to go and I have written down all the important events and which chapter they're meant to go into. But… I realised that the events took a lot less words to write than what I expected so I panicked and started writing ahead of my planner. Gaia wasn't meant to appear until Chapter 42! :'( Oh well… Please fave, follow and review to show your appreciation~!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	42. Gaia the Ugly Face

**Sorry for not updating in who knows how long but in case you didn't know, I posted a new story so I hope that explains my lack of uh... uploading? I'll try to alternate between posting my stories though… And I have read Blood of Olympus but I don't want to just repeat the book so I'm going to change the content and the ending and I might even add an epilogue.**

**Please read The Vow of Eternal Maidenhood and my new fanfiction, Selfish Love! :D**

_**The Adventure of a Lovesick Idiot:**_Gaia the Ugly Face

"Guys, get your butts over here!" Jason yelled. "You've got to see this!"

"Okay, okay," Frank grumbled unhappily. "I'm coming, alright?"

"Do you see that? She's already alive! She isn't meant to rise until we spill our blood on the ancient stones."

"Yeah, what's she doing looking so…lively?" Hazel asked confused.

Gaia cackled evilly on her throne of earth and chains as if she had already won the war.

Leo checked his watch. It was two minutes past four. They had to beat Gaia, it had to be today, August the first. The Feast of Spes, the celebration of hope.  
>"So are we going to bust in, get our weapons and kick ass Leo style?" He raised his chainsaw with a maniacal grin.<p>

Annabeth clenched her teeth.  
>"I hate to say it but I don't think we can win this war by planning it out. Gaia will see through anything we can think of. The scheme? We somehow get Gaia of the ground, we kill her while she's still airborne, we leave with a happy ending, okay? And improvise. Lots and lots of improvisation.<p>

"I like that plan," Percy agreed. "Actually, I like any plan that Annabeth plans."

"You'd better," she joked.

"Okay then, we're busting in!" Piper smiled.

"Gaia, prepare to meet your end!" Leo announced triumphantly.

Gaia wrinkled her nose unimpressed.  
>"Leo Valdez, a stunted Latino elf. A seventh wheel if you must. Do you honestly think that you can end the life of a goddess who has roamed this earth for 4.5 billion years?"<p>

"Honestly? Not really…" he answered.

"Wow, much enthusiasm," Nico commented sarcastically.

"Festus!" Leo cried, "We need to enact our secret endgame."

The bronze automaton stumbled around trying to find its way.  
>"Cree-eek?"<p>

"Yes, definitely, it's the only way," he said. "We have to do this." Leo got onto his favourite metal dragon and wrapped his arms around the neck. "Hey Gaia, you have… an… uh…ugly… ooh… ah… face! Yeah! You have an ugly face!"

"So?"

"Ugly face~ Ugly face~" Leo sang.

Gaia rolled her eyes.  
>"So? I'm 4.5 billion years old, remember? I don't care if you think I have an ugly face. First off, when you're that old, all the insults just bound off the hard shell, and secondly, you're just a child. Why am I supposed to care what a puny 16 year old thinks about me?"<p>

"So how would you feel about eight demigods calling you ugly face?"

The other seven demigods gave small smiles as they saw Leo's impromptu plan of improvisation.  
>"Ugly face~ Ugly face~ Ugly face~ Ugly face~ Ugly face~" they chanted together.<p>

"And I think that Piper has something to say about your face too," Leo smirked.

"Yes, yes I do," she told everyone. "Don't you think that Gaia's face has the ugliest face that you have ever seen? Doesn't that just give you the urge to sing with us? Don't you want to call her Ugly Face?"

"Ugly face~ Ugly face~ Ugly face~" the monsters chorused.

"Urgh…" Gaia seethed. Calling her ugly face was fine. Calling her ugly face with his friends was borderline annoying. But being embarrassed in front of her entire army?! That stunted Latino elf had to pay!

As Festus shot into the sky with Leo holding on for his dear life, Gaia followed closely.

Leo ran over his secret plan in his head. Get Gaia in the air, make mega explosion, die, and get a happy Gaia-free future for everybody else.

Jason gave everyone a quick look. He knew what Leo was planning. This was the exact method that Ouranos the primordial god of the sky had been killed. Jason couldn't let that happen, not on his watch. He manipulated the wind to carry him into the sky too and joined the airborne battle.

Leo closed his eyes and hoped that it would work. The explosion was due any moment now, as soon as he burned Festus down, there would be a magnificent burst of fire. When he opened his eyes, he noticed something in the corner of them. Was that Jason?

"What are you doing here?"

"To storm or fire the world must fall," he recited. And I will make Gaia fall. I won't let you do what you're planning."

Nico glowered. Green flames licked his body and his aura was made up of Greek fire.

"What's going on?" Frank whispered into Hazel's ear.

"I honestly have no idea," she whispered back.

"I call on the final blessing of Hades," he chanted and floated towards the sky.

"How is he doing that?" Leo yelled frantically.

"This is the blessing of Hades. I'm literally sacrificing myself. My body will turn into Greek fire and in ten seconds, my body will explode," Nico explained.

"Holy shit," Leo commented.

"Holy shit," Jason agreed.

"Don't worry, I chose this. Finally, I'll be free from this burden," Nico smiled.

"Holy shit, he's smiling," Leo said.

"I have never seen him smile before. Wait, did he say ten seconds?" Jason gasped.

"Let's hug," Leo suggested. "If I hug you and I concentrate super hard, I might be able to protect you from the spontaneous combustion."

"Might?!" Jason shrieked. "Might?!"

"Yeah, might, now let's hug," Leo insisted.

"Do I have a choice?" Jason asked distressed, flying over to Festus and embracing him tightly.

Gaia widened her eyes and attempted to get back to the ground.  
>"No, you wretched little boys! Urgh, I know where you live!"<br>And those were her last words.

**Honestly, this is the weirdest chapter I have ever written and I know it really sucks but I had to end it somehow. I'm sorry that this is so bad, you guys deserved better. :( Honestly, you can flame me all you want for this chapter…**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**The Goddess of Duck Tape out~**


	43. The Crystal

**Hey guys I'm back! Great job on the 29000+ views and thank you for all the response I got from the last chapter. It must've been like, super controversial and shocking or something. Well, I got affected by crash of the fanfiction site so I wasn't able to post yesterday.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Crystal

'Am I alive?' Leo thought to himself. He looked down at his hands and turned them over to check himself for any damage taken.

"I like pie," Jason murmured.

Leo knitted his eyebrows together. Was that Jason? Talking about pie? He got up from his position on the ground and looked over his shoulder to see a blonde mop of hair lying also on the ground, unconscious.

"No Darth Vader! It's my lemon blueberry pie!" he exclaimed, "Mine… No, it's mine!"

To be honest, Leo was really concerned. Really concerned. He turned his head back to the front to see all his friends minus one Nico di Angelo with their jaws dropped on the floor.

"Hey dudes!" Leo greeted them with a wave. "And girls," he added when he say the expression that Annabeth was giving him.

Percy sighed and swung Jason's body over his shoulder only to realise that he was too weak to carry a hundred and thirty pounds of muscle seeing as his kneecaps were buckling under the pressure.  
>"Uh… Frank? Little help here?"<p>

Together, grabbed either end of Jason and hauled him back to the Argo II.  
>"He must work out a lot to be that heavy," Frank commented.<p>

"I know right!" Percy agreed.

Leo ran his fingers through this hair. And now here came the hardest part, they needed to get back to Camp Half Blood. And soon. Preferably by the end of the day if they wanted Camp Half Blood to still be standing by the time they got there.

"I think I know how to get back to Camp," Piper suggested as if she was just reading Leo's mind.

Everyone's attention focussed on her.  
>"Well don't tell us," Hazel said sarcastically.<p>

"We can call my mum!" she told them all.

* * *

><p>"I still don't get how this is going to work," Leo grumbled while munching on his cookie. "How is Aphrodite supposed to magically transport us from Greece back to Long Island Sound?"<p>

"Actually, I think I get it," Percy said. "It's like that time I sacrificed the fur of the Nemean lion to my dad for the save transport of Grover and Bessie."

Blank faces were shared across the entire room.

"Oh right, none of you were actually there," he deducted. "Point is, if you sacrifice something like, mega important, you'll get this equally mega favour in return."

"So in this case, what are sacrificing?" Hazel asked.

And for once, there was complete and utter silence until Leo thought of it.  
>"Ooh! I know, I've got something!" Leo yelled joyfully.<p>

"What? You're cookie?" Piper asked confused, gesturing to the triple chunk choc-chip Leo was holding.

"No, this crystal!" he said in a duh tone of voice. He pulled out the

"We all know that my mother loves jewellery but do you really think that she'll transport us halfway around the world for a dumb jewel?"

"No, but what if it was a magical navigational crystal?" he asked.

"Right," Percy sassed, "And I'm a magical mythological creature."

"Seaweed brain?" Annabeth addressed. "We are magical mythological creatures."

"Oh, right…"

"Point is, this crystal is super important and Odysseus along with several other Greek heroes would've killed to have this!"

"Do you think it'll be enough?" Hazel asked the group.

"There's only one way to find out," Piper said nonchalantly. "Oh mum~" she called.

And with a flash of light, Aphrodite appeared. Only it wasn't Aphrodite, but maybe it was Aphrodite at the same time.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done to my mum?" Piper demanded.

"Why I'm the lady Venus of course," introduced the stunning woman in her emerald green gown.

"Eh, same difference," Leo shrugged. He held up his crystal in his hand. "If I give you this crystal, can you teleport us to Camp Half Blood?"

"What do you think I am? A walking teleporter?!" she shrieked.

"Look closer," Leo told her.

"What am I supposed to see besides a-" Venus seemed to realise what the boy was hold. "Oh. My. Gaga! Is that a crystal chipped from a cave on the island of Ogygia?! This could've brought so many couples together and torn so many apart! That is like, sooooooooo romantic."

"So will you help us or not?" Annabeth asked, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

Venus seemed to swallow her pride.  
>"I shall assist you on your quest when I have two conditions met," she commanded. "One, you give me the magical and sparkly crystal." She outstretched her hand and Leo plopped the gem into her open palm. "And two, you all have to compliment me on my beauty. One compliment from each of you, and two is you can manage it."<p>

Everyone rolled their eyes, different goddess of love, same vanity. What kind of a five thousand year old being actually cared about this sort of stuff? Oh right, this one.

"You look pretty," Leo said bluntly.

"You have a, uh… wonderful sense of fashion?" Hazel forced out.

"You're the prettiest girl I have ever seen," Percy said as if he was in a deep trance until Annabeth nudged him in his gut. Hard. "Apart from you of course," he added hastily. "You know what I meant."

"I like your hair," Annabeth called out before dragging her squealing boyfriend away by the ear.

"Your eyes have a fascinating colour spectrum," she told Venus.

Frank gulped. He had to be sure to compliment Venus enough to satisfy and not too much to make Hazel mad at him like Annabeth was mad at Percy. Frank was a man who learned from the failure of others.  
>"I wish I had the figure to pull off that dress," he said at last.<p>

And lucky Jason. Fortunately for him, during this whole fiasco, he was unconscious. Lucky him!  
>"Meow," he murmured. "I'm a marshmallow."<p>

**Sorry for the slightly shorter chapter today but it's really late and I really wanted to update tonight and I really want to sleep now.**

**Don't forget to follow, fave or review. I honestly wouldn't blame you if you flamed me seeing as I'm so sleepily typing this right now. Urgh, I still have school tomorrow…**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**The Goddess of Duck Tape out~  
>Good Night.<strong>


	44. Just Mess Stuff Up

**Hey everyone! Thank you for reading this and I hope you stick around for the upcoming not so epic finale that won't be in this chapter. And sorry for the really long hiatus… I had exams. Lots and lots of exams…**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Just Mess Stuff Up

"You know, for a battlefield, it doesn't look so bad," Percy commented. "But then again, maybe that's because the battle hasn't started yet…"

"So do you think we need a plan this time Annabeth?" Hazel asked worried. Her eyes scanned across the land. Camp Half Blood's chances of winning were beyond low. Their defence was low and the Romans were in a formation that maximised their attack. It was practically hopeless.

"We need an inside man," Annabeth plotted. "Do you think they'll still accept Frank as an honourable Roman soldier?"

"Some would, but Octavian definitely wouldn't," Frank murmured stroking his imaginary goatee, "But I think that I have a plan. We'll need a purple T-shirt and a blonde kid.

This caused everybody to look at Jason.  
>"No, not him," Frank declined, "Octavian knows he's on our side."<p>

And then everyone looked at Annabeth. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave them all a stare-down.  
>"No, not her either," he said, "Octavian's fought her, remember? He knows that she's on our side too. Does the camp have any other children of Zeus, Athena or Apollo?" Frank asked.<p>

Everyone looked around to play Spot the Blonde.  
>"There!" Piper pointed at a mop of blonde hair in the distance. "Is that um… Will?"<p>

"We gotta go get him," Frank commanded. "YOOOOO WILL~"

Will turned with a bewildered expression on his face. He jogged over to the group of demigods.  
>"Hey guys!" he greeted. "Wait, who are you?" he directed the question to the Romans that he didn't recognise.<p>

"I'm Frank," Frank introduced himself and then pointed to his girlfriend. "And that's Hazel."

"Yo Percy, my man!" Will grinned walking over to the previously missing demigod. They did a bro hug and did some complicated looking handshake. "It's great to have you back."

Frank coughed.  
>"We don't have time for long reunions," he decided. "Now Jason, swap T-shirts with Will."<p>

The two boys gave each other weird looks and did as Frank said.

"Okay Will, here's the plan. You go in. Tell Octavian that you're a Roman son of Apollo. Try to buy us as much time as possible. Note, that you will get found out eventually but buy as much time as possible," he explained.

Will nodded and walked away.  
>"Oh wait," he said. "Which side of the battlefield are the Romans on again?"<p>

* * *

><p>The anxious demigods waited behind a bush and watched as Will strutted into the enemy base.<p>

"He can pull it off right?" Hazel bit her lip.

"Yeah, he'll totally pull it off," Frank reassured her.

"How do we know he'll totally pull it off?" Percy asked unsure.

"Because you have to BELIEVE~~" Jason sang recovered from his previously unconscious state.

Will lifted the flap of the magenta tent and peered inside before two buff Roman soldiers grabbed his shoulders to make sure he couldn't escape. They dragged him into the tent on his knees while Will had the most bewildered look on his face.

Annabeth frowned.  
>"Is that meant to happen?"<p>

Frank folded his arms over his chested proudly and nodded,  
>"Of course, of course, it's all part of the master-plan."<p>

"So what does your master-plan say that we should be doing right now?" Leo asked confused.

"Doing stuff," Frank replied.

Annabeth pursed her lips together.  
>"So tell me again, why are we not doing that right now?"<p>

Frank was momentarily knocked out of his proud composure.  
>"Oh right, so Leo, you go mess up their mechanics."<p>

"Roger," Leo saluted before running off towards their enormous canons.

"Annabeth, you go help Leo with his tampering," he commanded.

She gave her boyfriend a quick hug before following Leo.

"Piper, uh… try getting people on the other side to join our cause. Oh gods, we sound like preachers. Hazel, do your thing."

Hazel narrowed her eyes.  
>"So what's my thing again?"<p>

Frank bit his lower lip.  
>"Just make the Romans fall into ditches and throw valuable stones at them or something."<p>

"Um… sure, I'll do my best."

"Percy, you create a couple of tornados, a few earthquakes. Make a general nuisance of yourself to the Romans," he demanded. "Haha, so just be your usual self," he joked.

"Got you bro," Percy said, giving Frank a standard bro code handshake.

"And as for you, Jason, go do formation recon."

Jason pushed his gold framed glasses up his nose bridge with his pointer finger while Piper frowned.  
>"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," she fumed. "Percy gets tornado-making, Leo gets tampering, Annabeth gets assistant tampering, Hazel gets trap making, I get subtle persuasion, you get bossing us around and you're giving Sparky here, recon?!" Piper shrieked.<p>

Jason widened his eyes.  
>"No, Piper, it's okay. Formation recon's actually a very important part of the mission. And besides, my powers are very suited to this job because it's easy to do recon if I can see the army formation from above the clouds."<p>

Piper looked at the ground sheepishly.  
>"Well if it is that important…"<p>

"And you can summon dead stuff Nic-" Frank added. "I mean… Nevermind."

"Okay, we got it," Hazel asked, patting his back. "Let's go do stuff!"

* * *

><p>"You'd think that with their humungo forces, one of them would realise that this is totally like immoral and wrong," Leo commented while pulling the red wire out of its socket and replacing it with a blue one.<p>

"Have messed it up yet?" Annabeth asked, twisting the eyepiece to a slightly different angle.

He scratched his head.  
>"Maybe… I've messed around with some gears but I'm not sure if they're important enough to make a difference."<p>

"Do you want to test it out?"

Leo violently shook his head. He really didn't want to stick around to experience the consequences of a messed up missile.  
>"So what do we do now?" It looked like there was no way the machine would operate properly.<p>

Annabeth looked over her shoulder.  
>"We now repeat what we just did, nineteen more times."<p>

* * *

><p>Percy giggled like a girl. Creating tornados and earthquakes was just so fun! He looked up to see a black sneaker peeking through the clouds. He smirked. Jason would have to do better than that if he didn't want to be spotted by the Romans.<p>

And on the top of Romans… where were they? It looked like they were all too distracted by the appearance of Will. And the unsuspecting guards were no challenge at all, especially against the power of natural disasters. 'Good job Frank,' he thought, 'I'm so proud that we're related. This was such a good idea.'

* * *

><p>This was such a bad idea. A horribly bad idea! Will gulped nervously. He was kneeling in front of Octavian.<p>

"And just what do we have here?"

**Hehe, this chapter took me like, two months to write. Again, sorry for the hiatus. I don't know if I'm officially back yet but I have 2 promises.**

**I will finish 'The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot' and 'The Vow of Eternal Maidenhood' this year.**

**I will update in the holidays (which are in two weeks) and I'll definitely update on my birthday (15****th**** April).**

**Thanks for reading and**

**~ The Goddess of Duck Tape out**


	45. In which Octavian is a My Little Pony

**Yo guys! I'm back (kind of, not really, I don't know)! The only reason I can update again is because it's almost time for holidays and all my assessments have been handed in.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ In which Octavian is a My Little Pony

This was such a bad idea. A horribly bad idea! Will gulped nervously. He was kneeling in front of Octavian.

"And just what do we have here?"

Will was on the verge of tears the size and speed of waterfalls.  
>"A son of Apollo?" he replied as if he didn't know the answer himself.<p>

Octavian narrowed his eyes.  
>"I'm going to put it simply, I don't trust you. I don't believe that you're a son of Apollo and you don't fool me, so tell me, who are you really?" he demanded, pointing his ceremonial dagger at Will's neck threateningly.<p>

He blinked innocently.  
>"But I'm telling you, I swear it on my life that I am a child of Apollo."<p>

"And I'm a My Little Pony!" Octavian proclaimed sarcastically. "Who are you? This is your last chance."

A boy with a buzz cut stepped forward from the lines from the next wave of the soldiers.  
>"Pontifex Maximus, if I may. Could you possibly use your divine heavenly power to determine whether or not he is truly a son of Apollo?"<p>

"Oh, uh, of course," Octavian wavered, "I knew that, for I am the mighty Pontifex Maximus. I will now perform the ancient ritual," he told everyone.

He snapped his fingers motioning for two foot soldiers to come forward with an ornate pillow with a Care Bear on it. Octavian plunged his dagger into the centre of the bear and pulled the stuffing out of it. Everyone in the large tent was silent for a few moments as their leader shaped fingered the strands of polyester to form various shapes. Octavian stopped and frowned.  
>"There's got to be a mistake," he murmured, "I'll do it again."<br>As he did it over and over, the scowl remained on his face.

'Or maybe that's just his default expression,' Will thought.

"Well… It seems that you are in fact telling the truth," he admitted. "I was so looking forward to tear you apart!" he added in a quieter voice. "However, this does not explain what you are doing in our tent. Explain yourself peasant!" he commanded in his annoyingly high-pitched voice.

"I wanted to help."

"And how do I know that you can be trusted?"

Will paused.  
>"I guess you can't really."<p>

Octavian bit his lower lip and snapped his fingers again. The foot soldiers came back out with a plump Kirby plushie.

He repeated the process.  
>"This is most unusual. It appears that Apollo does want me to know. Who are you really?"<p>

"I told you already, I'm a son of Apollo," Will repeated irritably.

Octavian grumbled in his throne. 'How is it possible that I, the great Pontifex Maximus is unable to know of this one peasant boy's motives,' he thought.  
>"So what are you doing here then?"<p>

Will hesitated and took a moment to think. He had a couple of options, none of which had the outcome that he wanted.  
>"I'm here to become a Roman soldier."<p>

"Oh, really," Octavian laughed. "And what makes you think that such an enormous empire would want your enlistment as a soldier?"

"Um… the more the merrier?" he tried.

Octavian considered it. They needed all the forces they couldn't get, but a shady 'son of Apollo' who just mysteriously turned up? Were they ready to stoop so low?

* * *

><p>Jason looked down. Was that an… Orbem formate? The Roman legionnaires had assumed a circle-like formation with archers placed behind them to provide missile fire support. A huge, defensive tortoise formation was off to the side with their shields up to protect them from enemy arrows. That would strike Greek hard, as they relied a lot on archery.<p>

He sighed and looked back to Camp Half Blood's preparations for war. They, were still in the middle of a 'war council', where they sat around in the rec room around the ping pong table and ate crackers with Cheez Whiz.

And were those bloodthirsty wolves? It was official, either he was bonkers or the Romans were seriously planning to overthrow the Greek empire (or a camp of forty under experienced kids) with absolutely no remorse.

He scanned his eyes across the vast expanse of what was soon to become a battlefield. There was nothing of that much importance to their battle strategies so he flew back to base.

* * *

><p>Calypso sat in the recreation room with her legs crossed. She admired her crystal blade while listening attentively to Chiron's orders. When the time came, she would be ready to fight for her new family despite the fact that they had only been family for like, three days.<p>

"Can we go yet? We need to fight the Romans as soon as possible," Malcolm grumbled unhappily.

Chiron frowned.  
>"But we need a strategy fir-" he started.<p>

"DO YOU WANNA GO?!" Clarisse challenged everyone. "YOU WANNA GO BRO? I CAN LIKE, BENCH PRESS 250!"

Clearly, everyone in the rec room was wise enough to stay silent but Clovis was most unfortunate. In fact, he was SOOOOO unfortunate, that it didn't seem possible.

"Hmm… Kay mom… Yeah, I'll wash behind my ears next time… Sure can we go? I've always wanted to go… To Disneyland, that is," he mumbled incoherently.

That was enough of a cue for Clarisse to step onto the desk and ball up her hands in preparation for their fight.

Everyone's eyes looked like they were going to drop out of their sockets. It took restraint from Chris, Rachel and Conner to lower her fist.

"But he said that he wanted to go…" she complained.

Chiron didn't want a relapse of that so agreed to let the cabin leaders out of the room back to their sleeping quarters.  
>"Wait," he added, "We haven't done our traditional end of meeting brofist party."<p>

"Oh… right," said several voices scattered across the room. Everyone (apart from the snoozing Clovis, of course) met up in the centre of the room and made fists with their hands. They arranged the fists into a circular shape without touching each other.

"One! Two! Three!" Chiron yelled. On the count of three, all the fists rushed straight to the middle for a mega fist-bump causing most demigods to walk away from the scene clutching their hands in pain.

"We so need a new traditional ending to our meetings," Katie muttered under her breath.

"But then it won't be traditional…" someone replied.

"And don't forget to tell your cabin about all the strategies that we've thought of together," he reminded them as they walked out.

"So we tell them about how we're going to hide in the cellars?" Travis asked.

"Erm… No, but don't forget the mashed potato one. That one was good. Ooh, and Apollo cabin should have all their bows and arrows ready because we're going to need them."

The cabin leaders looked around the room awkwardly. Where the Tartarus was Will?

"I'll tell Cabin Seven seeing as there's no one in my cabin," Calypso volunteered.

"Great work on volunteering, Calypso," Chiron congratulated her, "If you make it out of this in one piece, you're getting shower privileges."

**Sorry for the shortish chapter but I tried. I got the brofist thing from Catsrawesome who has been a really supportive reader over the course of this fanfiction. Thank you!**

**~ The Goddess of Duck Tape out**


	46. Penguins of the Greek Empire

**Back to school -.- YAY. I really didn't update as much as I had hoped due to… certain unforeseen events. And my laptop is being a baby, restarting every time I wake it up from sleep. Nevertheless, here's the next chapter:**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Penguins of the Greek Empire

"I don't get it Calypso," Ignus sneered, "We could be together forever!"

Calypso groaned and facepalmed. She was seriously considering deleting her Iris Message account just to get away from him.  
>"If you want to be eating with your own teeth the next time I see you, shut it."<p>

She walked away from the rainbow mist thinking it was over only to find that there was a patch of mist trailing behind her.  
>"You have got to be kidding me!" she screamed.<p>

"Got a Platinum Iris Message account," he bragged, "It's got its benefits."

"We are about to battle against the Romans, so if you don't mind?"

"I do mind! I mind that you're following me around everywhere. I have Leo, remember?"

Ignus snorted,  
>"That pathetic little wimpy-faced cry-baby? He can't protect you the way I can." He flexed his left bicep for extra emphasis.<p>

Calypso turned around to roll her eyes. She contemplated running away from the mist. The mist couldn't go straight through a wall or something, right? She set off at a brisk pace towards her room.

"Dear… I slayed Titans for the sake of our everlasting love," he smiled. "Aren't I brave?"

"Wow, that's romantic," she said, her voice practically dripping with sarcasm. "Killing your lover's parents is almost as romantic as me punching your teeth out."

The door of her room stood tall in front of her but Calypso knew she had to be quick. She had to open the door, get in and close the door all in a split second but that would only work assuming the mist couldn't travel through solid objects of course.

She used her wonderful acting skills to her advantage and squinted at Ignus' face (no matter how repulsive she found it).  
>"Oh my gods," she gasped, "Is that a zit?!"<p>

Ignus almost fell off his chair scrambling for the nearest mirror. Calypso took the opportunity to throw open the door, dash in and then quite rudely slammed it in Ignus' "zit-ridden" face.

"Wait… My face is perfectly fine…" he realised after a while. "I'm fabulous after all."

Calypso gave a sigh of relief. She had finally gotten rid of him.

* * *

><p>"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure about this," Leo admitted. He had already fallen over twice and that was within twenty five seconds.<p>

The demigods were dressed in full battle armour and would've been completely ready if it weren't for the crushing weight of it all.

"We must optimise our defence!" Frank ordered.

"How are we supported to optimise our attack then? We'll be waddling around like penguins for gods' sake," Leo countered.

"Leo has a point," Annabeth started, "They are a little heavy…"

"Well suck it up and be a man!" Frank yelled.

Everyone gave each other concerned looks. Maybe all the power had gotten to his head after all… Frank was practically a miniature version of Coach Hedge.

"We aren't men, we're penguins," Percy muttered under his breath.

"If we're penguins, then we are the manliest of penguins!"

* * *

><p>"You have got to be kidding me!" Calypso shrieked. She thought she'd be safe, but she wasn't.<p>

"Eh… you have gaps under the door," he explained, "A Platinum Iris Message allows the compacting and expanding of gas through small spaces."

She groaned. Curse him! Of course he had to have a platinum account. Calypso kicked the wall hard.  
>"Ouch," before exiting the building at a speedy pace. She had reached the small patch of gardening that Chiron tended to in his spare time especially between tail maintenance.<p>

"This chasing game again, dear?" he smirked.

Calypso turned around to make sure that the annoying cloud of mist was still following her. She turned the handle of the hot water tap and took hold of the hose that was connected to it.

"HI-YAHHHHHHHHH!" she yelled, spraying water at a temperature of 60 degrees Celsius and at a rate of half a litre every second.

As she had hoped, the rainbow disappeared therefore disconnecting the call.

Calypso took the time to admire the pretty parsnips that Chiron had grown.

_Rustle, rustle._

Her eyes zipped over to the rustling sound to see a shy looking boy hiding behind a shrub. The boy jumped back in shock when their eyes met.

"How did you know I was there?!" he exclaimed. "I was practically as invisible and silent as a ninja!"

"Are you a Roman?" Calypso questioned.

"She knows all!" he continued. "Could she possibly be a goddess?"

"Actually I used to be, but-"

"Argh! She's truly a goddess," he panicked. "I must return! The puny Greeks actually have a goddess on their side!"

Calypso raised her eyebrow in disbelief. The Roman Twelfth Legion had hundreds of legionnaires and this was who they sent? It was a joke, right? She walked slowly towards him.

"This is terrible," the boy reported in the manner of a shoddy football commentator. "The subject is approaching. Closer! Closer! Abort, abort! I admit defeat, surrender, whatever you call it. Mayday! The banana has stolen the monkey, wait no, the monkey has stolen the banana."

She lightly kicked the boy on his shin causing him to fall over.

"NOOO! I've been taken down," he cried clutching his shin while squirming around on the floor.

Calypso looked around. This just had to be a joke! There was no way in Tartarus that their leader sent this pathetic lump who was nothing but a waste of skin. She lifted his by the back of his collar. He wasn't heavy at all, probably just a little lighter than the machinery she had helped Leo built back when they were both on Ogygia. She forcefully dragged him into the Big House with him kicking and screeching.

"Found him snooping around," she said, wrinkling her nose.

Chiron looked up from the battle plans he had drawn up.  
>"Oh, good job Calypso. You got a Roman before the battle even began. Extra shower privileges, maybe even double the dessert."<p>

**Okay, I've been trying to put it off but next chapter will most likely be the start of the battle. I'm so bad at fighting scenes -.-' Oh well, look forward to the next chapter although with all my assignments, I really don't know when that'll be. You'd think I wouldn't be so busy only two weeks into the start of term…**

**~ The Goddess of Duck Tape out**


	47. SOZ

**Ok, I'm sorry about this REALLY long hiatus. Normally, I would say "Oh, I was busy", or "School has loads of homework" but you want the truth? The truth is my school doesn't really have homework, just loads and loads of really big assignments (which I can complete if I put enough time in). Yes, I do have a bit of free time but I got into League and all its addictiveness. I can't guarantee that I'll update on a regular basis but for the time being, I'm going to read over the stories I've written to fix up any errors because I read the first chapter of this fanfiction and found three typos.**

**The editing will affect some chapter names, incorrect grammar, dodgy sentences/conversations and minute parts of the story. I won't change anything major but advise you to read the story again to reacquaint yourself with it (due to the five month hiatus).**

**Also, because of writer's block, feel free to request things that you would like to see in The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot and I will try to fit them in if possible.**

**-The Goddess of Duck Tape**


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